


What Happened

by DOA



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Asking For A Second Chance, Bigotry & Prejudice, Broken Promises, Eren Like To Draw, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, He Owns A Diner, Holding Grudges, Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Past Eren's POV, People Just Suck, Present Levi's POV, Suicide Attempt, Time Gap, mentions of rape/non-con, musician!Levi, not as dark as it sounds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-10 07:28:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 35
Words: 73,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3282038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DOA/pseuds/DOA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remember first time I saw him. The dark, mysterious man. He walked the halls as if he had somewhere better to be and that made me want him here. Present.</p><p> </p><p>I'm on the stage, accepting a trophy at the CMA's. It's a dream come true. I won album of the year, literally what I've dreamed about since I was a teenager, but it feels wrong. Like I'm missing something.</p><p> </p><p>The story of how they started and how it all ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! So, I'm going to explain this alittle. 
> 
> Eren narrates the story of the past, but speaks from the present. If something is present tense in the past chapters, it probably still applies to now. Or I'm worse at editing than I thought.
> 
> Levi narrates the present. If I'm vague on Levi's part, it's probably because it will make sense when it ties in with the past. 
> 
> I hope ya'll enjoy this:)

I remember first time I saw him. The dark, mysterious man. He walked the halls as if he had somewhere better to be and that made me want him here. Present.

He had an eternal scowl, similar to my sister's, but her's was much softer. He seemed to almost glow with skin as though it had never made acquaintance with the sun. It was a drastic contrast to his dark hair, but was nothing compared to his eyes. They were a grey color and they were as sharp as the steel they match. I don't know why, but I was entranced. I pushed it to the back of my mind as he passed.

"So that's the new guy?" Armin whispered, but not quiet enough if the glare we get is anything to go by. I grabbed Mikasa's arm as she tensed, knowing she might do something stupid. Again.

"Calm down, he's probably just nervous," I said to her and she nodded stiffly. Mikasa was my overprotective, adopted sister. Ever since my mom died, she had been determined to fill the roll. We lived with a family friend, Hannes. Our dad had left us to his care as he was sent overseas.

Mikasa was a sweet girl, but wouldn't let it show. She was the voice of reason for me, along with my best friend Armin. She had long black hair and violet eyes that are the only way to see her emotion. It was subtle everywhere else, but overwhelming in her eyes. At that moment, they were filled with restrained anger from the small glare. Did I mention she had a short temper?

"Come on, we have work." Armin said and we all hurried to my truck. I fixed it up with Hannes, a '76 Ford F-150. It was a two toned, light blue with a stripe of white and it coughed often when we drove, but it was my baby.

We drove to Hannes' diner down the road where we all worked. It was a 24 hour diner, so our shifts normally varied, but we all had it at the same time that day. It was only about a 5 minute drive to the diner, so I left my window down to dry my hair slightly from the shower I had taken after practice. Mikasa did the same, but Armin was stuck in the middle seat with a towel.

Mikasa played tennis while Armin and I played baseball. He was the pitcher, due to his knowledge of angles of the ball; it made him nearly unbeatable. I played catcher, and if that didn't explain our friendship, I don't know what does. We're in sync, down to our very positions in baseball.

He was a sweet boy who knows how to get what he wants. He was small, but strong enough to be a good pitcher. He has blonde hair that resembled a bowl and big cornflower blue eyes, that he might have had to use on Hannes since we were running late.

We got out of the car and ran inside to see the shift before us leaving with a slight alcohol smell. "Slow day, I guess," Armin said and Mikasa nodded. We walked behind the counter and grabbed our order books. After signing into the book, I walked to my spot behind the counter and see Marco walk in.

"Hey Marco!" I said as he walked to his usual spot.

"Hey Eren! Can I get a big order of fries to go?" He asked.

"Double date for the meteor shower?" I asked and nodded as he blushed from under his freckles.

"Jean and thought I'd be a good idea to take the girls out." He said. Marco and Jean were dating, but using our other two gay friends, Ymir and Historia, as a cover. It was a good situation, despite the lack of privacy.

"Well, lucky for you, it's only the first one of the year," I said.

"I know! There are gonna be so many this year, too!" He said with a genuine smile I can't help but match as a piece his gelled back, black hair fell out.

"Might wanna fix that," I said and pointed to it and he looked up to the piece.

"Dang it. Not again," he said and just ran his fingers through his hair. "It's the thought that counts," he said with a laugh and I smiled at him before making his fries.

The door chimed as I pulled the fries out of the friers. "Look! It's the Freckled Fag!" I heard a familiar voice say and I walked out to see the very image of hate, surrounded by his posy. Michael Johns was the captain of our school hockey team. He's a racist, homophobic, sexist pig and I hated him with every bone in my body. He was also the pastor's son, just to add to the fun.

I put the fries in a box quickly and walked out to Marco. "On me. Go have fun with Historia," I said and he smiled in relief.

"Thanks," he said and waved before he left.

"Aww, fags helping each other. How cute," Michael said and I had to hold back the urge to punch him.

"Mikasa can find you a table," I say through gritted teeth.

"Oh, you hit a nerve! Maybe he actually is a fagot!" One of his minions said and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I'm straight, I'm just not an asshole," I said and turned away to let Mikasa deal with it. I'd been done with their shit since the second I met them. And that was first grade. Mikasa doesn't fail and she took them to their table, all too scared of her to argue. Armin came behind the counter and propped his elbow up, chin in his hand. I walked up and slapped the back of his head as he watched Mikasa.

"Ow! Hey!" He said and I laughed.

"Daydream on your own time," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah yeah. So, what do you think of new guy," he whispered and wiggled his eyebrows. _Of course he noticed._

"Seems like an ass," I said as Armin leaned closer to me to whisper more.

"A hot ass?" He said and I chuckled.

"I don't know, I didn't see his ass," I said and Armin realized what he said and laughed.

"I didn't mean it like that, but it works," he said and I rolled my eyes and leaned in to whisper to him again.

"I hope you remember that you're the one who was just staring at my sister's ass." I said and he blushed darkly.

"Wh-what?!"

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

There's one place I would always sneak off to at night. There's a hidden lake just past the field by Hannes's house. Next to it is the big willow tree that I would take refuge on. I played music on the radio that night as I watched the meteor shower.

I've always had a fascination with the sky. The way everything in it is so untouchable, but so beautiful. Like the stars as they fly though the sky and suddenly disappear, never to be seen by us again. The literally endless beauty that is our infinite sky has always had me interested. Shit, that sounded deep. I guess that's what it does to me. Makes me think about things.

My mind started to drift to the new boy. I don't know why, but I found him fascinating too. Maybe I should try talking to him. _No, that's stupid. You'll only get hurt. He'll only get hurt,_  I thought as I stared at the sky and wondered if he's looking up at it too.

 

 

_I wish you had stayed_

_Wish you hadn't gone_

_Then I could still hold you safe in my arms_

 

_You got caught in the fire_

_And then you got burned_

_I wish I had saved you from the harm._

 

 

The new song played in the radio with a low voice and a simple guitar melody. The person was talented, but I had never heard of them before. I listened to the song as the stars fell from the sky.

 

 

_Maybe I need you_

_And maybe you need me_

_And I'll be there for you_

 

_I hope you see that he cares_

_I hope you know he's there_

_And we'll be there for you._

 

 

I listened as the song built up as any country song does and came to a bittersweet end. The speakers running the station at the time started talking about the singer.

"And that was Levi Ackerman with his new single! He really came out of nowhere," one of the speakers said.

"Yeah, he did. He's a good singer and writes his owns songs. This one was about his younger sister apparently." The other speaker said. _Hmm, Ackerman? I wonder if he's related to Mikasa._

I looked up to see the shower had slowed down. _Well, I should probably go in,_ I thought to myself and packed up my radio. I got to Hannes house and climbed the tree next to my room. I threw the radio onto my bed and swung in.

"I knew you snuck out again," Mikasa said and I nearly jump back out the window.

"Shit Mika, you scared me," I said and sat on my bed. She came in the bed with me and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Hey, you okay?" I said as I slipped an arm around her.

"Had a nightmare, that's all," she said nonchalantly, but I knew how these things got to her.

"It's okay, Mika. I'll protect you." I said and she nuzzled into me. As much as Mikasa liked to be the strong one, she had her fears like everyone else, and she always bottled them up.

"It was about Mom," she said and I tensed slightly.

"He's in jail. He can't hurt you. Even if he was free, I wouldn't let him." I said and I meant it. I'd always protect her. She smiled weakly and played with the sleeve of my flannel.

"I need to take you shopping. This is hideous. This is the 2000's and flannels went out of style last decade." She said and I rolled my eyes.

"I like my clothes, thank you. Besides, why be fashionable when I can be cozy." I said and she chuckled.

"You definitely dress how you act," she said and I puffed out my chest obnoxiously.

"Awesomely?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Like your don't give a shit," she said as she played with the fringing hem on my sleeve, which I pull from her and point to the door kiddingly.

"Out."


	2. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd add two just so you can see a little of both. Enjoy:)

I'm on the stage, accepting a trophy at the CMA's. It's a dream come true. I won album of the year, literally what I've dreamed about since I was a teenager, but it feels wrong. Like I'm missing something.  _How could that be? This is what I've always wanted_.

My mind flashes to a tree by a lake. To a boy in hideous flannels that only he can work. To a pair of bright eyes. _Why am I thinking about him now? Why do I still feel like I need him?_ I look down to Isabel and Farlan in the crowd. They seem to notice something is wrong too, judging my the look of their faces.

I look down at the notecards my manager had given me and tear them. There's a gasp from the audience and I look up to a sea of shocked faces. "I need to come clean." I say and look back to my manager, Rico, standing behind the stage. She looks pissed, but doesn't say no. I know I could very well be throwing everything away, but I can't bring myself to care. He's the reason I'm here. He's what's missing. I wonder if it's too late.

"This album was about my first love. I'm not lying when I say that. But my first love was a boy. I'm gay." I say into the microphone and everybody starts talking. I wonder if I can win him back. Because I forgot who I am. I forgot how much I need him. But suddenly, nothing else matters.

"Thank you all for this. It means the world to me, but I needed to tell the truth." I say and turn to walk off stages. I go to a dressing room and lock the door until I hear a familiar voice.

"Levi, you better open up!" Farlan says and I open the door. To my surprise, he doesn't look mad, but shocked while Isabel is smiling like an idiot.

"Finally!" She says and hugs me. I look to Farlan and he smiles slightly.

"I did not see that coming." He says with a laugh.

"Guys I need to go." I say and they exchange a look.

"We're coming with you," they both say.

"How do you know where I'm going?" I ask and Isabel rolls her eyes.

"I knew you were going to see him from the start of your speech." She says with a small smile I find myself mirroring.

"Okay, I guess we're going back to Trost."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I walk into the diner after all this time. The door chime can't be heard over the amount of people outside. I look up to see Armin sitting at a table behind a laptop. "Mushroom?" I say and his head snaps to me.

"Oh my god, Levi!" He gets up and hugs me.

"Little Mushroom grew up," I say and I swear, truer word were never spoken. He has shorter hair and it looks good on him, thick glasses over those blue eyes, and he actually has some build, height and muscle. He obviously is still as shy as before, because he looks down and blushes.

"Thanks. You look good," he says. Armin was always a cute kid. Mikasa is a lucky girl. "Well, sit down!" He says, gesturing across from him. I nod and take the seat.

"So I read your book," I say and he blushes.

"I'm sorry! Eren said I could use the story! I mean, it had a good plot... until the end..." He says, looking down at the last part.

"Well, I'm here for a sequel." I say and his head snaps up.

"Oh boy, so the rumors are true. I don't know how that will go over with him," he says and neither of us are referring to a book anymore.

"Why? Does he have a boyfriend?" I ask, worried about the answer.

"No, he's single, but... I hope you realize how much you hurt him," Armin says, a bit of venom in his voice.

"I know. I was an asshole and he deserves better, but I want to do it right this time." I say and he looks up at me with softer eyes.

"My phone number is still the same. I'll help, but you're about to get kicked out." He says and I send him a questioning look. It's soon answered by a hand roughly pulling at my collar.

"Out." Mikasa says as she shoves me towards the door. She still looks radiant, hair slightly shorter, skin almost glowing. I look down and realize she has a baby bump.

"Hi Mikasa. It's nice to see you too." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"You're banned from here. Said by the owner." She says and I feel my eye widen.

"Banned by Hannes? Since when does he ban people?" I ask as she pushed me and she stops right before the door.

"Hannes died four years ago, but you wouldn't know that. Eren owns this place and only two people have ever been banned. Michael Johns and you." I cringe at the idea of being put in a category as Michael Johns, but part of me doesn't blame Eren. I was pretty bad to him. "Out." Mikasa repeats and I listen, being pushed to the crowd outside.

"Levi! Do you know this place?"

"Levi! Is the blonde man in there your boyfriend?"

"Levi! Is it actually true that you're gay?"

I listen to them throw questions at me as I walk to my car, parked next to a familiar blue and white pickup truck. I look back to see a familiar pair of ocean eyes glaring at me through the door. I leave the parking lot with a pain in my chest I've grown accustomed to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I know I shouldn't have done it, but I wanted to see if he was there. I found myself going to the tree he always perched at like some fucking bird. No surprise, there he was, beer in hand. "You sure you should be drinking that so high up?" I ask and Eren scoffs.

"If you remember, I'm the one who can actually hold his liquor," he says with bitterness in his voice.

"So, how have you been?" I ask, looking up at him. His chestnut hair is longer than before, coming down to his shoulder. He's still wearing his flannel, it hanging down his back loosely, showing that it's unbuttoned in the front. His back is to me as he faces the sunset on the lake, but I can see the growing tenseness in his shoulders, showing he's either holding back anger or tears. Or both. The thought makes my heart clench.

"You come back after five years and say 'how have you been'? You might wanna find a new approach if you don't want me to kick you out." He says and I feel a bit of hope at his words.

"So, there's a chance that you won't kick me out?" I asks and he scoffs again.

"No, not really." He says and that hope is crushed.

"So, I came out." I say, hoping for a miracle.

"I know." He says and I'm deflated even more.

"I was hoping for a second chance, but I know that's a lot to ask for." I say and he turns to me.

"You think? You just left me. No warning. You actually dumped me over the phone. No big deal. You went back on everything you ever said. Sure, you can have a second chance. When pigs fly." He says and I look at his eyes, rimmed with red.

"Oh Eren," I breathe out and he probably notices I can see his tears, because he turns his back to me.

"You need to leave," he says, voice trembling from crying and obviously anger at this point.

"Okay, I'll leave you alone right now." I say and I'm surprised by his answer.

"No, I mean leave here. Rumor has it you're here to win me back and it's not gonna work, so just go run away again. You seem to do it very well." Well that one hurt.

"I'm not giving up on us," I say and he turns to glare at me over his shoulder.

"You already did." He says though gritted teeth and takes a swig of his beer. I leave and after I get to the car, I look back to see his head in his hands, shoulders heavily shaking now. _"I hope you realize how much you hurt him."_ Armin was on to something. Maybe I don't know how much I hurt him.


	3. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have a problem. I have writers block on my other story, but not on this one... So, here's another chapter! This one has sexual assault triggers, so just a warning. Sorry:/ Enjoy though:)

"Well aren't you cute," I heard screaming from my locker the next day, so I went to investigate. I found a girl naked by the locker room surrounded by the hockey guys. She had choppy red hair and big green eyes that were screaming for help. There was a pile of ripped clothes next to her and she was in the fetal position.

"A cute little whore," some boy I couldn't see the face of said as he approached the girl. There was a crowd around them, but they stand and do nothing. The girl was shaking, obviously too scared to fight back. There was a look in her eyes that makes my heart hurt. A look that says she'd seen it all before.

Before I knew it, I punched the guy who called her a whore."What the hell was that for?" Michael Johns yelled at me and I flicked him off.

"You are all terrible people! To hurt her like this? What if that was your sister? Your mother? No one deserves that!" I yelled and everybody faltered slightly. I turned to the girl and crouched down to her. She visibly flinched, so I didn't approach her anymore than handing her the wet towel next to her.

"I have a spare set of baseball clothes in the locker room if you want." I said and she nodded slightly. I offered her my hand, which she took slowly. I walked her into the locker room and went to my bag. "Okay, blue or red shirt?" I asked and she smiled like a kid in a candy shop.

"Blue," she said with an extremely young voice for her body. I wasn't staring, don't get me wrong, but her eyes were the only thing that would match her voice. I handed the shirt to her and she slides it on. Seeing how it reaches halfway down her thigh, I looked over to her and smile.

"I'm Eren, by the way," I said and she looked up to me.

"Isabel. Thanks for that out there," she said as she extended a hand to me.

"No problem," I said with a smile before I suddenly hit the ground.

"Get your hands of my sister, asshole," the raven haired boy said as he kicks my side.

"Big Brother, stop! He helped me!" Isabel said and the boy pauses. I then noticed a blonde boy I'd never seen before holding her hand.

"Is this true?" The blonde asked me, obviously pissed.

"Yeah, I was about to give her some pants," I said and the raven haired boy stared me down. I got up with my hands up and got the pants from my bag and handed them to him. He turned around and gave them to Isabel as I went to leave.

"Hey kid," a low voice called from behind me. I turned to see the dark haired boy closer to me as the blonde helped Isabel. "Thanks," he said and I waved to him before leaving for class.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I got to baseball to see the blonde boy from the locker room standing by Coach Shadis. "Listen up you shits!" He screamed to call our attention. "This is our new first baseman, Farlan Church!" He yelled and we all got in a huddle around them.

Farlan made eye contact with me and smiled slightly. Shadis told us the drill to do and we all went to the home plate to bat for the first string defense, the second string pitcher and catcher practicing. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name earlier," Farlan said as he got in line behind me.

"I'm Eren," I said and extended a hand to him, which he shook.

"Thank you for helping my girlfriend today," he said with a charming smile.

"No problem. But tell her brother that his kicks hurt." I said with a laugh. He chucked with me.

"Yeah, my brother knows how to kick," he said and my eyes widened.

"Wait, are you dating your sister?" I asked and his eyes widened too.

"No! Oh god no! None of us are related, we just live with the same guy. He's their guardian, but I'm eighteen so I just live there. He never had to formally adopt me." He explained and I nodded.

"Ah, I see," I said and he scratched the back of his head.

"I probably should've explained that first," he said with a nervous chuckle and I lightly slapped his back.

"Naw, it's fine. To each their own, right?" I said and he smiled.

"I think I'm gonna like you kid," he said and went up to bat. He hit it outside of the fence.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Turned out I had art with Isabel. It was Friday when she came and sat next to me. "Hi Eren," she said shyly as she came over with her sketchbook.

"Hey!" I said and made room for her and she visibly relaxed.

"I heard you play baseball with Farlan. He said you were really good," she said.

"Naw, I'm decent. He great though," I said and she smiled.

"He loves it," she said with a smile and we go to drawing in silence. There's something about Isabel that I just liked. Her presence was light and she was good company.

She bit her lip and looked up at me."I'm sorry, this is gonna sound weird, but can I draw you? I really like drawing people." She asked and I smiled.

"I'd be honored to be your model." I said and she giggled. I continued the picture I had started the night before from my tree as she got to work. I had drawn a sunset for the millionth time. Much like the others stars, I always loved the sun. The beams of light coming down and making a mood just feel warm, literally and figuratively.

I tilted my head to look at my drawing and Isabel shrieked, attracting a lot of stares. "Right there! The light hits your eyes just right! Oh, you're so pretty! And now you're blushing!" She raved and I know I was probably red from my ears to my neck.

Normally, I would've moved or said something as the whole class laughs at me, but something about Isabel drawing with her tongue absentmindedly sticking about had stopped me. She looked at peace in her work, and who was I to disrupt that? To be honest, it made me happy. I knew then I'd know this girl for a long time. I decided I liked that.

The bell for class ended and she groaned. "Dammit! Well, at least I got what I needed to finish." She said and showed it to me. It was an outline of me all except the eyes, which had been drawn in great detail.

There were probably at least twenty different shades of green and blue and I had to double check to see if it was me on that paper. Not that the drawing was bad, because holy shit, it was far from bad, but she made me look, well, pretty. "I know it's not great..."

"Are you kidding? You have a gift! It's all to scale and you actually manage to make me look decent." I said and she laughed.

"Thank you, but it's not hard to draw a cute little boy like you." She said and pinched my cheek.

"Hey! Aren't you younger than me?" I asked and she laughed again.

"I'm seventeen," she said and my eyes widened.

"Oh. We're the same age then," I said and she nodded.

"Yeah, Big Brother wanted me to find a friend my age and you seemed nice, so I facebook stalked you." She said with no shame and I laughed.

"Well next time, add me." I said and she smiled.

"Deal."


	4. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry it's taken so long! It's harder writing present than past and I had to write for my other fic. So here you go! Enjoy:)

Isabel and Farlan had gotten married when Isabel turned eighteen. She never lost contact with Eren. They acted as best friends even after Eren and I broke up. Isabel loves Eren. She even named her firstborn after him. She has Eren Jr. with her today as we walk downtown.

He has big green eyes like Isabel and blonde hair like Farlan. To be honest, he actually looks like Eren with the shaggy hair and the eyes, although his lean more towards hazel than blue. We walk into a small coffee shop and I'm surprised by the person I see at the table in the corner.

"Eren!" Isabel says and Grown Up Eren looks up and smiles at her. He has a blue and black flannel on and they bring out those eyes and my heart skips it beat like it always does when I see him. Something's never change.

"Wha'?" Little Eren says and Grown Up Eren smiles even wider as Isabel and Eren Jr. walk over.

"Oh my gosh! I finally get to meet you!" He says and Isabel picks up her boy. "Hi, my name is Eren too," he says with a smile as he lowers his head to the boy. He side hugs Isabel happily. "It's so good to see you," he says to her.

"It good to see you too! I brought someone for you," she says and points to me. Eren's smile falls.

"Isabel..."

"Levi, come say hi!" She interrupts him and I walk over.

"Hey," I extend a hand to him. He looks at it for a few seconds before lightly shaking it. "I'll get us coffee," I say and Isabel smiles.

"Thanks Big Brother!" She says and sits down, Eren Jr. sitting the other Eren. He talks to Isabel in a harsh whisper and I manage to hear the whole thing in the quiet shop.

"What the hell? I told you not to bring him."

"He wanted to see you and I wanted to see you. I figured it worked."

"I wanted to see you too. You've grown into a beautiful women."

"Aww, thank you! And you're a beautiful man."

He laughs at that.

"Well, thank you. Wait, no. I'm supposed to be mad at you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you wouldn't come."

He pauses.

"Still. Not cool, Isabel. You know I didn't want to see him and..."

"Here's you're coffee," I say as I sit down next to Isabel. "Hot chocolate for the kid, caramel latte for the lady, and a mocha with one cream for Bright Eyes." I say and his eye widen slightly, but he composes himself quickly.

"Thanks," he says quietly.

"Thank 'ou Uncl' Leevi!" Eren Jr. says. Eren smiles at the mini him as he takes a sip of his coffee.

"So, you own the diner now?" Isabel asks and Eren smiles.

"Yup, she's my own now," he says with a smile, gaze pointedly avoiding mine.

"So how's Hannes?" She asks and he looks down.

"He passed away," he says quietly.

"I'm sorry," I say and he grits his teeth and I have a feeling I may have hit a nerve.

"Not your fault," he says, looking out the window before turning to Isabel with a smile. "Mikasa's pregnant," he says and Isabel squeaks.

"Oh my gosh! Is it a boy or a girl?" She asks and leans forward. "Boy, and thank god. I don't know how Armin would do with a teenaged girl being the oldest. Boys are easier to deal with." Eren says and Isabel laughs.

"I wouldn't say that until they're much older. Little Junior here is pretty crazy." She says and the little boy giggles. "So what about the other?" Isabel asks and Eren looks up in thought.

"Historia and Ymir are planning their wedding, Annie and Bert eloped, surprisingly enough, Jean and Marco are coming down for the summer with little Rose tomorrow, Reiner found a girl named Maria that he really loves, and Hanji has been going crazy about the wedding. Erwin seems as composed as ever about it and it's honestly weirding to me. I'm not sure about the other two, I haven't talked to them in a good four months." He says.

"Petra is due in a few weeks, but she and Oluo are home." I say and Eren doesn't spare a glance.

"And there you have it," he says to Isabel and gestures to me. "I swear to god everyone is married or with kids," he jokes.

"All except you and Levi," she says and his eyes widen before standing up and looking down.

"Okay, well, it was nice seeing you, Isabel. Maybe we can meet up again. Without him." He says and puts some money on the table. He walks out quickly and I watch him leave. As soon as he's gone, Isabel turns to me.

"Holy shit."

"Mommy say a bad wo'd!" Eren Jr. says and she covers her mouth.

"I know," I say to her and her shoulder slump.

"He loves you," she says and my head snaps to her.

"Did you not see that?" I ask and she rolls her eyes.

"He's obviously hurt. That alone says more that you know," she says and stands up. "Come on Junior," she says and picks up her child and we turn to leave. _He still loves me? I guess I can only hope._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"OH MY GOD IT'S LEVI!" I hear her yell as Isabel is in the store and it's the first time it's actually means something to me other than 'run' in a long time.

"Levi?" Erwin says from next to his soon-to-be wife as she runs up and picks me up in a hug.

"Holy shit, you're still this strong?" I say so Hanji and she puts me down and laughs. "How have you guys been?" I ask and they both smile.

"I've been good, she's been going even more insane." Erwin says and my eyebrows raise.

"Is that possible?" I ask and he chuckles.

"She's probably about to run off somewhere in three. Two. One."

"Oh, look at those flower!" She yells and, as Erwin said, runs off to look at a flower cart.

"She always like this?" I ask and he smirks.

"Yeah, but as long as she doesn't do it during the wedding, I'm fine with it." He says and I bark out a laugh.

"I can so see here running after a squirrel in a wedding dress," I say and we both laugh because that's just way too Hanji.

"So what brings you back? The wedding isn't for about a month." He asked. Of course I was planning on coming back for that because I'm not _that_ much of an asshole.

"Have you really not heard?" I ask.

"I heard you came out and Eren is acting weird, so I'm guessing those are tied together." He says and I nod.

"I'm here to get him back and it's not going too well." I say and he laughs.

"No offense, but I don't blame him." He says.

"Me neither. But this isn't about me, you're the one getting married." I say and he smiles.

"I'm just lucky to have her." He says and a light smile spreads on my face for them.

"I'm glad." I say and he turns to me.

"We're having everybody over tomorrow night for dinner. You should come. Bring Isabel and Farlan too since I'm assuming they're here." He says to me and I nod.

"That sounds nice. Is it a kids thing?" I ask as Hanji comes back over and Erwin nods.

"Yeah, you guys can bring Eren." He says and Hanji practically starts jumping.

"Yay! It'll be fun! Wait. Which Eren are you bringing?" She asks skeptically.

"Junior," I say and she sighs.

"I thought you meant big Eren. I guess I'm still not used to that." She says and I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes. It's five years later. She's fucking used to it. She just didn't wanna directly ask, the clever shit. Isabel walks out with said Baby Eren and Hanji squeals. "Oh my gosh!" She says and hugs Isabel.

"Hi Hanji, hi Erwin." Isabel says and waves to Erwin from her hug with Hanji.

"Well, what time should we get there?" I ask and she smiles warmly.

"Come over at seven! And bring desert! Preferably pie. All the kids like pie and we always run out." she says as she breaks from Isabel.

"Okay, I'll see you there," I say and Isabel, Eren Jr., and I turn to walk to Kenny's old house.

"See you then!" They both call after me.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I look to the cookbook to see if I'm doing this right. I am. But it looks like shit. "You're supposed to flatten it more!" Isabel says next to me with a laugh.

"I'm doing exactly what the book says." I say and she and Eren Jr. laugh at me.

"That book is sixty five years old and you have to consider the fact you didn't sift the flour." She says and looks at my ball of dough.

"Is that why it's so thick?" I ask and she giggles.

"Yes, go get me the roller." She says and I go on a search for it. I don't remember where anything is in this kitchen. I'm crawling to another shelf before I run into someone's foot.

"What the fuck, Levi," Kenny says and lightly kicks me.

"Kenny, where do you put the goddamn roller?" I ask and Isabel sighs.

"Eren is going to be swearing by the time he's five." She says and Kenny laughs.

"That's the fun in it. My first words were 'shitty diaper'," he says and I laugh.

"Fitting. Now where is it," I ask and he rolls his eyes.

"In the baking drawer," he says and I get up as he opens the drawer and pulls it out. I got to the dough and go to roll it, but it won't roll.

"Okay, so the bottom crust cooperates, but not the top? Fuck this. Isabel, you take over. This is why I don't bake." I say as I drop the roller and sit down next to Eren Junior. He giggles at me as Isabel does it flawlessly. "I don't understand." I say and Farlan comes down on the phone.

"Okay, you can't act like this is that big of a deal. I'm a salesman, I can work over the phone. Sorry I'm not traveling right now. Whatever, I know you're not firing me. You see? That's why you can't lose me. I'll work from here. Yes, I know their phone number. Goodbye." He says and hugs Isabel, burying his head in her neck as he groans.

"Work?" She asks and he nods. As weird as this sounds, Farlan is a makeup salesman. It's funny as hell, but he's good at it. He naturally charming and people easily trust him.

"Levi, do you have the number for the studio you went to before the CMA's? I kind of just lied to my boss and said I had it." He says, muffled by Isabel's neck.

"Yeah, I can send it to you." I say and he looks up and smiles.

"Thanks dude. And why is she cooking and you're pouting." He says and everybody laughs.

"I could never get that boy to bake. He can cook damn well though." Kenny says and Farlan nods.

"So, dinner for four and a half?" I say and everyone but Eren Jr. nods as he counts everyone.

"Heyy! 'Ou only counteded yours'lf as ha'f!" He says and everyone laughs.


	5. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! So, here's some character development stuff! I like this chapter because it's starts to explain the town alittle. So, here you go! Enjoy:)

After baseball games, I normally worked the night shift. It was a nice way to cool down, plus it made up for my hours I had to miss. That night had been an abnormally slow night for a Friday. _Probably some party._

I was thinking I might have closed up early when the bell rang on the door and I looked to see a the raven haired boy from the locker room in a leather jacket come up to the bar counter and sit down. My heart pounded in my chest as soon as I knew it was him.

_Okay, calm the fuck down. It's not that big of a deal._ He looked down and I could see the hallow holes holding his eye which were glaring at the table. "Welcome to the 104th, I'm Eren and I'll take your order when you're ready." I recited nervously and he rolled his eyes.

"I might be here for awhile," he said, still not looking up, but pulling out a notepad from his bag.

"Fine by me, but I'm technically supposed to kick you out if you don't order, so what do you want?" I said and he shrugged.

"Got coffee?" He said with an over pronounced 'o'.

"I can make a pot, but isn't it a bit late?" I said and he looked up to me.

"I told you I'd be here for awhile," he said with a tired voice and half of me was worried about him and half of me was worried about the pounding in my chest. I nodded and turned to make his coffee. It was silent but the sound of pencil on paper and water being evaporated. I wiped down the counter as the coffee started going.

"So, what's you're name? Aren't you the new boy?" I said.

"I'm Levi," he said without looking up.

"Nice to meet you, Levi. Where ya' from?" I asked.

"New York." He answered and I nodded.

"I can see that. You have a small accent," I said.

"So do you. You talk really relaxed." He said while he wrote.

"You stress your vowels too much," I said and he set his pencil down and put his head in his hands.

"I don't know what to do." He said, bringing an end to the small talk and I looked up to him as I continued to scrub.

"What about?" I said. It's not uncommon to have people vent during the night shift. Part of me loves it because of that reason. It's nice to help people through their problems.

"Can I get some advice?" He asked and I set my rag down and moved in front of him.

"Sure," I said and he looked up slightly before sighing.

"My sister is... a bit out there. She's not like other girls her age. She's getting bullied for stuff that isn't her fault. Is that normal? And is it against the law to beat up an asshole?" He said and I thought of the little red headed girl in my art class.

"You mean that cute, little girl Isabel?" I said and he glared at me.

"You better keep your hands off her, you shitty brat." He said and I put my hands up.

"Not cute like that! Cute in the way my sister is cute. The kind of girl you want to look out for." I said and his eyes widened slightly.

"Wait, you're the one that help her the other day. Why?" He asked as he skeptically eyed me.

"Because women deserve to be treated with respect. Call me old fashioned," I said and he nodded.

"I agree." He said.

"Is she okay?" I asks and he looks down.

"I'm not sure she's ever been okay." He said and I felt my heart tighten, but didn't pry on that part.

"Well, to answer your question, it is illegal if you make it to assault, but that's pretty hard here. Other than that, it's probation at school if you're caught, no matter where it is. And to answer your other question, people in Trost, Georgia don't do well with diversity." I said and he let out a 'Tch'.

"That's the most honest, yet historically accurate thing I've ever heard," he said and I laughed.

"Tell me about it. We still have problems with racism, and if that doesn't say a lot, I don't know what does. It's a town of racists and homophobes. Damn lot of them too." I said without thinking. "Shit, sorry! I don't mean to offend you if that's offensive..." I said.

"It's okay. I hope I'm not racist and I'm certainly not a homophobe, considering I'm gay." He said and my eyes widened.

"Oh, that's cool, just might wanna keep that in the down low." I said and moved to get his coffee.

"I don't plan on putting it on a sign, but if people know, they know. No point in hiding it," He said as I poured the brown liquid into a black mug.

"That's brave of you considering what happened last year." I said as I handed the mug to him and he raised an eyebrow.

"What happened?" He asked and I felt my eyebrow raise.

"You don't know? Oh, well a friend of mine came out and a week later, he was found in a ditch." I said while I held back tears at the memory of finding Thomas at the side of the freeway. It was still a soft subject for me, even a year later, so I changed the subject.

"So what are you writing?" I asked and he looked up.

"Um, nothing." He said and shut it quickly. I gave his a questioning look that went ignored, so I dropped the subject. He picked up his mug by the rim and and brought it to his lips. _That's an odd way of drinking it._ I guess I said that out loud because he looked up to me. "I just like it this way," he said and continued to drink it.

We stayed in a comfortable silence, him eventually writing again, until around 4 when my shift ended. Eld and Gunther, two other employees came in and waved to me, so I took off my apron. "Well, my shift's up," I said as I pulled my red and black flannel over my white v-neck. It was spring, so a coat wasn't necessary at that point.

"I should head out too," Levi said and put his jacket on. He slapped 10 dollars on the table and swung his backpack over his shoulder. I walked with him to the parking lot to find our cars parked on separate sides. "Thanks for tonight. Maybe I'll see you around," Levi said as he threw a wave over his shoulder.

"See ya', Levi!" I said before climbing in my car. I sat and watched him leave before pulling my car out of the lot.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Thomas had come out of the closet that week. I remember how excited he was, how he wanted to shout it from the rooftop and that made me nervous.

We had been dating for a year up until that point. Nobody knew though. As much as I wanted to tell people, I wanted to get past high school without dealing with the bigotry, but he was determined. He wanted me to come out too and was a little disappointed when I said I wouldn't. He understood, but he wanted us to come out together.

I remember finding him. He was dead by that time, beaten and disfigured at the bottom of the ditch. Armin was with me and I collapsed when I found Thomas. I ended up telling Armin everything. That I was in love with the boy in the ditch. That I refused to come out with him. That I was gay.

He smiled and told me he had known pretty much all of that. I told myself no one else would know. I wouldn't put anyone in danger. I'd find a girl I can stand and live happily every after.

Something about it left a bad taste in my mouth.

 

 

* * *

 

 

I met up with Armin the next day and he climbed into my truck. "Eren, I need your help." He said and I smiled.

"Okay, what's up?" He said as I pulled out. We were going to meet up with Marco, Jean, Connie, Erwin, and Oluo for a boys night. We had planned on going to Connie's house and watching The Dark Knight in the basement, so we were heading over there.

"I want to ask Mikasa out." He asked and I practically started jumping in my car.

"Yes! Finally!" I said and he looked at me with a strange look.

"So is this your blessing?" He asked with a laugh and I smiled.

"Duh!" I said and it and turned to see him smile too. "We will discuss details with the boys." I said and continued to drive. Perks of a small town is everyone lives close, so we're there not even five minutes later. We walked up to the door but Connie beat us to it.

"Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know that some other people are here." He whispered and I raised an eyebrow.

"Who?" I asked and he looked kind of nervous.

"Erwin brought Farlan and Levi," he said and Armin stiffened while my heart sped up. _Shit. No. Calm yourself._

"I thought they kind of hated us," he said and I looked at him.

"Really? They're both really nice," I said and they both looked at me like I was crazy. "Calm down guys," I said and moved past them into the basement that was in a tense silence.

Farlan looked up at me and smiled. "Hey Eren!" He said and the others turned to me. I sat next to Levi, Farlan on the other side and no one else on the couch. Armin came and sat next to me as he waved to everyone. I could faintly hear Farlan to tell Levi to "be sociable" and I had to hold back a laugh.

"Okay guys, we have big news," I said and everybody turned to me. "Armin is finally gonna ask Mikasa out!" I said and the whole room cheered, minus Farlan and Levi.

"Finally!" Connie said and Farlan shot me a confused look.

"Armin has liked Mikasa since the fifth grade and she's liked him back, but he's to insecure to admit that part," I said and Armin elbowed me.

"Not cool, dude." He said and I laughed.

"So what's the plan?" Erwin asked. He's always the type of guy to plan stuff out. Don't get me wrong, he likes to have fun, but he gets his shit done. He looks like Captain America in all the new movies, but those hadn't come out yet. He looks like a grown up Armin with eyebrows probably bigger than my thumb. The man is jacked and had his hair in an undercut, but a neat, blonde one. He was always like a leader of us.

We always try and help each other in the whole "wooing" process. We helped Jean get Marco, Connie get his girlfriend Sasha, and Erwin get his girlfriend Hanji. Now we finally got to help Armin.

"We could do one of those flash mobs," Marco said and and Connie groaned.

"If I have to see one more of those videos, I might puke," he said and flopped on Jean on the other couch, and Jean shoved him to the floor.

"Puke on me, you're dead." He said and ran his fingers through his stupid two toned hair.

Jean had a rather mature look to him, or at least, that's what you'd think until you saw that he looked like a horse. He had long ass face and squinty eyes and has long ass legs.

Connie looked like a young, old man. Yeah... it makes sense of you saw him. He had a buzz cut that made him almost look bald, huge ass eyes, and was shorter that a squirrel.

"How about you get her flowers?" Farlan said and Armin looked like he was considering.

"I mean, it's a good idea, but I wanna do something really special." He said then I was surprised when Levi spoke up.

"Why don't you write her a poem or a song?" I wasn't the only one surprised by the cheesy answer. A few people looked up at him, but he just look at Armin.

"I suck at singing and rhyming, but I like the idea," Armin says with a shy smile.

"Well, we got a group of guys here to help you. The Dark Night can wait," Erwin said and then Oluo came in.

"Oh shit, not you," he said and walked over to Levi. "First you try to steal my girl, then you try and steal my friends!" He said to Levi, honestly pissed.

"Trust me, I can assure you I'm not trying to steal your "girl"," he said "girl" with air quotes and it only made Oluo more mad.

"Prove it!" He said and Levi stood up to reveal how much shorter he was than Oluo, but I would still put my money on Levi if they were in a fight. Farlan grabbed Levi's arm and he sat down with a deep breath.

"I'm not interested, so you can keep pining, Old Man" Levi said and I had to hold back a laugh at this whole thing.

Oluo wasn't a very good looking man, much different than Levi. Oluo had laugh lines that made him look much older and thin eyes. He had a worse undercut than Jean because his was this weird perm thing at the top. Petra liked him, no doubt about it, but I wouldn't have blamed her for thinking Levi was hot, with his smooth skin and dark hair and god, is he wear cologne? _Fuck. Get your shit together, Jaeger._

"What? Is she not pretty enough for you?" Oluo said and he was obviously just looking for something to be mad at the hot guy next to me for.

"No, not dicky enough for me," he said and I laughed as everyone stared and Farlan face palmed. Armin was staring at me with wide eyes as I laughed at that.

"That was the best coming out lines I've ever heard," I said and Farlan looked over at me with a small smile. Levi was still having a stare off with a shocked Oluo which was even funnier. By the time Oluo started sputtering, everyone was laughing. Levi looked over to me with an amused look in his eyes and his mouth barely curved up. _Is that a smile?_

"And here you said people around here were homophobes," he said quietly to me and I rolled my eyes.

"Those two are about as straight as rainbows," I said, pointing to Jean and Marco. Jean put his arm around Marco and glared at Levi.

"Don't get any ideas, he's mine." Jean said and Levi checked both of them out. Then he turns to Marco.

"You can do better," he said and everybody laughed, even Oluo, except for Jean.

"I like this guy!" Connie said and Levi's lip twitched again.

Connie got out a huge ass whiteboard to write the poem and it took awhile before someone finally said something productive.

"How does she make you feel?" Levi said and Armin looked at him.

"I love her, how do you think she makes me feel?" He said and Levi shrugged.

"You tell me," he said and Levi picked up the marker.

"Well, everything feels like it's in slow motion when I'm with her... but I also don't have enough time to say something intelligent. I can't breathe when I'm around her... and... yeah." Armin said and was to flustered to continue, but I know he could've. Levi wrote down everything in bullet points.

"Okay, now you just string all that together." He said and wrote it out.

 

_Whenever you're around,_

_You take my breath away,_

_Even as the time slows down,_

_I can't find the words to say._

 

Levi wrote down and Armin stared at him with obvious surprise. "You have to teach me how to do that." He said and it could be my eyes playing tricks on me, but there seemed to be a pink blush on his cheeks.

He looks away and lets out a 'tch'. "It's nothing," he said and Jean let out a short laugh.

"That's nothing? If that's nothing, I really hope you're not trying to steal my boyfriend," Jean said and Marco laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Calm down, I'm not leaving you," Marco said and I can't help but smile at the exchange.

"Hey, boy's night, not couples night," Oluo said and Erwin laughed.

"We just helped Armin write a love poem, I think that it lost that title." He said and Levi rolled his eyes.

"I didn't see you do jack shit, Eyebrows," he said and everyone laughed.

"You seem to really like nicknames," Erwin said and Levi nods.

"Who needs to know real names? I could give everyone in the room a nickname." He said and Connie jumped in his seat.

"Okay, what's mine?" He said and Levi looked him over for a second.

"Aang. You know, like the show Avatar? You're Aang." He said and Connie whooped.

"Fuck yeah, that guy's the bomb," he said.

"I thought you'd say that." Levi said.

"Okay, go around the circle," Oluo said, seeming in a better mood now.

"I don't need one for Farlan, Erwin is Eyebrows, Marco is Freckled Angel, because lord knows he's to good for you." He said the last part to Jean. "You, Jean, are Horseface."

"I knew it!" I interrupted in a moment of victory.

"Shut it, Jaeger," Jean said and I rolled my eyes.

"Connie is Aang, but I'm kinda feeling Baldie too, Oluo is Old Man, Armin is Coconut, and Eren is Bright Eyes." He said and I felt myself blush as he gave me the nickname, looking right at me.

"Why does Eren get a good one and I get 'Old Man'?" Oluo said and Levi looked over to him.

"Look in a mirror, you'll see you look like an old man. Look at Blushie over here," he said and pointed at me. "You'll see the brightest eyes you've ever seen," he said and I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

"You have a point," Erwin said and I groaned a loud "stop" and everybody laughed. I even think I heard a small chuckle from next to me.

"Cute." I wouldn't have heard it if I hadn't been listening to see if he laughed. If I wasn't red before, I was then.


	6. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm sorry I'm a day late. I'm behind on sleep and it's not going well. I just wanted to say thank you guys for the feedback thus far. Your guys feedback honestly means a lot to me. So, here's the chapter. Enjoy!

Isabel made a huge fuss over seeing everyone again.

"Do I look fat, Levi?"

"I still have my baby fat!"

"What do I wear?"

Why she was asking me and not her husband is beyond me.

I sit there in light blue swim trunks and a grey v-neck with Farlan and wait for her to get ready. He's wearing a white polo and a yellow swimsuit. Isabel comes out in a light green sundress and yellow flip flops. "Do I look okay?" She asks and I stand up.

"You look beautiful, we're leaving." I say and grab my keys. I love my sister, but _oh my god_ is she insecure. "We're going to Erwin and Hanji's place," I tell Kenny and he nods.

"Don't drink and drive," he says and I laugh as Isabel and Farlan come down, he holding Eren Jr.

"Bye," I say to him with a wave and he waves back. I get to my car and turn it on as Farlan opens the front seat door for Isabel, who has the pie she made for the occasion, and gets in the back seat with Junior and we pull out.

As soon as we're there, the car is surrounded by people. Some of the only people I want to see. As soon as I open the door, Petra is side hugging me to avoid the bulge. "Levi! I missed you," she says as I close the car door with my spare hand.

She's as cute as ever with hair in a bob-cut now and in a maxi dress that works with the bump. "I missed you too," I say as I hug back and I hear a scream.

"Isabel brought pie!!!" I look over to see a virtually unchanged Sasha swooning over the pie. She's in a yellow sundress with her hair down in wet waves, but looks that same other than that. Still pretty with her long brown hair and hazel eyes and I still have to look up at her. In fact, I have to look up at Connie now to. _What the fuck!_

He looks the same except her grew into his eyes and is taller than Sasha. Not okay. He was shorter than me. I've grown maybe two inches since high school, and that's plus wishful thinking and combat boots.

Their little girl Sina is about five now and is walking up to Sasha. Shit, she's probably starting school soon. When did we get so old?

Annie has her hair blonde down in waves and she hasn't changed much either. Bert and Reiner both have beards and Bert actually has a mustache too. Jean still looks the same. Literally nothing about him looks changed.

Same with Marco, minus some chub, who is holding Rose in his arms. The blonde girl giggles as I wave to her. "Hi Levi," Marco says and side hugs me while Jean offers his hand and a glare. _Damn Jean, why so salty?_ I shake his hand and turn to see Ymir come out holding Historia's hand.

Historia breaks her hand free and runs to jump into me. "Oh my gosh! You guys are here!" She says and I smile. We've always had a good friendship. I don't take any of her shit, but I do have a soft spot for the girl. Ymir, on the other hand, seems to resent me along with Jean, standing at a distance and half waving. I wave back as we move to go inside.

I notice a distinct lack of a certain trio as we reach the porch, but Armin opens the door for us. "Hey!" He says cheerfully and holds the door for everyone. Mikasa shoots me a glare from the couch as I move to sit next to her.

"How's are you?" I ask and she rolls her eyes.

"Fine." She says and looks away. Armin sits on the other side of Mikasa. Isabel walks out to the back with everyone else as Hanji plops next to me.

"So..." She draws out the 'o'.

"So?" I ask, not really ready for the answer.

"What's it like being a star?" She asks and I look down. I never like talking to people about this.

"It's nice. People are annoying as hell. I like playing music though, so that's nice." I say vaguely, but the look on Hanji's face says that's not enough. "I don't really know how else to explain it. It's all fun and games until you actually become a so-called 'star'. Then it's weird. You have to say or be what everyone else wants." I say and Mikasa groans.

"Oh boo hoo." She says and Armin smiles sheepishly at me.

"Not what you wanna hear?" I say to her and she glares at me.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I offended you. You want me to just forgive you now that you're back? Bite me." She says and I can't say I find myself surprised.

"I don't blame you for that. You have every right to be upset with me." I say and her eyes widen slightly, but only for a split second before narrowing.

"You have a long way to go before forgiveness is even an option." She says and I nod.

"Better than nothing," I say and turn to Hanji.

"Wanna go see the kids? They're really cute," she says, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

"That sounds nice," I say and get up. I offer a hand to Mikasa, which she glares at before taking and I pull her up. We walk outside to a sight I completely forgot about. Erwin ended up talking his parents rental home. It's by no means shabby, and he bought it off of them. It's on the ocean, so all the little kids played out there.

I remember when it was just Connie and Sasha's kid. The kids all swim, a few adults included, in the summer heat. On the deck, Mikasa sits down next to Petra while Armin walks up to a sight I'm not prepared for.

Eren is cooking on the grill with Erwin's apron on. Shirtless. And holy shit, time has done him well. His hair is wet and messier than usual and his back muscles are crazy. He's not defined to the point it's gross, but it's more than just the lean muscle from before. By the time I look to his ass, Mikasa is slapping mine. "You have an even longer way to go with him," she whispers so Eren won't hear with a devious smirk on her face and Petra giggles as I feel my cheeks burn for a completely non-sun related reason.

"Levi!" Oluo calls for me and I was not expecting what I saw. Oluo looks... good. Not super hot, but he has a better look to him now. Or maybe he grew into his wrinkles. Who knows, but he finally got rid of the two toned undercut and now his hair is a natural brown.

He runs up to the deck and grabs my hand to shake it. "Good to see ya'," he says, accent having grown slightly thicker and more like Sasha's.

"You too, Old Man," I say and he laughs.

"You're an old man too now." He says and I laugh with him. "Come down to the water! The kids are building sand castles and I bet you still build one like a kid," he says and I glare lightheartedly at him.

"Hey. You're... probably not wrong." I say and he turns.

"Come on," he says and I take off my shirt before running to catch up with him, hearing Petra whistle behind me. I don't care how stupid I probably seem. I've missed out on this for too long. I catch up with him as we walk in a slightly more civilized manner before reaching the kids.

They're all building their sand castles and they were really shitty. I mean, we have a three year old, and five year old, and a six year old. Marco and Jean adopted an older girl since there was the small issue of breastfeeding. Sasha was making one next to her daughter and it was even worse. Isabel was making one too, bonding with Sasha over their children.

I walk over and stand my Marco, who is watching his daughter. "She's beautiful. Sorry I didn't get to see her sooner." I say and he waves a hand at me.

"Life happened. It's nice you're here though." He says.

"How are you still so nice after everything?" I ask and he smiles.

"You don't have to worry about me. I have no hard feelings towards you except that you hurt Eren and that's not my business." He says with a smile.

"That actually means a lot considering the fact your husband hates me." I say and he laughs.

"So you could tell?" He says with sarcasm and I let out a laugh.

"I think he's about as mad as Mikasa. He hated me to begin with." I say and he smiles.

"He didn't really hate you. He still doesn't, but he's protective of his friends. Even Eren." He says with obvious love for the Horseface. "You fucked up, Levi. I'm just glad you're trying to fix it. That alone earns my respect. And Reiner's too. He's still gonna talk to you though. He still cares about Eren and doesn't want him hurt." He says and I turn to him.

"Wait, _still_ cares?" I say and he freezes. "What do you mean?" I ask and he turns to me with a nervous smile.

"They... um... dated for a few months. Eren thought he was over you and Reiner had always liked him." He says and I sigh, then I realize what he said.

"Thought?" I ask and he rolls his eyes.

"Blind as ever, Levi. Look behind us." He says and I turn around to see that, sure enough, Eren was turning away too quickly for it to be casual.

"I thought he was mad at me." I say and Marco laughs.

"Oh yeah he is. He's far from happy with you, but have you looked in a mirror lately? You somehow got hotter, and I'm a married man saying that." he says and I look down as my face heats up.

"Um... thanks," I say and he laughs with a bell like voice.

"How are you still shy? That doesn't even make sense," he laughs at me and I lightly slap his arm.

"Shut it, Butt." I say and he fake glares at me.

"Despite what everyone else here will say, we missed you guys. But we all think you're an asshole," he says.

"I second that," I say and halfway raise my hand, making him laugh.

"Well, now that that's settled, we have a sand castle contest to judge."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After dinner, we sit in the backyard at the fire pit. The kid are roasting marshmallows, the adults are drinking, and someone brought sparklers, so those are probably gonna happen soon. I'm sitting around, sipping my beer slow enough to not get drunk, but Erwin's gotta ruin the moment when he shoves a guitar at me.

"You're funny," I say and he smiles.

"Really? No live performance for your best friends?" He says and pouts his weird Erwin pout.

"Wow, seriously? Guilt trip?" I ask and he nods shamelessly. I take the guitar from him and he smiles. "I'm not singing though. You guys are," I say and everyone smiles. I try to think of a song they all know. "I don't know if this song was as crazy as it was up north, but I once heard it remixed for a club, so I assume you guys have heard this." I say and everybody laughs as I play the first few lines in the guitar and Reiner takes up singing.

 

 

_Now a red solo cup is the best receptacle_

_For barbecues tailgates fairs and festivals_

_And you sir do not have a pair of testicles_

_If you prefer drinking from glass_

 

_A red solos cup is cheap and disposable_

_And in fourteen years they are decomposable_

_And unlike my home they are not fore-closable_

_Freddie Mac can kiss my ass woo_

 

 

Everybody chimes in for the chorus, even the kids, for a terrible harmony I can't help but love.

 

 

_Red solo cup_

_I fill you up_

_Let's have a party let's have a party_

_I love you red solo cup_

_I lift you up_

_Proceed to party proceed to party_

 

 

Connie and Reiner sing the rest of the verses together and I can't help but laugh when Marco innocently pipes in for some of the random background talking. Everyone is enjoying the animated men sing along until the song ends. "I missed this," Isabel leans into me and whispers.

"Me too."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren goes to help clean up the beer bottles and dishes, so I decide to help him. I set down my pile of plates on him and he doesn't look up as he starts talking. "What are you doing here, Levi?" He asks as he turns the sink on.

"I already told you, I'm here to..."

"No. Why are you here? Is it because you're trying to relive your high school days? Is it a publicity stunt? What are you doing here?" He asks as he scrubs a plate.

"I'm here because I still love you," I say and his jaw tightens.

"Stop bull shitting me." He says and turns to me.

"I'm not. Do you seriously not believe me?" I ask and he sets his plate down and turns to me, obviously holding back. What is he holding back? I can't tell.

"No. No I don't. I have no reason to believe you anymore. Now tell me why you're here." He says with anger cutting in his voice. I stare at him, dumbfounded as his gaze turns deadly.

"All I want is you," I say and take a step forward, but he takes one back.

"I know that's not true. I don't know why you're here, and I know I can't make you leave, but don't lie to me. I think you've done that enough." He says and little Rose comes running in.

"Eren!" She says and runs up to him, tugging on his unbuttoned flannel. "Come swim with me," she asks and he smiles.

"Sure, Rosie," he says and picks her up as she cheers.

"Wait, Eren," I try and he turns to me.

"Your turn for dishes. You have a big mess to clean up. Unless you don't care," he says and turns away. _What a little shit._


	7. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll. So, there's mentions of rape in this chapter, so sorry. So I have something to explain about this fic before I get questions. This is a small town with a crappy police system, so it's hard for people to get arrested for rape. As much as I hate that, it's for the sake of the plot. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

On Monday, I walked into school with Mikasa to hear a big commotion. "What's going on?" She said and I shrugged my shoulders. We walked in to see Michael Johns trying to punch someone. The other person was too fast for him, dodging all his punched and adding a few of his own.

I took a closer look to see that it's Levi in there. "Is that the new kid?" Mikasa asked as I moved in and grab Levi's fist that he's about to throw.

"I told you you would get probation." I said to him and he glared at me with red rimmed eyes.

"That fucker raped Isabel." He said and that was all I needed to hear before Michael was shoved against a wall.

"What the fuck, Jaeger!" He yelled at me before I kneed him in the balls. He grunted as he fell to the ground. Then it was Levi's turn to grab my arm.

"Teacher," he said and pulled me into another hallway before we got caught.

"Thank you. You didn't have to do that." He said to me and I smiled weakly.

"She's a good girl and nobody deserves that," I said as Mikasa runs into the hallway and examines me.

"Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" She said and Levi waves shyly to me before leaving.

"No, I'm fine," I said and she slaps the back of my head. "Hey!" I said to her and she rolled her eyes.

"What the hell, Eren. You could've gotten in trouble. You could've gotten hurt! What were you thinking?" She asked.

"My friend got raped," I said and her eyes widened.

"Do I know her?" She asked and I shook my head.

"It's Levi's sister. She's our age," I said and she sends me a confused look.

"Wait, new kid Levi? How are you friends with his sister?" She asked suspiciously.

"She's in my art class, so we became friends. Levi came in to the diner during my night shift, so we know each other." I said, not mentioning the boys night since Armin haf yet to make his move and she nodded.

"I don't like that midget, but I don't blame you for helping." She said as we turn to walk towards our lockers.

"I actually have art now. I'm gonna see if she's here and okay." I said as I grabbed my stuff. Mikasa nodded and waved as she went to her class. I got to art to see Isabel staring blankly forward. "Hey," I said and sat down and she looked up at me.

"Hi," she said and smiled weakly. I sat in my spot across from her and opened my sketchbook.

"I'm drawing you today," I said and she smiled a genuine smile.

"I get to finish my picture of you," she said and I'm glad I could help her to the peppy state she's in right now. It's a very fast transition, and that worries me on how fast it will be on the fall.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I decided to work late with Hannes that day since he was working alone. Lots of people like to eat here on Mondays so they don't have to cook. Hannes and I were wiping the counter after a particularly large crowd. "God, people are pigs," he said and I laughed.

"I know. How much trash can a person leave?" I said and he laughed.

"You wanna talk about pigs? What about those people who had a fight at your school today." He said and I looked down.

"What if they had a good reason?" I asked and Hannes stopped and looked at me.

"Well, in every story, there's a titan and a pig," he said and I looked up at him confused.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he smiled.

"In Greek mythology, there were a lot of titans. Some were good and some were just assholes, but they were all considered great. There was a women named Circe who turned people who offended her into pigs. You can be the idiot who turns into a pig or a titan that stays human, or whatever they were. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is the titan is the one sticking up for what they believe in. Though they're normally smart enough to stay away from pigs." He said and I nodded. Hannes always had his weird, but wise ways of explaining things.

"Well, I kneed a guy in the balls because he raped my friend," I said and Hannes eyes widened.

"Well. You were the titan in that one. You probably should've talked it out, but we both know you suck at that." He said and I laughed. "Good for you for sticking up for her. She's gonna need good friends if it's anything like Carla." He said and I looked down. He whipped me with his rag and walked away. "Finish up, Titan. It's time for the next shift."

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day I had the night shift again. School nights were always hard because I had to do my homework while I word. I was handwriting a draft for a paper on the history of the big dipper for astronomy. I look up when the door chimes to see Levi come in.

"It's 10:30 on a school night. What are you doing here?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"I should ask you the same thing," he said and sat down, shoulders tense.

"Everything okay?" I asked as he pulled out his notebook.

"Not really. It's Isabel." he said and I leaned forward.

"Shit, I'm sorry." I said and he sighed.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. Actually, she's been working on a drawing of you for awhile now. I think Farlan is a little pissed, even though I told him about that girlfriend of yours." He said with amusment as I choked on my spit.

"Girlfriend?" I said and he looked up at me.

"Yeah, don't you have a girlfriend?" he asked and I gapped at him.

"No, I'm gay," I said before I could think. Levi's eyes widened with mine. "Shit, I didn't mean to say that," I said. _Why did I say that? I haven't told anyone but Armin that._

"It's not a big deal, don't worry," he said but naturally, when someone says don't worry, you panic.

"Shit, you better not tell anyone," I snapped and he visibly flinched.

"Calm down, I won't," he said and I calmed down.

"Sorry. I just don't want anyone around here knowing." I said and he nodded.

"I get it," he said. "So, who was the hot Asian then?" He asked and I barked out a laugh.

"That's my sister, the one Armin likes," I said and his eyes widened.

"You look nothing like your sister," he said.

"She's adopted. We both live with the owner of this shop, Hannes," I said and he nodded.

"I was adopted too," he said.

"I'm not actually adopted, my dad is just overseas," I said.

"I'm sorry, kid," he said and I looked away.

"It's fine." The topic of my father was always hard, even back then. He enlisted in the army right after mom died and Mika and I always felt kind of like he wanted to get away from us.

"If you don't mind, can I get a coffee," he asked, accent coming out in a way that made my heart jump. 

"Yeah, I should probably do my job," I said lamely, but he breathed out a short laugh. 

"Yes, because you have so many waiting customers."

"Watch the sass or I spit in your coffee," I said and he rolled his eyes with a smirk that made my stomach flip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what I did there with the Titans. Plus, who doesn't love greek mythology? And I'm thinking I'm making diner talks a regular thing, cause I really like them.


	8. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm gonna be straight with you guys. My brother got in a car accident today and I had to get pulled out of school to drive 8 hours today and I'm fucking exhausted so my editing may suck. (He's okay though)
> 
> I wrote this in the car and it might really suck since I'm still working on what the fuck to do with Levi half the time. I'm sorry if he has a lot of Eren centric conversations, but he just made a huge life choice for a guy he doesn't even know if he has a chance with. So yeah, kind of the main thing in his life right now.
> 
> I'm sorry this is so late. I think it's been like 10 days since I've posted which is really shitty of me, so I apologize. Also, this chapter is pretty short, but I'll make the next one extra long for ya'll!
> 
> This brushes on the topic of Eren's trust issues, but that'll be further explained later. He has a pretty great backstory that you'll find out about in the "past" chapters.
> 
> So, all in all, I hope ya'll enjoy the chapter!

I walk into some shitty ass, hipster coffee shop uptown Trost and look for a blonde head of hair. Armin told me to meet him here and I'm not really sure why. The diner seems like the cliche small diner: brown and tan walls, coffee paintings on said walls, bar stools and couches, you know, all that shit.

I see him wave me down and I walk over to see a cup of black coffee across from his white chocolate latte that's drowning in cream. I sit down and he smiles widely. "Hey Levi," he says happily and I'm confused.

"Why are you so perky? Mikasa give you head or something?" I say and he blushes red.

"No! I mean... Wait, no!" He says and I smirk.

"Little Mushroom is getting some." I say and he buries his face in his hands.

"I don't even know why I'm helping you." He says and I send him a quizzical look when he lowers his hands. "I want to help you get back together with Eren." He says and I feel my eyes widen.

"And why would you do that? I kind of assumed you were mad at me too." I say.

"It's not good to assume things." He says with a smirk and picks up his sad excuse for coffee.

"Well, thank you, but why?" I ask and he sets his cup down.

"Well, I love Eren. He's like a brother to me, in fact he is a brother to me now, and I know he never got over you. As hard as that is to believe, I know he didn't." He says and I roll my eyes, still not believing him.

"I really don't think he does." I say and he groans.

"I knew you'd be difficult, but that doesn't matter. I get why you think he wouldn't like you." He says as I take a sip of my drink. This place actually has decent coffee. Maybe I'd come back if it didn't look like a fetus Starbucks.

I take what Armin says to mind. "To be honest, I think he's kind of given up on love. After he dated Reiner, he just started burring himself in his work." He says. "He's always been one to run away from his feeling. As stubborn as he is, he is his own worst enemy." Armin says and I set my cup down.

Armin sure knows his shit because Eren will run into anything blindly unless it deals with his emotions. I knew something was different when I saw him. His eyes were darker, more of a green than the normal aqua they used to be. He's still Eren, but he's grown up. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

"Did I really hurt him that bad? I kind of thought he'd get over me pretty quickly." I say and Armin stares at me like I have a dick on my forehead.

"Dude, did you not read my book? People told me I was the next Nicholas Fucking Sparks after I copied down your love story, and I didn't even do it justice." He says with an exasperated smile.

"It was pretty crazy how things worked out." I say while scratching behind me neck and Armin nods. He picks up his drink and has a sip while I think this through. Armin wants to help me get Eren back. That's good. That's real good. Part of me can't believe that he even wants me back.

"So, do you have a plan, or..."

"Levi. I'm Armin Arlert. I always have a plan."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I'm sorry, what are you doing?" Farlan asks as I stand by my suitcase.

"I'm getting an apartment." I say and walk to my dresser to grab my things.

"I think that's great, Levi." Isabel says and walks over to sit on my bed.

"I don't. You haven't had one steady home since your first tour. Are you ending your career?" He asks. Despite the fact that Rico is my manager, Farlan is more of a manager. He helps her with her work and getting me under control. He knows how hard I worked to get to this point and I know he wouldn't let me just quit.

"No, I'm not ending my career, I just think I should have a place to stay. I have a new album to write and I don't want to stay with Kenny. Besides, you guys are buying a house." I say and he nods hesitantly.

"So, you're really serious about this?" Isabel asks while lying down.

"Yeah. I found a few places to look at and they look nice. I don't wanna buy a house yet though." I say and she smirks.

"Hoping for a certain blue eyed boy to take you in?" She asks and I throw my pillow at her.

"God, you're really crazy about him, aren't you?" Farlan says and I ignore him in favor of packing.

"So, you guys wanna help me search?" I ask and they nod.

"It gonna entertaining to see if they meet your standards of clean." Farlan says and I roll my eyes.

"Well excuse me if I like things clean." I say and they both laugh.

"Your standard of clean are higher than the White House," he jokes as I sit down.

"You two are sassy today. Like, more so than normal." I say, eyeing them questioningly. Farlan seems to be suddenly interested in the wall and Isabel just avoids my gaze and blushes. She blushes when she's hiding something. "You two. Talk." I say and Isabel squeaks before shoving her face into the pillow I threw at her. She's the one that'll crack.

I move over next to her and poke at her side, making her bend drastically and scream. She's so damn ticklish. I start poking at her relentlessly until Farlan pulls me back. "Dude, you can't do that, she's pregnant!" He says and immediately covers his mouth as my eyes widened.

I turn to Isabel to see her shy smile and I fully lay down next to her. "That's great! Why didn't you tell me?" I ask and she looks down.

"It's only the first month. I want to be sure she stays." She says sadly. I ruffle the hair that's sticking out on top of her head and she giggles.

"She's a girl?" I ask and she smiles.

"Yup. I can feel it." She says and Farlan lets out a quiet sigh of relief. She was like this with Eren Jr. too. I can't say I really blame her.

"God, when did we get so old?" I say as Farlan sits down at the foot of the bed.

"Hey, you two are the only old ones here. I'm only 23. You two are the senior citizens." Isabel says with pride.

"Isabel, we're only 24." Farlan says and she huffs.

"Just let me have my fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isabel development...? I love her so much, I'm sorry.


	9. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, new chapter! I don't really have much to say other than I really love sexually frustrated Eren and Levi>:D I hope ya'll enjoy the chapter!

Isabel was a mess. She'd be super happy one day and wouldn't even talk other. It had been about a week since it happened and Levi and I always ended up hanging out together. I started finding myself around Levi a lot. Not really on purpose, it just happened. Him, Isabel, and Farlan also became part of our group rather quickly. It was obvious Levi was still uncomfortable, but he was always watching out for Isabel.

He's extremely protective of her and I'm not really sure why. The part that was starting to make me nervous is that he seemed to gravitating towards me. He would leave Isabel and Farlan to their couple antics and would sit with me in groups most of the time. Not that this made me uncomfortable, not at all. And that was the problem. I was too comfortable with him.

I think then was proof of that as he sat on top of the bar counter with his notebook in his lap. I swear he carried that thing everywhere. I was leaning on the counter next to him trying to peak, but he kept it just out of vision. "Are you ever gonna tell me what's in that?" I asked and he kept writing.

"Maybe someday. Just not anytime in the near future." He said and I groaned.

"Jerk."

"Brat."

And that was practically half of our friendship. The other half was him staring at my ass while I made coffee. He's never good at hiding it. There were little things I started noticing about Levi, like his emotion was shown in his eyes and the corners of his mouth. Like right now, as he talks about Isabel with bright eyes.

"She's having a good day today. She woke up and made Kenny, Farlan, and I breakfast. Far and I have had to force her out of bed the last few days, so I think it's progress. Farlan is really worried about her. He's picked flowers from a patch outside our house everyday, the cheesy shit." He said and I couldn't help but smile at it. She had seemed very happy during art today, almost excited.

"You really love 'em, don't you?" I asked as I started to clean up their stuff as he wrote.

"Yeah. They're both great and have been through too much. I'm just happy I can be there for them." He said and I looked to him.

"You sound like that country singer... what's his name... Oh, Ackerman!" I said and he stiffened and shut his notebook to put in his backpack.

"No I don't," he snapped and I put my hands up defensively.

"Okay, you don't. Sorry I said it," I said and he sighed.

"Sorry. It's just been a weird day." He said and I walk in front of him and put my elbows on the counter.

"Everything okay?" I asked worriedly and he looked up at me.

"It's those hockey guys. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if they know I'm gay, but they're getting really fucking annoying," he said.

"I'm sorry. They're really assholes." I said and he let out a dry laugh.

"The funny thing is that I think one of them is bi," he said and my eyebrows shoot up.

"Really? Which..." The door chimed interrupting me and said drunken hockey team walks in as if on cue and Levi tensed.

"Hey there, City Boy," Michael Fucking Johns came up and slapped Levi's shoulder. Levi remained deadly calm as got up and punched him in the face, making him fall easily due to his level of intoxication.

He was about to kick the guy when I reached over the counter and grabbed his arm. His incredibly muscular arm. _Fuck, not the time for this._

"Come with me," I said and pulled him to the edge of the counter. He followed me to the kitchen and tapped his foot impatiently.

"Why are you stopping me from breaking his dick?" He said and I had to hold back a chuckle at visual of the small man kicking the boy in the balls.

"Trust me," I said and pulled my order book out of my apron. I walked up to them and rolled my eyes as they hooted as I walk over.

"Fucking midget in the back room?" One of them asked and I glared at him.

"You wish, you horny asshole." I said and all of his friends 'oh'ed at the comeback. "So, what do I owe the displeasure," I said and Michael spoke up.

"Coneys for the team, on me," the leader of the asses said and I counted off eighteen of them.

"Okay, thirty six coneys, comin' right up," I said and walked to the kitchen.

"For a homophobic town, they're rather quick to call you gay," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"You're new here. That was an insult to both of us. It's stupid, they're stupid, it works," I said as I got the chili out. I poured it into a pot, then I went to Armin's shelf and got his fiber.

"Um, why do you have fiber powder in the kitchen?" Levi asked.

"Armin has brittle bones, so he has to eat a lot of dairy. I think you can put two and two together." I said.

"Well that's a shitty situation," he deadpanned and I busted up laughing.

"Oh wow, that's a knee slapper," I said and Levi looked down, but I swore I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. I opened the fiber and dumped a good portion into the chili.

"And how is this not illegal?" He asked as I stirred.

"It is, but so is assault," I said and started to make the hotdogs. When it was all done, I got my tray and put all the plates on. I go out to them to find only seventeen asswipes.

"Cody left, so we only need thirty four," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"It already out here, you're paying for it," I said as I put the plates down. I leave one of them on the tray and turn to leave, but I tripped over someone's leg and fell down. I smashed into the plastic plate and the fiber chili spreads all over me.

I got up and picked the hotdog off my shirt as the hockey dicks howled with laughter before walking back into the kitchen, burning with barely contained rage. I put the tray down and ignored Levi's stare as I walked back out there, taking off my apron and my shirt as I go to the bathroom.

I stuck the shirt in the sink and used some hand soap to wash it. That is my favorite flannel too. I frowned at the possible loss of my shirt as the door opened. "Hey, sorry about that," a tall boy who was sweating a lot said as he walked in with his shorter blonde friend.

"Whatever," I said as I continued to scrub.

"No really, they're assholes, but we kind of have to stick together as a team." The shorter one said and I cringed as I thought of Isabel.

"Out." I say and they hesitate before leaving. Levi walked in as they walked out and I turned to him to see his eyes widen partially.

"Um, I just wanted to check out... I mean, on you, I mean, check up on you." He said and I was surprised to see the composed man so flustered.

"I'm fine, thanks." I said and turned back to the sink, hiding my blush at the fact that Levi is blatantly staring. _Nothing to see here. Just in the middle of the bathroom without a shirt._

He came over and grabbed the apron from over my shoulder, finger lingering and leaving my skin burning, and went to the sink next to me.

He started washing and I turned to him with a questioning look while trying to control my heartbeat while his gaze was at my chest. He looked up to me and down at the apron as he answered. "You're kind of doing my dirty work. It's the least I can do." He said as he cleaned the apron.

"No, this isn't just for you," I said before going back to work on my flannel. He looks like he wants to question it, but thankfully, just washes the apron. Pretty soon, I have my apron on as my shirt dries and we're walking out as one of the players runs in. "Run," I whisper to Levi and we quickly get out, him going to his stool and me going behind the counter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Not too long after the team left, somehow keeping the bathroom decently clean, Hannes came for the later shift. "Hey Eren. Hey... I've never seen you before," he says and walks behind the counter, next to me.

"Hannes, this is my friend, Levi. Levi, this is my Hannes." I said and Hannes ruffles my hair.

"Cheeky little boy. It's nice to meet you, Levi." He said and extended his hand to Levi, who took it in a firm shake.

"You too, Sir," he said and Hannes laughed.

"Call me Hannes. Lord knows everyone else does." He said and Levi smiled. _Wait, what?_ I gapped openly at him until the smile dropped and he looked at me.

"What?" He said sharply, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"You smiled. I saw that." I said and he turned away and turned pink.

"Um, Eren?" Hannes asked and I turned to him to see his wide eyes as he looks me down. _Oh right. My shirt._

"I got tripped and chili on my shirt." I said and he nodded with confusion. He looked to Levi and then back to me.

"Okay then." He said and walked to his office. It's not even ten minutes later when my phone vibrates as I put my shirt back on. It was a text from Hannes.

From Hannes- I like this one. He's cute and polite.

I choked on my spit.

Levi looks up at me with confusion as I compose myself. "You okay there?" Levi asked as I glare in the direction of Hannes' office. I'll have to talk to him later.

"Just peachy." I say and turn to a very uneasy Levi.

"Okay. If you say so." He says and starts to walk in the direction of his car.

"Hey, actually, are you free right now?" I asked and he's head darted to look at me.

"Um... yeah. Why?" He asked.

"Because, I'm meeting up with everyone and we're celebrating for Armin finally askin' Mikasa out. You, Farlan, and Isabel should come." I said and Levi visibly faltered.

"Oh, sounds fun." He said and I was confused, but I decided it leave it as that.

"I can drive you if you want. Saves some gas," I said and he nodded.

"That sounds nice," he said and walked towards my car. I opened the door for him and he shot me a surprised look. "What a gentleman," he said and I realized how weird this probably looks. The blood rushed to my face as I went to the driver's side and climbed in. _I'm such an idiot._

I started up the car and turned to the northern part of Trost. Jean lived in the nicer part of Trost, his dad being a doctor and mom a nurse. They both worked long shift so Jean was home alone a lot, which was fine by him. His family didn't "approve" of him being gay.

We got there pretty quickly, Levi calling Isabel and Farlan on the way. I got out of the car and ran to the other side to open it for Levi again. I wasn't sure why I did it until I saw the shy smile and a blush on his face. "Um, thanks," he said and got out of the car. _Holy shit, that's adorable._

As I turn to walk to Jean's backyard, I notice Levi hesitate. "Everything okay?" I asked and he looked down.

"Um... is this a drinking thing?" He asked almost... nervously.

"Yeah, but you don't have to drink," I said and he shook his head.

"It's not that I don't drink, it's just that... um... imalightweight." He murmured quickly.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I said and he sighed.

"I'm a light weight." He said, just loudly enough for me to hear him. And me being the stupid person I am, I laughed.

"Shut up." He said and started walking away, but I grabbed his arm.

"No, it's fine, I just didn't take City Boy for a light weight, that's all." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Like you're much better." He said and took a step closer to me.

"Hey, I happen to have a high alcohol tolerance." I said and took a step forward defiantly and he smirked in a way that made my stomach flip.

"Prove it." He said and I realized how awkwardly close we were standing, me still holding his arm. I looked to see him biting his lower lip and staring at mine. _God_ how _does he go from being so cute to so hot?_

I took a step back before I was tempted to lean down and... _let's just not. Bad idea._ I let go of his arm and walked to the backyard where the bonfire had started. This is why I loved Friday nights. This is generally what happened, plus some swimming. Jean lived right on the ocean but still had a nice yard where we have out bonfires.

Connie looked up and saw us, the got up to bro hug us. "Hey guys," he said as we clasped hands and bumped together. He did the same to Levi and I had to hold back a laugh at how weird Levi looked while doing it. He really is an awkward person.

Connie didn't seem to notice as he turned to him. "Your poem worked. They've been acting all lovey dovey all night and it's kind of gross." Connie said and I laughed.

"Fucking finally." I said and he nodded in agreement as Levi stood there and looked off at the ocean. He had an almost reminiscent look in his eye as he took in the water. Connie started walking away, so I tapped Levi's arm to bring him out of his daze. I gestured my head to the bonfire and he nodded.

I got over there and sat by Sasha on the ground. "Hey Sash," I said and she hugged me sideways in the most comfortable way she could.

"Hey Eren!" She smiled and picked up a paper plate with s'mores on them. "Watch what I figured out," she said and set the plate on her stomach.

I should probably mention that Sasha got pregnant with Connie in high school. She was probably about six months at this point. She tested for her GED, so she graduated early after she found out. She handled it very well, actually. She was going to culinary school after her baby was old enough to be left with Sasha's mom for a few hours. Plus she was loving the whole eating for two thing. She's always been crazy about food.

"Good, because I'm taking one of those." I said and picked up a s'more. She chucked and wrapped an arm around me.

"You're adorable, Eren. You need to be gettin' yourself a girlfriend." She said and I rolled my eye.

"You know, drinking isn't good for the baby." I said and she smiles.

"I've been good, only water for me." She said and I match her smile.

"Good girl." I said and patted her head. She grinned and picked up her own s'more. Isabel snuck up behind me and wrapped her arms around my neck, but I wasn't surprised due to her loud footsteps.

"Hey Eren!" She said and sat down beside me.

"Hey Isabel," I said, mouth full of s'more and she laughed. Farlan sat next to her and waved to me before Jean came out of his house with some solo cups and a bottle of whiskey.

"Eww, when did Jaeger get here?" He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Eat hay, Horseface." I said and he scowled and turned to Levi, who was sitting next to Historia.

"See what you did?" He said and Levi rolled his eyes before turning back to his conversation. Jean sat back down next to Marco, who kissed his cheek to calm him down.

I got up and took a red solo cup from the table and filled it with a bit of whiskey and some ice. It's better that way, watered down rather than in a shot. I made a second before sitting back down and handing one to Isabel. "No thank you." She said and Farlan looked confused.

"You're normally the first to the bottle." He said and she shrugged. I eyed her skeptically and handed Farlan the cup. _She's acting weird. She has been all day actually._ I took sip of my cup, feeling the burn it leaves as it went down my throat. I needed to talk to her as soon as possible.

I looked to the beach to see Mikasa and Armin sitting down there. Armin had his arm around her and she had a soft smile as she looked up at him. God, I was so happy for them. I felt a weight suddenly press on my chest, causing me to fall back and looked up to see a crazy brunet.

"Eren! I didn't know you were here yet!" She said as she straddled my waist. I smiled up to her, used to her antics by now, and looked over to a terrified Farlan and Isabel, sitting on the ground stiffly. I sat up and Hanji stayed in my lap as I turned to them.

"I don't know if you've met Hanji or not, but this is normal for her," I said to them and Hanji pouted.

"I'm right here, Eren," she said and I tapped her nose.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing," I said and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"You're so cute. Erwin, isn't he the cutest thing?" She said and leaned her head back to see Erwin standing above us.

"Yes, I know, Eren's 'so cute'." He said annoyedly and I smiled sheepishly up to him.

"Sorry," I said as Hanji climbed off of me and hugged her boyfriend.

"Don't worry, you're cute too." She says and kisses his cheek. He smiled a small smile that I could tell he tried and failed to hold back. _God, why are all my friends so cute in their relationships?_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I found myself down with Mikasa and Armin at the beach. I know it was a big moment for them, but it was for me too. I'd always thought they were gonna end up together and Armin would officially be my brother. It's like this actually made us tighter.

I laid down next to Armin and we watched as the sun set. They were cuddling and I was awkwardly third wheeling, but I always expected that. I never really saw anyone else in the picture, just us. I guess it'd be cool if Levi... _no. I'm stopping that train of thought. That's a little too dangerous._

I must've been making some kind of face because Armin turns to me with a concerned one. "You okay?" He asked and I nodded immediately.

He turned to Mikasa and whispered something to her and she got up. "I'll be right back," she said and Armin turned to me.

"Is it about Mikasa and I?" He asked and I shook my head.

"God no, I'm so happy about this, you don't even know." I said and he blushed, but didn't smile.

"Is this about Levi?" He asked and I sent his a confused look and he rolled his eyes. "I saw you guys come in together." He said and it was my turn to blush. I needed to change the subject.

"Did you tell Hannes that I'm gay?" I whispered and he shook his head.

"No, why?" He asked and I pulled out my phone and showed it to him and he laughed.

"Oh my god. That's great." He said and I kicked his shin.

"Ow! That not nice. And this is still funny. Who was he talking about?" He asked and just in time to help me avoid that question, Isabel tapped my arm and I turned to her to see her biting her lip shyly.

"Can I talk to you?" She said and I nodded. She got up and I followed after her just a bit further from everyone else. She turned to me with a big smile and moved up and down on her toes. "I'm pregnant." She said and my jaw dropped.

"What?" I said and she squeaked.

"I have a baby in here," she whisper shouted and pointed to her stomach. I looked up to her to see her uncontainable happiness. She really wanted this baby.

I smiled and hugged her. "I'm happy if you're happy." I said and she smiled, but it faltered barely.

"I don't know how to tell Farlan and Levi." She said and nodded.

"You have to tell them soon." I said and she nodded.

"I know, but please don't tell them." She said and I nodded. Her smile came back in full fury and I couldn't help but match it.

She was really happy. That was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sort of have a headcanon that everyone finds Eren attractive but like him more as a friend. Sue me.


	10. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been taking so long to update. I need to write just a bit more of the next past chapter then I have some prewritten stuff, so I'll update quicker. I promise these are gonna get longer. I just really struggle with the present arc. So here you go! Enjoy!

I stayed at Hanji and Erwin's house after the apartment searching. That didn't go anywhere as well as I expected. I called them and told the I'm was coming over to get away from the love birds and Hanji started screaming at me. In a good way. The Hanji way. They got out whiskey and obviously now we're all drunk.

I'm laying on hanji, who is leaning on Erwin. "I can't believe how old we are," Hanji says and I roll my eyes.

"I refuse to believe I'm that old. I'm single and teenaged girls ask me to prom over Twitter." I say and she cackles.

"Wait, you seriously get asked to prom still?" Erwin asks and I nod.

"One time I got asked by some fucking disney star that's still in high school." I say and he laughs that time and so do I.

"I got asked to prom by that girl named Hitch when I was a freshman in college. Yeah, needless to say, she went alone." Erwin says and I laugh.

"I remember her! I hated her! Like, a lot. But she was cute in a weird kind of way." I say and they both nod in agreement.

"She needed braces." Hanji says and I let out a chuckle.

"Of course you would notice. You're practically part of the Smith family already." I say and they both blush. _Wow, that's cute._ They still blush in unison. Erwin is part of his family dentistry. His dad has wanted him to do it since he was a kid. It's a generational thing, his grandpa opened the place.

"Shut up, Levi!" She giggles to me and I laugh. I really missed them. I make it a point to see Erwin and Hanji at least once a year, but it's been awhile. They're still two of my best friends, despite the distance.

"Oh, speaking of assholes, what's Michael up to?" I ask and they both cringe.

"He's a hockey coach, asshole, and alcoholic," Erwin says and I sigh.

"Hasn't ended up in jail yet?" I ask and Hanji shakes her head. "Damn it. Oh well. That just means I can slash his tires." I say with a grin and they both cackle at that. Because they know damn well I will.

I twirl a lock of Hanji Hair in my finger as we continue to talk about everything under the moon. God, I missed them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I think one of the hardest things about songwriting is that I don't know where to start. It's like, inspiration needs to come, and even if you have it, it has to sound good. Like a line or a phrase, but I have nothing right now. My mind is fogged and not in a good way. Maybe it's the hangover, but I feel the need to leave the house.

I go downstairs and see Isabel on the couch with a paper, Farlan next to her on a computer, and Eren Jr. on the ground, laying in front of a coloring book. "Either of you wanna go do something? I'm feel like a sweet tea right now." I say and Isabel smiles when Eren tilts his head in confusion.

"What's a sweet tea?" He asks and I walk over and crouch next to him.

"It's like iced tea with enough sugar for a sugar rush, so maybe we could go to the park after." I say and he sits up and smiles.

"Yay! Park!" He says and Isabel smiles and stands up.

"I'm game." She says and I shake my head.

"No caffeine. You can get an iced tea or something." I say and she pouts, but gets her flip flops.

"I'm about to close up with a client, but I'll meet you guys for dinner. I'll bring Kenny too." He says with a smile and I nod. I look to Isabel to see her helping Eren into his sandals. She looks cute in a blue, strapless dress. I think she had that in high school too. Good for her.

Eren Jr. sits as Isabel puts on his velcro sandals while I put on my converse. I don't own a lot of summer clothes, sue me. We get in my car and go to the park by the pier. We can't get too close or else Eren will go crazy, so we go on the beach. I walk up to the sweet tea trailer and am surprised by who I see.

"Hey Levi, hey Isabel!" A little, annoying voice says.

"Well if it isn't Hitch the Bitch." I say and Little Eren gasps.

"Hey Hitch," Isabel say shyly, not really wanting to talk. To say the least, Hitch and I really didn't get along in high school.

"Can I get a sweet tea with lemonade, a small sweet tea..." I look to Isabel to see what she wants.

"Water and a Lemon Pop." She says and I smile.

"Water and a Lemon pop." I repeat to Hitch and she nods. I pay for it and she hands Isabel and Eren Jr. their stuff and Eren runs off, making Isabel follow as I wait for my sweet tea. Great.

"So, heard you came back for faggot." She says and I try not to rip her head off.

"I heard you're still bitter and lonely." I say and she laughs.

"You haven't changed a bit." She says as if she actually took the time to know me. I take my tea from her with a nod and leave. Bitch. I walk over to Eren Jr. and Isabel to see them both in the swings, one left open.

"Well, I guess that's mine." I say and Isabel laughs.

"Remember that one night the three of us camped out here." She asks, referring to the night after shit hit the fan with her and her first baby.

"Yeah, you were so happy and you and Farlan skinny dipped when you thought I was asleep." I say and she shrieks.

"How did you..."

"You two were loud." I say and she buries her head in her hands.

"Oh my god." She says and Eren Jr. taps her shoulder.

"Mommy, are you okay?" He says and I laugh.

"Your mommy is getting a taste of her own medicine." I say and she groans again while I just laugh at her.


	11. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is more of a development into Eren being a geek. That's literally the chapter since the next past one is already written and I'm probably gonna binge post tonight. I hope y'all are happy! Enjoy:)

"So you told Farlan?" Isabel and I were in art class doing a water painting project, her painting me again and me painting the ocean.

"Yeah. He's being really nice about it, even though it's not his and all." She said with a shy smile.

"I wouldn't expect Farlan to make a big deal of it." I said and she nodded.

"He's a good guy. Sometimes too serious and sometimes too goofy, but it's what makes him so lovable." She said and I couldn't help but smile with her.

"So what about you? You have anyone special in your life?" She asked and it scared me how fast my mind went to Levi. Why? I didn't know. Sure, I was attracted to him, but it's obviously just a shallow attraction. Yup. I mean, he is hot.

"No, I don't." I said and she dipped her paint in red.

"Well, I have three more places to put red now." She said and put it on my earlobes and across my cheeks and nose. _That doesn't make sense. I'm not lying._

"Who's the boy?" She said and I felt my eyes widen.

"How did you know?" I said in a whisper, looking around to make sure no one heard and she laughed.

"Levi told me. You two seem to be pretty close." She said and I looked down nervously. "Oh... I got you." She said with a shit-eating grin and I'm sure my blush got worse.

"I honestly don't like anyone, Isabel. I just want to graduate." I said and I was being honest. I worked damn hard to skip a grade and there I was, freshly 17, and a senior in high school. It worked well since I was friends with all people older than me thanks to Mikasa and Armin. Since they're both a year older than me and I just fit in with them, I became friends with their friends. 

I'm not even smart if I'm being honest, I'm just good at English and doubled on math classes my sophomore year. Since you basically relearn the same grammar every year, they told me to read the books and test out of it. I was only planning on going to community college, so I really just wanted to get out of high school. I had hardcore senioritis and I just wasn't feeling like doing anything.

"Sure, Eren." She said, drawing out the 'r'. She picked up both our paints since class was ending soon and I moved both out canvases to the drying rack. We had a system worked out at this point. I waited for her and walk her to her locker before heading to mine.

I had precalc and it was a trigonometry review. Again. I took geometry and algebra two last year, so naturally, I was _so_ done with trig. I sat in class next to Jean, who started copying my work. "Holy shit, Horseface, trott the fuck off." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"You're actually good at this shit, so therefore, I'm reading your homework." He said and I rolled my eyes.

"Might as well. The teacher has given up on you at this point." I said and he looked like he was gonna protest before smiling uncaringly and shrugging. I rolled my eyes and got back to work. Damn Horseface.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Most of my day was like this until my last class of the day, English. I had it with Armin, Marco, and Levi and we literally did nothing. Like, we hot assigned reading or a project and "worked on our homework". Yeah, that's funny.

I laid my head on Armin's lap as we read Much Ado About Nothing in the corner with the pillows. I was reading Benedick's monologue which seemed to apply to my entire life being single with pretty much all taken friends.

"I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man is Claudio."

I raise my arms to to Armin's face as I dramatically continued.

"I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake, carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes."

I leaned over Armin's lap and grabbed Marco's arm.

"May I be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it please God." I finished and there was a mixture of claps and laughs among the class. I flopped down, my back in Armin's lap by then as he leaned over me and laughed.

"Oh my god, and I thought I was a nerd." He said, then snorted, proving his point as a nerd.

"I like Shakespeare. Sue me." I said and turned my head into Marco's leg. All three boys with me chuckled and I looked up to Levi to see his smirk as he chuckled.

"I'm with Armin. You're a geek, Bright Eyes." He said and my head took its place back by Marco and I reached up and stroked his face, my face remaining hidden.

"Freckled Angel, I need your support." I said and he laughed.

"I can't help you here. You're a teenaged boy who likes Shakespeare. That's just odd." He said and I started blushing in my hiding spot.

"Well this just got awkward." I said and they laughed again. Yeah. I'm a nerd.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Okay ladies! You this is our first divisional game! This sets the tone for the whole season so don't fuck it up." That's one of the classic Shadis Pep Talks.

We were starting on defense, so I moved to my spot and squatted. I pretty much had to squat for half of the game because of this position. So, I squatted as Armin pitched.

One strike. Two. Three... and they're out and I can already tell this game is gonna be super boring. The problem with baseball is that it's way more fun in practice than at games. I think it's because I don't like staying still. Armin made a face after the second out that told be he knew this was an easy win too. Speculations confirmed at the third out in three hitters.

I ran to the dugout and quickly changed out of my catchers gear and into my batting stuff. Marco was first at bat and hit it to the right outfield. He's crazy fast, so he was able to make it to second on a slide. Pretty much, by the end of the game, we mercied them 45-0.


	12. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the idea that Levi and Historia are friends, even if people think they're not. I kind of think that Levi does respect her in canonverse. If you want to know my reasoning, comment me because I don't wanna write manga spoilers up here. Anyway, enjoy part 2 of the day.

"I already came out, there's no going back in," I say into the phone. It's been about two weeks since I took a business call and I'm already regretting it as I walk downtown.

 _"Levi, seriously, half of your fan base was teenaged girls."_ Rico says.

"And I'll only lose like a third of them," I say, not really caring at this point.

 _"Why don't you care about this? I thought you wanted this,"_ she says into the phone and I sigh.

"I want fans who like my music, I don't give a shit what they think about me," I say and hang up the phone.

"You're starting to sound like your old self again," a small voice says and I look behind me to see Historia in front of a store called "Krista's Boutique".

"I guess I'm tired of not being myself," I say.

"I'm glad. Why don't you come in?" She says and gestures to the shop. I nod and follow her in. The place is swimming with teenaged girl with rack upon rack of dresses.

"Prom season," she says as we walk to the register. A few girls pull out their phones and take pictures as I walk by and I can't help but laugh a little. _And Rico thought I'd have a problem with fans._

I lean against the counter as Historia goes behind it. She's wearing a floral sundress and a white apron over it with a name tag saying her name and position. "You're the manager of this place?" I ask and she smiles.

"I'm actually the owner," she says and looks up at her store.

"Not bad, kid," I say and she giggles.

"You should look around, we have a pretty nice guys section," she says and I look over. She has everything from shitty tank tops to tuxes, neatly organized and color coordinated.

I hum in approval and she giggles again. She's too cute, I swear. "You know, with the wedding coming up, it might not be a bad idea to look around." She says as I look at the store and nod.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need help with that. Isabel normally picks out anything nice I have to wear." I say and turn to her.

"So no fancy wardrobe person?" She asks with a cheeky grin and I roll my eyes.

"That's stupid, plus I hate the idea of being naked in front of someone I don't know. That made photo shoots a nightmare. Plus the changing rooms are always filthy." I say with disgust and she smiles.

"Same old Levi," she says and I hear the shutter of a camera. I turn around to see a group of teenaged girls taking pictures of me. _Fuck, I really don't need this._

I turn back to Historia to see her smiling for the cameras. "Great, encourage them." I say and she laughs.

"If it means I get more business, then I don't really care," she says and walks in front of the counter next to me. I laugh a little at the fact she's using me for business because that's honestly clever as fuck. I can't even find it in me to be mad, just amused as she slips an arm around me.

I return the gesture and smile a half-assed smirk until they seem to get their fill of pictures of us and ask to take selfies with me. "God no. No selfies. How about you girls get your prom dresses?" I say and turn away. I know they'll probably take some behind my back anyway, but that doesn't mean I have to cooperate.

Historia takes her place back behind the counter and smiles sheepishly. "Sorry, but I bet they're all going to buy dresses now." She says and I give a small smile.

"I see how it is," I tease and she rolls her eyes.

"I'll help you pick out what to wear for the wedding. And some shorts. How are you not dying?" She asks and I look down at my grey skinny jeans and fitted black Foo Fighters t-shirt.

"Eh, it's not that bad," I say and she rolls her eyes.

"Come on, you're trying on shorts." She says as she goes from behind the counter to a shelf of shorts.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I bring Historia to Kenny's house to bring the clothes back before going apartment searching. My hunt with Farlan and Isabel was... less than satisfactory. Call me snobby, but I don't want an apartment with orange carpet and molding walls. Sorry.

We go up to my room from my year here and she sifts through the clothing. "Historia..."

"Shh! I'm helping you here." She says as she looks in my closet. "Okay, this has to go," she says and pulls out an old black hoodie with a drawstring on its waist.

"That's not that bad," I say and she turn to me with a smirk.

"I'm sorry, I thought you were a guy," she says and I throw a pillow at her as I sit on the bed. "No... no... no... shit Levi, how have you gotten this far without me?" She says as she pulls out random clothes.

"God, I can only wonder," I say sarcastically.

"You seriously have one of these? I thought you hated these." She says as she pulls out a black and white flannel.

"No, I'm keeping that," I say quickly and she eyes me suspiciously.

"Is this really yours?" She asks and I look away before she sees the blush make its way onto my face.

"Oh my god, that's so cute." She says and sets it on the bed.

"I didn't say anything." I say, still hiding my flushes cheeks and laughs.

"Levi, I don't know if you think you're still all secretive and mysterious, but you're obvious when it comes to Eren." She says and my head snaps to her.

"Am I really?"

"Haven't you wondered why I wasn't mad at you when you came back? I wasn't stupid enough to think you just gave up. Though I was pretty pissed you went back in the closet after we all came out," she says with a smile that I can't help but match.

"Okay, maybe it's Eren's. He left it here one night and I use it as a sleep shirt. Tell anyone and I'll kill you in ways currently unknown to the earth." I say and she giggles, furthering my blush.

"That's the cutest thing I've ever heard. Like oh my god, I'm making you wear that now." She said and grabbed a pair of my new black shorts. She hands them to me and I roll my eyes.

"You just want to see me naked," I say and she laughs.

"I'm an engaged women now, Levi. I don't want to see you naked. Just shirtless." She says and I laugh.

"Of course." I say as I pull off my t-shirt.

"So, am I the only one who thinks it's odd that everybody ended up with their high school sweetheart? Is there something in the water?" I ask and a shit-eating grin spreads on her face.

"Oh yes, and you have a lot of water to drink." She says and I throw a second pillow at her.

"Thanks, cause I really fucking needed that," I snap and her smile turns from maniacal to sympathetic.

"You're gonna get him back." She says and I look down.

"I'm not sure if I believe that." I say as I button up my shirt.

"I have to ask though, what made you come back?" She asks and I know she's looking for a detailed answer.

"Have you ever had everything you wanted and realized it wasn't worth it?" I ask her and she looks down.

"I think we both know the answer to that," she says.

"How you felt about Ymir is how I feel about Eren. I knew that being famous wasn't worth it if I didn't have him." I say and she sits down on the bed as I finish rolling up my sleeves.

"When did you know he was that important to you?" She says and I think back to that day.

"It was back in high school..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFF HANGER!!! But not really because I'm about to post that too. I've been so bad about posting I'm just adding a shit ton right now, so ya'll get 3 short chapters in all to move this along.


	13. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. This one is pretty sad. It's angst with a kind of happy ending. It's a lot of development for both Eren, Isabel, and Levi. So yeah. Btw... TRIGGERS: rape, miscarriage, suicide, death of mother, I think that's it. Plus Eren is super cynical, but idk. Anyway, last chapter of the day! Enjoy:)

I was working the night shift with Eld and Hannes when I got the call. It was a Tuesday and it was dead here, so I had been texting Armin anyway. I picked up the phone to hear Isabel crying on the other line.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked gently.

"I lost the baby." She said and I froze. I didn't want to hear what I was hearing.

"I don't know what to do! It was mine! It was the only good to come from this and now it's gone. I didn't even know if it was a boy or girl!" She cried into the phone.

"I'm so sorry Isabel," I said, not sure what else to do.

"I just don't know what to do! It was the only good I had! It just feels so pointless now," she said and I froze. I had heard similar words before. Words from my mother.

"Isabel, don't do it." I said and she wept as Hannes came out of his office to ask me with his eyes what was happening.

"I don't want to live anymore, Eren," she said and got up and grabbed my keys. I shot Hannes a pleading look and he nodded, so I sprinted to my car as I talked.

"You have so much to live for. Farlan loves you so much. So does Levi. So does everyone. You're like the sunshine in a room. Don't do it," I said as I pulled out of the driveway.

"I just don't know what to do. I just feel so lost." She said as I drove through the streets, looking out my windows for her.

"We can find a way. Get you some help. Someone who can help you see how great you are. Just tell me where you are and I'll help you." I said and I could hear traffic and breathing on the line.

"I'm by the freeway. I walked here." She said and I sped as fast as I could to where she was.

As soon as I got there, I got out of the car and grabbed her since she was still on the ledge. "Are you sure I can get help?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes. Yes. We can get you help. Don't ever think you don't have help." I said and she nodded. I pulled her to the car and buckled her in, getting in the other side. "Where do you live?" I asked and she froze.

"Shit. I can't go there. They can't know." She said as tears poured from her eyes and I felt myself mirroring that.

"I don't have a choice. It'll be okay. I'll make sure it's okay." I said and she looked to me rigidly, but nodded.

"I live down the road. About two miles down on the left." She said and I started to drive in that direction. She scooted closer to me so I put my arm around her. We got to the house and I got out before going to her side and pulling her out.

I practically carried her to the porch, where Farlan was already outside before we got there. "Eren? What happened?" He asked and I handed Isabel over to him and she just hugged his waist.

"She... um... called me from the freeway bridge." I said, not needing to say more as his eye widened.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" He said to Isabel and he was obviously hysterical if he thought that's a good question to ask. Levi came outside and eyed me questioningly as Farlan starts to cry.

He ushered them inside before coming back out. "What did she do?" He asked coldly, but his eyes said differently.

"She was gonna kill herself," I said, seeing no reason to sugarcoat it. His breath caught and he took a step backwards, shaking his head.

"I had no idea." He said quietly, mostly to himself. He started pacing the porch before I stepped in front of him and stopped him.

"Hey, it's okay." I said and I noticed that Levi was starting to cry too. The tears running down the stoic man's face broke my heart.

"I can't go in there, Eren. It'll be worse if she see's me like this," he said and I nodded.

"You can stay at my house," I said and he nodded. I walked to the truck, opening the door for him before rushing to the driver's side. I drove him to my house, which was only like three minutes away, and by the time we got there, he was silently weeping. I brought him upstairs, ignoring the concerned looks from Mikasa, and sat him on my bed.

"Why? Why did she do it?" He asked and gripped the front of my shirt. Now this part I wasn't to thrilled about talking about.

"She lost the baby," I said and his head snapped to me.

"I'm sorry, baby!?" He said and stared with wide eyes. Did Isabel...

"Did she not tell you?" I said and his gaze dropped.

"She's... was pregnant?" He said and my heart broke for the umpteenth time that night. _She really didn't tell him._ "I'm gonna kill him." He said and got up, but I grabbed his arm.

"No Levi, calm down," I said and he glared at me.

"Why the fuck should I calm down?" He asked angrily and I sure as hell didn't blame him, but I needed to get him to calm down.

"Levi, seriously, just breathe," I said and his glare turned deadly.

"Are you just gonna sit around while my sister tries to kill herself over some fucker?" He said accusingly and that was enough to piss me off.

"Excuse me? I'm trying not to go over to his house and kill him. Don't you get that? It'll solve nothing. If you would just calm the fuck down we could sit down and fix the matter at hand." I said and he walks up the me and pushes me, not really harshly, but enough to make me step back.

"You really want to do nothing? You're trying to solve an effect, not a problem."

"I'm trying to fix what's fixable"

"Do you even care about her? Do you even care that she just tried to kill herself? Do you even care she got raped? You're just a coward. You..." And that's when I slapped him. His anger faded from his eyes and he stared at me with wide eyes.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't give a shit about him because I only care about Isabel's wellbeing. He'll eventually find himself in jail, but what matters is making sure she never even thinks about doing this again. I get you're hurt, but don't take it out on me." I said and went to my window to climb out.

"Eren, what the hell are you doing?" He asked, rushing to the window in a panic as I got on my branch. I moved down the branches as quickly as I could. I don't care if I was being an asshole, I needed to get out of there. Levi called after me as I got down from the tree and started walking towards the field to my willow tree.

I got there and climbed as high as I could before slumping against the trunk and silently cried. It was all too familiar. It was all too much. She was just like my mother. I brought my knees up to my chest while my shoulders shook.

"Eren?" I heard Levi call up to me and I looked down to see him staring up with tear filled eyes that pain my heart. I climbed down a few branches as he started to climb. We meet halfway, or more closer to the ground since Levi sucks at climbing trees, and he sits next to me. "I'm sorry. I lashed out at you and I shouldn't have. It's just... a lot to process." He said looking down and I grabbed his hand, making his head dart to face me.

"It's okay. It's just that this isn't the first time I've seen this, so it kind of hurts." I said and his face turned into one of confusion and I looked down. "My mom killed herself after getting raped." I said, not meeting his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Eren," he said and laced our hands together.

"I'm just happy Isabel called me when she did," I said.

"Why didn't she tell me she was pregnant?" He asked, voice desperate and broken.

"I don't know. She was probably building up the courage to tell you." I said.

"When did she tell you?" He asked as he calmed himself down.

"A few days ago. She was actually happy about it." I said and his head snapped to me.

"How could she be happy about that? That's terrible," he said.

"Not really. When you've lived through something that awful, it's a rather beautiful outcome if you ask me." I said and his eyes widened. I don't know why, but that seemed to affect Levi quite a lot.

"Eren?" He asked quietly, just above a whisper.

"Hm?"

"What do you think about love?" His question took my by surprise. I looked at him for a bit just to see what he meant, but he didn't look up.

"I don't know what you mean," I said and his head moved up while his eyes went to the side, pointedly avoiding mine.

"I mean, do you think love is real? Everyone makes such a big deal of it, and I guess I don't know what it is." He said with a sad smile.

"I think it's real, I just don't believe in all that destiny bull shit. If you love someone and they love you, it's not picture perfect. There's no soulmate, no happily ever after. You have to work your ass off for a chance at it working and hope that maybe it's worth it." I said, turning towards the lake.

"Do you think it's worth it?" I didn't know how to answer. Is it worth it? There's so much power in love. The power to build you up or break you down. You can have someone to always go to. You can be someone's and have them be yours. You can fall in love. But then you can get hurt. Or they can get hurt.

I think to Thomas. Would it have been better just to not have loved him? They say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, but is that true? I turned to Levi and answered as honestly as I could.

"I don't know, but I'd rather play it safe than get my heart broken." I said and he nodded.

"I get that." He said and he leaned his head on my shoulder. _Holy shit, he's on my shoulder, I can't breathe._ I lean my head on his as calmly as I can, hoping I'm not overstepping any boundaries. I mean, I'm just being a supportive friend.

_But why the hell did he bring up love?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That may have been confusing, so feel free to ask what just happened. As long as it's not too much of a spoiler. Thank you guys for putting up with my binge post:)


	14. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! So, I decided on how to work this out. The present pars are gonna be alot shorter than the past parts for now on. That just means I'm adding more to the past chapters than before. So it's a good thing, don't worry. But sorry that this chapter is a bit short.
> 
> So, I decided to do a little recap in this chapter. I feel like I messed up on explaining something and I don't know where, so you get a review at the beginning. Plus some Farlan since I feel like I've made him a stick in the mud in this arc. But he's a sweetheart! Anyway, enjoy!

"I don't get it." Historia says as she lays down next to me, heads next to each other, but bodies opposite of each other. "You fell in love after you found out you sister was pregnant then had a miscarriage?" She asks and I laugh.

"Well, when you put it that way, I sound even shittier than normal." I say and she smiles sheepishly.

"Sorry, it's just sounds weird to me. Plus, I didn't even know that she was pregnant then." She says and I smile sadly.

"Yeah. It was Michael Johns. Farlan took her to the doctor's when she was having her miscarriage. The baby was too young to be Farlan's, but she loved it no matter what." I say and she nods.

"So, how did Eren make you fall in love then?" She asks and my smile turns from sad to reminiscent.

"It was just how good he was. I don't mean to sound like a cry baby, but my past isn't the prettiest. It just took me seeing how truly, honestly good he was and I was in love." I say and she giggles.

"It's sweet to see you talk about him. You kind of light up." She says and I blush darkly. I swear, I blush more than Eren when I talk about... Eren. It's incredibly annoying and I can't help but internally yell at myself.

Historia giggles, bringing me out of my self-scolding. "So, why did you break up with him?" She asks, suddenly serious, and I get up.

"I'll tell you on the way to the open house. We're already running late."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

This place was perfect. It was a small, two bedroom apartment, with two bathrooms and thank the lord because there's no fucking way I'm sharing a bathroom with Hanji.

She already told me she's crashing at my place two weeks before the wedding, which I really didn't mind as long as she actually kept clean. Believe it or not, despite everything, I'm the best man.

Technically speaking, I should probably have Erwin here, but hey, Hanji is like a sister to me, she won't mind if I come home two days before the wedding drunk. As long as it's not the day before the wedding. I expect some kind of nuclear explosion that day.

So Historia and I are walking through the kitchen of the place and I absolutely love it. It has wooden counter tops, which aren't exactly fancy, but give it a homey feel, and it does around the kitchen. It's all stainless steal, minus the white fridge.

The whole house is this warm goldish, yellow color and it makes it feel very homey. There are two tan couches which are actually rather ugly, but I can't bring myself to care since it is the coziest thing I've ever sat in. I'll buy a couch cover or something. Next to the couches are huge windows, showing the beach.

I look to Historia who's a bit in awestruck by the view. It really has a great look on the ocean. She turns to me and nods, not needing to say more. Like I said, it's perfect.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I bought the place and started move in two days later. I really didn't have that much to move, always being on the road and all. So here I am, organizing my stuff with Farlan. "So, where are you putting shirts?" He asks as he helps unpack my suitcase.

"Sleep and running shirts are in the third drawer, regular shirts are hung up." I say as I make my bed. I'm lucky this place came with comforters despite the fact that I had to wash them about ten times. And I'm not kidding when I say ten times. I put the red cover down and tuck it in under the mattress.

"So, how's the house search?" I ask Farlan and he smiles.

"It's good. We found two pretty good ones. Isabel loves them both, but I really hate one of them." He says and I turn to him.

"It can't be that bad, can it?"

"It's purple."

"Oh shit." I say and he nods, seeing he had proven his point. "Well, good luck with that. Wr both know how she gets when she's determined." I say as I pick up some pillows and start to put covers on them.

"Hey, Levi?" He says after awhile and I turn to him to see him nervously biting his lip. "So, you know how Isabel gets when she's pregnant? Well, I wanted to do something special for her and I need your help." He says and I nod and pat a spot in the bed for him to sit and I sit next to him, cross legged and facing him.

"What do you have in mind?" I ask and he smiles.

"I want to renew our vows. You know how insecure she gets and I just want to show her that I'm not leaving her." He says and I nod.

Isabel gets almost nervous when she's pregnant. Ever since her miscarriage, she's scared that she'll lose the baby. Plus, ever since the rape itself, she's never felt like she was enough for Farlan, which couldn't be more far from true.

"That's a great idea," I say and he smiles before turning serious.

"I just don't know how to do it. Like, where do we go or how does it fully work? Can we even do it since we're so young?" He says and I put a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave that all to me. I can plan it, but your probably shouldn't make it too big." I say and he smiles and nods.

"I really just want our friends from high school." He says.

"That works. How soon do you want it?" I ask and he looks up in thought.

"I want to do it before Hanji and Erwin's wedding, but I want to take her on a trip, so probably soon." He says and I smirk.

"I hope you know you can't fool around if she's pregnant." I say and he laughs.

"Funny." He says and gets up, move back to my suitcase.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

To be honest, I was happy to have something to keep my mind off things. So pretty much the next day, I had a pretty good plan of what to do. We use the field behind Kenny's house, keep the list short, get flowers, order a cake, and the rest was pretty easy.

There was the matter of catering, and so naturally, I think of a small diner on the outskirts of town. I pick up my phone and dial the number. My heart is pounding as I hear it ring, then the ringing stops and all I can hear is my heartbeat.

"Hello?" A voice that I could never forget says and I think of how to go about this. _If I just start talking, he'll hang up. If I tell him who it is, he'll do the same._

I guess I take to long too answer, because I hear an annoyed sigh. "I swear to god, if you prank call me one more time, so god help me, I will..."

"Please don't hang up." I say and there's a pause. I know he heard me, but he hasn't hung up yet.

"What do you want?" He asks and I'm somehow relieved at that.

"I need help with catering." I say and he sighs for a reason I don't know.

"Okay, I can help with that. Hanji already ordered for the wedding, though." He says, sounding business like and I can hear the ruffle of paper over the phone.

"This isn't for that. Isabel and Farlan are renewing their vows." I say.

"That's great. Isabel seems stressed lately, so that might help." He says and I can hear the smile on his voice as he talks about my sister.

"Yeah. Did you hear about the baby?" I say before I can stop myself.

"Yeah, she told me yesterday. Does she even know about this yet?" He asks.

"No, it's a surprise. Farlan just got a big work deal so he wanted to do something special." I say and he hums before clearing his throat.

"Um... so, what's the order?" He says, as if realizing he did something wrong.

"Something not too fancy, but nicer than hotdogs." I say.

"Kay, how about pasta?" He asks  almost absent mindedly as I hear scratching of pen and paper.

"I think that works. I should double check with Farlan, but I think it'll work." I say.

"Yeah, why isn't he ordering?" Eren asks.

"I'm planning it for him." I say and I can tell he answers without thinking.

"Wow, that's really sweet of you." He says and my heart swells at how natural that sounded.

"Shit... I mean... I gotta go." He says and I'm s bit confused.

"Okay. It was nice talking to you." I say and I hear him sigh.

"Have a nice day." He says sadly and hangs up. _Well, that was an odd conversation._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, I'm cruel when it comes to make ya'll wait for the breakup. But you'll find out eventually.


	15. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Time for Mikasa development! Woo! So hi there! I'm hear to deliver a pretty long past chapter, so here you go! Enjoy!

I drove Levi and Mikasa to school the next day. It was the most awkward car ride of my life. It was fairly obvious that Mikasa was on edge about Levi and he just seemed really off. As soon as we pulled into a parking spot, I jumped out of the car and breathed clean, non-tension-heavy air.

I got my book bag out of the trunk, handing Mikasa and Levi their backpacks. We walked into the school and I saw Levi tense. I looked up to see Michael Johns hitting on a girl. I could tell Levi was about to do something, but I knew he would take it too far.

"Mikasa, hold him." I said and she looked confused, but grabbed his arm. He looked just as bewildered as she did, but I turned away and made my way over to Michael. I grabbed his shoulders and slammed him against the wall, ignoring the shriek from the girl he was flirting with.

"What are you doing?" He asked, genuinely confused and it made me sick. I took one of my hands off his shoulder and punched him in the face. I did it repeatedly, adding some knees to the dick. I took his shoulder to push him down to knee him in the gut and elbow his back. I was going too fast for him, which was rather surprising, but he deserved it. He deserved every minute of it.

He was too terrible for words and all I could think about was how he hurt Isabel. He fell to the ground and I started kicking him in the side. By the time I was done, I was being held back by Mikasa and Levi as Michael coughed up blood. They pulled me into another hallway, me fighting them the whole way.

"What the hell is going on?" I heard worried, male voice say and turn around to see Farlan and surprisingly Isabel.

"I think you should see for yourself." Levi said and nodded his head towards the hallway we were just in and they walked over there. Mikasa let go of my arm so she could grab my hair and turn my head towards her.

"Don't be a dumbass, Eren." She said, voice still somewhat soft though. I nodded and she let go of me and started walking away before looking back with a smirk. "But you totally kicked his ass." She said and walked away. I looked to Levi, who was still holding my arm while looking after Mikasa.

He seemed to notice that because his eyes widened and he quickly let go of my arm. "That was pretty great." He said with a small smile. And when I say small, I mean small, like I had to squint to see it, but he quickly schooled his expression again.

"It was nothing. He deserved it." I said and he nodded.

"Here, I'll walk you to class." He said and my stomach had butterflies floating around in it. I walked to my locker and Levi followed me. It had been a pretty odd morning.

The night before, Levi came inside with me and we sat on the bed. He was still crying, so I just sat there and held him. I woke up with him in my arms and awkwardly sat between my legs, but I couldn't stop the pounding in my heart when I saw how peaceful and comfortable he looked. To be honest, it was going strong even then as Levi leaned against the locker next to mine.

"So, is Farlan taking you home before baseball?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Isabel and I are staying for practice. I have something planned for after." He said and I turned to him.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked and he smiled.

"We're going camping on the beach. Just something to distract Isabel from everything. Plus it's a three day weekend, so why not." He said.

"That's really sweet of you." I said and he blushed, looking down. Maybe he has a fever or something because he's been doing that a lot this morning. "You feeling alright?" I asked and he looked up to me.

"Yeah, I'm just a little off this morning." He said and I nodded. I finished getting my stuff and he walked me to the art room, despite the fact he didn't have his stuff. We stopped in front of the art room and he bit his lip. "So, thank you for last night." He said and I was surprised by how shy he was being.

"It was no problem." I said and leaned against the doorway. He looked up at me and I could see pink creeping into his face. _God, he's cute. I've got to shut my mind up._ The bell rang, seemingly breaking Levi's nervous trance cause he looked and swore.

"Fuck, I can't be late for physics again. See ya," he said and threw me a wave and a small smile and I walked into art. I walked over to my usual table to see Isabel already sitting down with a small smile. As soon as I sat down, she came around the table and gave me a hug.

"I love you so much. Thank you for doing that." She said and I smiled.

"No problem. I'm just glad you're here." I said and she let go of me and smiled.

"That's thanks to you too." She said and I smiled and looked down. She leaned in and kissed my cheek before going back to her seat.

"So, I'm thinking of doing a water painting of the sunset." She said and I fake scowled.

"You're copying me now." I said and she laughed. I wasn't stupid enough to think she was magically better, but she was there. She could still get better eventually. That was what really mattered.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next day, I woke up to a call from an unknown number. I answered it and groggily answered. "...Ello?" I answered and almost fell out of bed when I heard the other line.

"Hey Eren?" Levi said and scratch the almost, I ended up on the floor. "Everything okay?" He said and I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me. I was way more frazzled than I should've been and knowing that made it even worse.

"Yeah, I'm good. What's up?" I said and he chuckled nervously and my heart jumped.

"My car broke down and I know jack shit about this." He said and I looked to my clock. It was 2:37.

"Shit, is it really the afternoon?" I said and he lets out a "Tch".

"Yes, brat. Now, if you're serious about just waking up, I can call Kenny, but he's at work." He said and I moved to my dresser and pulled off my boxers.

"Naw, I'll meet you. Where are you?" I asked and he paused as I put on a new pair of underwear.

"Um... you know that studio on First Street?" He said and I stopped pulling up my pants mid-leg.

"Yeah, you mean out in Sina?" I asked and he hummed as an answer.

"I know it's far..."

"It's not that, but what are you doing there? It's a super fancy studio." I said and finished pulling on my pants.

"Um... I'm doing a project for English." He said and I stop to put him on speaker.

"We don't have a project." I said and there's a bit of a silence as I take off my shirt.

"...I meant physics." He said as I got out a red, white, and blue plaid shirt.

"That's not suspicious." I said and pulled on the button-up.

"Shut it. You coming or not?" He asked and I laughed.

"Touchy. Yeah, I'll be there in like half an hour." I said as I finish buttoning it up and going downstairs.

"Thanks, I owe you one." He said and I stopped him.

"Wait. How did you get my number?"

"Isabel is with me."

"And you didn't use her phone?" He paused.

"Anyway, I'll see you in a bit." He said and hung up. _That was the most sketchy conversation I've ever been in._

I grabbed my keys off the table and went out the door. Mikasa was the only one that's up, so I heard her say a snarky "goodbye" and I went back in. "Sorry, Levi's car broke down. I love you, have a good day." I said and she smiled and waved to me.

"Love you too. Go save Levi. Make sure he doesn't break your car to." She said and I snorted out a laugh. I left and got into the car to go on my adventure to the city.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Okay, turn on the car." I said and it turns on just fine, so it's not the transmission. I have my head in the hood of his car and I'm trying to figure out what's wrong. "Try stepping on the gas." I said and he did, and I get my answer. There was a loud crackle and smoke coming out from the engine.

I went to the front seat where Levi was and leaned into the car, seeing his engine light on. "Do you not read those?" I said and he shrugged. "God, you can act so gay sometimes." I said and he laughed.

"So what's the damage." He asked and I gave him an "are-you-kidding-me" look.

"You drive a Taurus and you're engine's shot. You might as well junk this thing. It's not worth paying the repair cost." I said and he groaned.

"Shit." He said and I nodded as I leaned my head back out of the car. I walked over to my truck and jumped in next to Isabel who was using my car for the AC. "We'll call a tow truck later. Let's just get you home." I said and she smiled and leaned against my arm as I hear the trunk open.

"Thank you for doing this, Eren." She said and I matched her smile.

"It's no problem," I said as Levi got into the car.

"I get to control the radio!" Isabel said and Levi's eyes widened as I shifted gears and left the parking lot.

"No... maybe that's not..." Isabel drowned him out by blaring some new song by Levi Ackerman I hadn't heard before.

 

_Maybe it's the way you move_

_That has me hypnotized,_

_There's something about you that_

_I can't get off my mind_

 

 

Levi was blushing red while Isabel sang to me in a fake microphone. I laughed as she obnoxiously screamed along.

 

_I think you brought me to wonderland cause_

_I'm going crazy for you tonight_

_I'm falling down the rabbit hole as_

_I get lost in your eyes_

_Maybe it's your smile that has me coming undone_

_Maybe if it you, I don't have to run_

 

"What's the name of this song?" I asked and Isabel turns to me with a shit-eating grin.

"It's called Wonderland, but I bet Levi Ackerman himself would call it..." Levi covers her mouth and her eyes crinkle in mirth.

"She's spitting out shit." He said and I couldn't have been more confused as they seemed to talk with their eyes. I laughed and turned back to the road, listening to the song and Isabel's eventual addition. I think I heard a deep voice singing along, but I may have just been hearing a harmony of the song.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I got home to a sight I never thought I'd see. Mikasa and Armin going at it on the couch. I should've probably been more disturbed than I was, but I just walked in and went to the fridge. They didn't notice me until I accidentally clanked two orange cream soda bottles together.

They both sat up, neither Armin nor Mikasa wearing a shirt. "What are you doing?" Mikasa asked and I smirked.

"I could ask you the same thing. Isn't the couch a bit public?" I said and laughed as Armim practically squeaked and turned red.

"I thought you were fixing Levi's car." Mikasa said as she put her bra back on. We were really comfortable with each other. And yet she still didn't know I was gay.

"Too fucked up. You'd think a city boy would know how to maintain a car." I said and Mikasa laughed. Armin, still a little weirded out that I just walked in on him trying to do my sister, just smiled awkwardly. He got off of her and sat down on the couch, leaving his shirt off.

"You know, Levi was acting really weird yesterday during english." Armin said and I could tell he was implying something by how he said it.

"Levi's always weird." Mikasa said as I opened my bottle with the bottle opener.

"No, it was weirder than normal. And he kept staring at Eren." He said and shit he needed to shut up.

"Hmm, didn't you say Levi was gay?" Mikasa said and I slammed the opener down.

"Of course he was acting weird around me. His sister tired to kill herself and he cried to me. He's not open with his emotions so he felt awkward." I said, trying to convince myself at the same time. I couldn't deny that he was acting rather shy, but he seemed more put together that day.

They both shot me confused looks, but nodded. "Maybe it's best if you relaxed this weekend. You've been on edge for awhile now." Mikasa said and I hesitantly nodded. Yeah, that was it. I was just tired. I nodded and went over to sit next to Armin on the couch, who had finally calmed down. We watched movies all day and crashed on the couch.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Mikasa wouldn't let me work or even leave the house, so we hung out most of the weekend. It was good since she actually ended up sleeping in my room. Sunday night, Mikasa woke me up from her shaking.

I opened my eyes to see her shut ones, face scrunched in distress. I shook her awake and she flipped me over, pinning me down. Her eyes widened when she saw it was me. "Shit, s-sorry." She said and got off me and sat down on my legs. I moved so I could sit up and wrap my arms around her.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she just stayed quiet, but that was enough of an answer. I ran my fingers through her hair until she started to relax. It hasn't been as bad as it was that night for years. Not since Mom. She finally relaxed and started crying. When Mikasa cries, it's either silent tears or loud weeping. That night was loud weeping.

I wiped her tears away until she calmed down. I heard a noise outside my door and knew that Hannes was probably checking in. "Mikasa, what's wrong?" I asked and she started gulping down air.

"I-I'm j-just so scared. After everything t-that happened w-with Isabel." She said and it made sense. She realized that there are many people who could hurt her. She had already been hurt before and she was scared of it happening again. I took her cheeks in my hands as she tried to breathe.

"Mika, you're better than them. You're faster, stronger, was more badass, and you've got me to beat up anyone who even tries to touch you. Besides Armin. You could beat his ass, but we both know he's not like that." I said and she giggled, blushing a bit at the mention of Armin, but she was still shaking.

"I k-know. I just d-didn't think that i-it was possible for M-Michael..." She said and I pulled her into my arms as she started to cry again.

"I know, it's scary. He's horrible beyond words and he deserves everything he has coming for him." I said and her shaking slowed.

"You did kick his ass pretty well." She said and I laughed.

"Imagine if you had done it. He wouldn't be able to walk straight ever again." I said and she laughed, snorting due to her tear-induced snot. I chuckled with her as the door opened. We both looked up to see Hannes peaking his head in.

"Everything okay?" He said and I smiled to Mikasa.

"Yeah, I think I'm good." She said and extended an arm to Hannes, who came in and made it a group hug. Sometimes it's nice to have a family like mine. We were a bunch of misfits, but we fit together well.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When I was seven, I was with my mom in Sina. We were in a rougher part of town, driving in the car. I was the first to see it, a small girl getting shoved into a van.

I pointed it to my mom and she told me to write down the license plate number on a lipstick stained napkin. We followed the van until it pulled into a warehouse and called the police.

They came and went in there to see that the girl was being sold to sex traffickers. We had called just in time, the men being arrested and about five kid being saved.

When we found Mikasa, alone and naked in a corner, she would only talk to me. I think it was because I was close to her age, albeit younger. She told me her parents had been killed.

When I told my mom, we both agreed to adopt her. I gave Mikasa a flannel I had on (what? I started young) and a red scarf. She still wears the scarf when it gets cold outside.

We took Mikasa to the doctors and found out they had never raped her, but it took a lot of kicking and screaming to find that out. She had a legitimate fear of sexual assault.

It started out that she would only sleep in my room, then once her nightmare weren't as bad, she would sleep in her own room and only come on bad nights. The cycle repeated itself after my mother died. She became overly protective of me and although it may be annoying, I still love Mikasa. She is the sister I never officially had and I'll always love her for that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

On Monday, when I went to my locker, I opened it to find a sticky note on the inside. I picked it off and read the small, neat handwriting.

 

_I never saw a way to love somebody with all your heart,_

_I never saw a reason to give your heart away,_

_But something about you was different from the start to me._

_-LA_

 

Although I didn't know who it was, I was smiling like an idiot on my way to art.


	16. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm keeping this chapter really short. I realized why it's harder to write present is because I have to cover just a month while the other arc is a year, so sorry. Like half of this chapter is a songXD I'll probably post a past chapter tonight or tomorrow. So, enjoy!

If there was something I never understood, it was Eren. Ever since that phone call, he's avoided me like the plague. Like last time, but less talk and more just not being by me. To be honest, I was glad when Hanji invited me to another weekend bonfire. I guess I just wanted to see where I stand.

I currently stand in the water, being splashed at by a seven year old and a twenty-four year old with a five year old on my shoulders. "Connie, what are you doing?" I yell as he repeatedly splashes me in the face.

"You're the water monster!" He laugh/yells. I finally get what he's doing and pull Sina of my shoulders. She looks confused as I hold her until I start tickling her stomach. She giggles and flails, whipping me with her wet hair as Connie and Rose splash us more.

I wait until Rose squirts my face with her water gun and fake death, handing Sina to Sasha in the process as she catches her breath from laughing. I fall into the water and swim away until I see a little body swim to me with floaties. "You okay, water monster?" Rose says and I smile to her.

"Yeah, I'm okay." I say and she smiles too. I pick her up and she starts squealing.

"Throw me, water monster, throw me!" She yells and I lightly toss her into the water, only letting go when she's about a foot away. Marco swims out to her and laughs.

"You know, you're really good with kids." He says and I smile up to Isabel, holding Eren Jr. while chatting with Mikasa on the deck.

"Well, you learn a little after being an uncle." I say and he breathes out a laugh before his little girl tugs at his arm.

"Daddy, the water monster is fun." She giggles.

"I don't think she knows your name." He says and laughs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

After dinner, I walk down to the water to find Eren quietly playing guitar. He had been avoiding me all day, and now I knew why.

 

_I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,_

_But something 'bout it felt like home somehow._

_And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,_

_And you've still got it in your drawer even now._

 

He's hurt.

 

_Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze._

_We're singing in the car, getting lost Upstate._

_Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,_

_And I can picture it after all these days._

_And I know it's long gone,_

_And that magic's not here no more,_

_And I might be okay,_

_But I'm not fine at all._

_'Cause there we are again on that little town street._

_You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me._

_Wind in my hair, I was there,_

_I remember it all too well._

 

He sings it as if he were actually singing it to someone.

 

_You taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me._

_And I know it's long gone_

_And there was nothing else I could do_

_And I forget about you long enough_

_To forget why I needed to._

_'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night._

_We're dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light_

_Down the stairs, I was there,_

_I remember it all too well, yeah._

_Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe_

_I asked for too much,_

_But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up._

_Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well._

 

He sings the next part and it feels like being stabbed in the heart

 

_Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise._

_So casually cruel in the name of being honest._

_I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here_

_'Cause I remember it all, all, all... too well._

 

He sang it with such emotion, there's no doubt in my mind how much it hurt him. He looks down as he continues.

 

_Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it_

_I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it_

_After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own_

_Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone_

 

The way he sings that part makes me know he's about to cry, but is voice is still strong. The tear running down his cheek does nothing to ruin his quality of singing.

 

_But you keep my old scarf from that very first week_

_'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me_

_You can't get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah_

_Cause there we are again, when I loved you so_

_Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known_

_It was rare, I was there,_

_I remember it all too well_

_Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all_

_Down the stairs, you_ _were there, you remember it all_

_It was rare, I was there,_

_I remember it all too well_

 

"Your singing is still beautiful." I say and he falls backwards as he whips his head around.

"How much of that did you hear?" He asks as he whips his tears away.

"Enough." I say and he sighs.

"Can't you just leave me alone?" He grumbles.

"I thought we were on speaking terms again." I say and he shakes his head, standing up and grabbing his guitar.

"I just wanted to know about my friends Isabel and Farlan. I don't care about you." He says and wow, that hurt like a bitch.

"Seriously?" I ask, internally cringing about how weak my voice sounds.

"Seriously. You've made it very clear you don't care about me." He says and I notice that fresh years are still coming out.

"And I'm trying to show you I do." I say and he groans.

"You've already done this before! You come in here and try to woo me and when it works, you get bored."

"That's not it at all! I didn't..."

"That's right, you didn't, Levi. You didn't stay! You didn't stay." He says and turns to the water.

"You have no business here anymore and you should go." He says and puts his finger on either side of his nose.

"Eren..."

"Just go." He says, voice strong despite the tears pouring out. I stand there until he looks up and glares at me.

"Fine, then I'll go," he says and goes to the house, not looking back as he leaves. I turn to walk after him to said house to see a crowd of people surrounding the kitchen window. I roll my eyes. Typical.

I run up, going around the house, but by the time I get there, he's pulling out. I go back into the house to see several different looks, ranging from support to amusement, all directed at me.

"I wonder if this is going to be an every week thing, because this is really satisfying." Jean says and Marco slaps his arm.

I look up to Armin to see him mouth "go to him" to me and Mikasa gives him a shocked look. I nod to him and grab my car keys and run outside. I start my car, shift gears, and speed to one of three places I know he'll be.

 


	17. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is like a intro in a way to the next past chapter. So, that's basically it. Enjoy and thanks for reading!

The next morning, I got another note in my locker.

 

 

_Oh, I've been counting stars,_

_Waiting for the one to change my mind,_

_I've been counting stars,_

_Waiting for you._

 

_-LA_

It sounded like a hook of a song that I had never heard. I got my art stuff together and grabbed my phone. Typing in the lyrics while in the hallway. There wasn't anything.

I huffed and went into art to find Isabel with her head down, looking at her paper. I knew then she was having a bad day. I ran back to my locker and grabbed a pair of headphones then take a seat next to her once I'm back.

I gave her one of my headphones and she smiled weakly before putting it in her ear. I tried to play my happiest music and it seemed to work if her swinging her head back and forth is anything to go by. She suddenly stopped in favor of staring at the note on top of my stuff.

"Oh my god." She said and picked it up with a surprised smile. "Who gave this to you?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know, I just found the note in my locker." I said and she squeaked. She quickly composed herself and shot up from her seat.

"I'll be right back." She said and pulled her phone out before leaving the room. I continued my pastel drawing until I heard a loud voice.

"I fucking swear, if you..." I heard Levi's bellowing voice inside the room from the hallway and everyone in the room paused and laughed a bit. A few minutes later, Isabel came back with a shit-eating grin.

"What just happened?" I asked and she ignored my in favor of putting her fallen headphone back in and going back to work. _Okay then._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"I want to learn to drive a manual." Levi came to me with just this as he walked into the diner and said that first thing.

"Hi Levi, it's nice to see you too, my day was great, yes, the weather is beautiful." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Your humor is about as appreciated as your ass." He said and I leaned on the counter and popped a hip.

"So, very?" I said and laughed as Levi watched my butt move to the side.

"This is beside the point." He said, literally shaking his head as if he needed to get out of a trance. God, he really has a thing for butts. I mean, he is a gay guy, so it makes sense.

"Wait, you were serious?" I said and had to hold back a laugh as he nodded as if it was obvious.

"Don't you have your license?" I asked and he nodded in the same manner as before and I really did laugh.

"What's so funny about that?" He asked as I caught my breath.

"Oh my god, I learned to drive one when I was twelve." I said and his eyes widened.

"That's really early," he said and I laughed.

"Not around here. It's unheard of for an eighteen year old guy not to know how to drive a manual. Automatic cars aren't reliable," I said because it was true. We were a very old fashioned town.

"Well in New York, the shitty cars are automatics from the eighties," he said and I nodded. I guess thia town was probably a bit of a culture shock.

"Okay, City Boy, I'll teach you to drive, but I'm teaching you the real way." I said and his eyes brows furrowed.

"Real way?" He said and I smiled a maniacal smile.

"I'm teaching you to drive my truck. She's a half-century old beauty with an occasional stall." I said and he gulped.

"Don't you think I should, um, learn on a car that won't stall?" He said and I smirked.

"Are you nervous? Levi... wow, I just realized I don't know your last name."

"Truck sounds great." He said and had a look on his face that dared my to question and I couldn't bring myself to argue.

"Okay, I finish up in about ten minutes, just wait until then." I said and hurried to finish my shift. As soon as I was done, I went up to Levi who was wiping a salt shaker with a hand wipe. Okay then. He looked up at me and smiled before getting out of his seat.

"Okay Teach, let's do this." He says with a smirk that made my face heat up for unknown reasons. I tossed him the keys and started to walk outside. We got into the car and I slid into the middle seat. He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

"I have to see what I'm teaching you." I said and he nodded and buckled in. "So, have you ever driven one before?" I asked and he nodded.

"Once, but I got hit by a cop." He said and my head snapped to him.

"Holy shit, how does that happen?" I asked and his jaw tightened.

"They thought I stole a car. The bastard hit me first, of course I'm gonna use his car to get away." He said and I stared at him, mouth hanging open, questioning my decision of letting him drive while trying to prevent a boner from popping because damn he had a record.

 _Why the hell is that hot?_ I don't know, but my blood seemed to have excepted it's fate in hell by the speed it went down to my dick. I sit trying to compose myself as he looked over to me and smirked.

"That's a conversation for another day," he said and I barely understood it because I was so transfixed on his smirk. _God, he should show more emotion._ _I need to calm the fuck down_. I was a mess in my own middle seat.

"Okay, so push the clutch and turn the key." I said after making sure the car was in first. He did as he was told and we started driving. "Okay, now press that petal. Good, now shift into second." We continued this on for awhile as he got used to slow paced.

I directed him to a back road to practice faster driving. That was my first mistake. The truck stalls before speeding towards a curve.

"Levi, pull the break."

"Which one is the break?"

"Do you seriously not know what the break is?"

"Don't worry, I got it."

My second mistake was not showing him the emergency break. He pressed on the gas and we were pushed faster towards the tree.

"Pull the break!" I yelled and I yanked the emergency break, tires screeching against the road. Levi wrapped is arm around my shoulders protectively and pulled me close as I grabbed his shirt, one of his arms wrapping around my head.

I feel the car stop, but don't see it due to my eyes squeezed shut. _Fuck, what just happened?_ I open my eyes to see the front of Levi's shirt. I try to move my head, I was being restrained close. I glance up to see Levi's head over mine, eyes screwed shut.

"Levi?" I said as I realized he was shaking. I untangled my hands from his shirt and move them up to his shoulders. "Levi, it's okay." I said and started to rub his shoulders, unable to move at that moment. He slowly relaxed enough to loosen his grip on my head and I got to see exactly what happened.

We were less that a foot away from the tree and the car was stopped on the side of the road. Levi had angled my head away from airbags and glass. He was trying to save me. I move my head up and rest my forehead on his. That was my third mistake.

His eyes were still shut and he still had his arm around my waist, accompanied with the arm that had dropped from my head. I moved my hands up to his cheeks and run my thumbs along his strong cheekbones. He opened his eyes and they looked different this time. They looked like a light blue, like a sky with a this layer of rain clouds over them, like right as a storm ends.

"A-are you okay?" I asked, not sure why I stuttered since he was the one in a panic.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, but I gave his an incredulous look and he let out a dry laugh. "Seriously, I'm fine." He said and I just looked at him.

"Levi?"

"Yes?"

"You're shaking." I said and he looked away before sighing and looking back at him.

"I thought I hurt you." He said and my face relaxed into a small smile.

"I'm good. The car stopped in time and you prevented me from getting hurt. Thank you." I said and his cheeks dusted in pink as he looked up at me. It took me a moment to realize he was leaning in and I knew what was happening. He was gonna kiss me. He was gonna kiss me and I knew I was going to fall in love with him. And I couldn't let that happen.

I turned my face to the side and his nose bonked my cheek a bit and he leaned back. "So, want me to drive you home?" I asked and he nodded. I drove him home before going to my actual secret place. Everyone knew about the tree. No one knew about this place.

There was a pier not too far from the boardwalk but no one ever used it. It was long and wooden, but but sturdy. I walk out to the end and take my shoes off before putting my feet in the water. I sat there and tried to compose myself only to end up crying. _No. Not again._ I was just glad there was no one else out there. At least, that's what I thought until I heard a tiny voice behind me.

"Eren?" Historia Reiss. There's a lot I could say about Historia. For starters, she's stunning. She had on a strapless blue sundress that covered everything but still made her look sexy. She was sweet, but sometimes fake with it. She was real around our group, but in school it made me sick how much she tired to fit in. Don't be mean. Don't state your opinion. Don't be gay. I mean, I guess I was kind of with her on the last one, but still.

She came over and say down next to me. "What's wrong, Eren?" She askedand I looked down.

"Nothing. What are you doing here?" I asked, a bit surprised she had found my place even if it was easy to find.

"Well, I was on a date with Ymir alone tonight and there were people coming, so she had me walk down here." She said and I nodded. "What about you?" She asked and I couldn't. I knew I couldn't, but I tried.

"Why don't you just come out?" I asked and she looked at the water.

"I don't want people to see me different. Everyone at school, my parents, sometimes it's just easier to go with it. Plus, with everything that happened to Thomas." At that, I started crying again. She laced an arm around my waist and pulled me close.

"I know you two were close. I'm sorry I brought it up." She said and I shook my head.

"No, I need to hear it sometimes." I said. It was true. I needed to remember why I did this. Historia eventually left when Ymir called her and I waved her goodbye. She seemed reluctant, but left anyway after reminding me that I had to be at Jean's on Sayurday for Sprong Break planning. I sat there for a bit before going home.

_That's right. I'm not going to fall in love._

I never thought I'd be so wrong.


	18. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry! It's been so long! Hi guys... Sorry I haven't been posting as much lately. I know where going with the present arc, just not how to get there, you know? So here's the chapter and I'll post a pasts one too. Enjoy:)

I knew Eren would be at the tree. He didn't think I would follow him, so why actually try to hide? He was just leaning against the stump, crying. As soon as he sees I'm there, he scowls and turns away.

"You really can't just let me be, can you?"

"Do you seriously think I don't care about you?" I ask and he turns to me with rage in his eyes.

"You lied about everything you ever said to me. You told me you would never lie about you sexuality. You told me you wouldn't let fame change you. You told me that you didn't care what others thought of you. You told me you'd never hurt me. Why would I believe you care about me?" There's tears pouring from his eyes, but his voice is controlled. His accent comes out in an adorable way when he's like this, but I try to disregard that. I have to this seriously, not like a lovestruck teenaged girl. He climbs down from his tree and walks up to me.

"You actually went back in the closet. Did you think about how much that hurt? The fact I wasn't worth admitting that you're gay for. You once said I was just some fling in high school. That you never loved me. Care to explain that?" He yells everything I know he was holding in.

"I was trying to cover it up and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I was terrible, but..." I say and he slaps me hard across the face and I freeze and look at him.

"I've been wanting to do that for years." He says, but he somehow doesn't look satisfied with it.

"I've trusted you before. You've used these little methods of trying to sweep me off my feet. And guess what? You broke every promise you every made! Fuck you! Fuck you for thinking I'd take you back! Fuck you for hurting me like this!"

Before he can say anything else, I grab his face and set my forehead in his. Our chests are flush and I feel it: his heart slamming in his chest. It might just be from anger, but it's something. It means something to him. I mean something to him. I just need to know that much. If I mean something, I still have a chance.

"There's one promise I didn't break. I told you I'd always love you, and here I am." I say and his eyes widen. Tears flow down Eren's face as he turns around, practically ripping his head from my hands. He doesn't say anything as he walks away, weeping silently.

Did I hurt him that much? I figured he moved on pretty soon. I guess I was wrong. He didn't move on.

That holds a lot less hope than I thought it would.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It's two days later when Armin texts me.

 

 

From Mushroom- What happened after you left?

 

I read it and grit my teeth. I know I something's up. I type out a reply and click send. I get a response not even a minute later.

 

 

To Mushroom- How is he?

From Mushroom- Kind of a wreak.

To Mushroom- Shit. I try to help and it just causes a mess.

From Mushroom- I get it, but give him some space for right now. He needs to breathe and isn't Farlan and Isabel's vows in a few days?

To Mushroom- Yeah, on Friday. Didn't you get the invite?

From Mushroom- I think Mika hid it, but we're still going if I have to drag her. Anyway, just be casual until then. Only talk to Eren for business. That's it.

 

I agree that I need to give him space, but my main question is why did it affect him so much. 

 

From Mushroom- I'm working at my Grandpa's shop right now and I need to pick out a gift for Hanji and Farlan. Come on by.

 

I decide it's a good idea, plus I had always enjoyed Armin's company. He wasn't one to judge without knowing someone closely and I found it comforting. So I get in my truck and shift gears before driving out to the small antique shop.

I only went there a few times with Eren when I was younger and he would always light up. He's a geek who likes Shakespeare, the sky, and old records and it was the most adorable thing. And there I go, back to Eren.

Isabel always said that I never got over Eren. She said it was obvious when I thought about him and it was too much for my thoughts to be platonic.

I really never did stop loving him, but I knew I had more important things to do than fall in love. Maybe it was wrong, but at least Isabel and Farlan will always have a roof over their heads.

The drive to the antique shop is short and I find myself there in just a few minutes. It's in an old barn that's been renovated into a store. It had dividers for different people to sell different thing at different places. I walk into the front to see Armin smiling bashfully.

"Hey, Levi." He says, looking nervous.

"What's got your panties in a twist, Mushroom?" I ask and he grabs my arm and pulls me into a booth.

"So, um, do you remember Michael Johns?" He asks and my blood boils.

"The fucker who raped my sister? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I remember." I say and he gulps.

"Well, he walked in a few minutes before you did." The Mushroom says and I try to calm my breathing.

"I'm don't wanna see him. He isn't important in my life anymore." I say and Armin puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You're being really good about this." He says and I look up at him.

"As long as Isabel doesn't see him, I don't..."

"No, I mean about everything." He interrupts with a smile. I give him a small smile back and look down.

"Thanks kid. So what did you have in mind for a gift?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I managed to avoid Johns the whole time and got Hanji and Erwin some old wine glasses and I'll get some wine to go with it. Armin got Hanji an old microscope set and Erwin an old shaving kit. All in all, it was productive and nice just to hang out with Armin.

I get home with to see a girl with black hair and a red scarf banging on my door. "Levi, let me the fuck in!" Mikasa yells and I cough loudly. She turns to me and she suddenly looks nervous. That makes me nervous because I know she's not looking at me that way because she sorry for injuring my door.

"Have you seen Eren?" She asks and my heart drop.

"No, why? What happened?" I say and she starts to walk away, but I grab her wrist. "What's going on?" I say and she tries to rip her wrist from my hand only to fail.

"Why do you care?" She says and I sigh.

"I can't care about him even if I'm not with him?" I ask and her head snaps to me.

"No, you can't." She says and I look her right in the eyes.

"Mikasa, I love him and I care about him." I say and her eyes widen slightly. She knows I'm not lying. She takes my wrist in hers and looks up at me.

"Repeat that." She says and I have to hold down a laugh.

"Are you checking my pulse?"

"Yes I am, you ass, now repeat it." She says and I put my free hand up in defeat, having let go of her arm.

"I love and care about Eren." I say and she looks down.

"I don't get you." She says with a small smile.

"Mikasa, now tell me, what the fuck is going on?" I say and she seems to remember she was doing something.

"Right. He skipped work today and isn't home. He won't answer anyone's calls." She says and I'm confused.

"How long ago was that? Why didn't Armin know?" I ask and she looks oddly at me.

"What the hell, you were with my husband?" She says and I hold back the urge to gulp.

"Yeah, I went to the antique shop." I say, which is actually true.

"Well I just told him. Eren called in sick and so I went to check in on him and he was gone. That was an hour ago and I'm starting to worry." She says and I don't think I've ever seen Mikasa look so small. Sometimes I have to remember that even though Mikasa is married to Armin, Eren is her rock. 

I give a small smile and move my hand into the one that's holding my wrist. "Come on, I'll make you some tea and we can wait to see if he calls. You shouldn't stress yourself out that much with the baby. If he doesn't by midnight, we'll file a report." I say and she nods hesitantly.

I take her into my apartment and go to the kitchen. "So, how is everything?" I ask as I fill a tea kettle for her. I put it in the stove and leave it to boil as I get myself a cup of coffee.

"Fine, I guess. I'm just worried. He's so impulsive and I think something is actually up if he's not at least answering our texts." She says as I sit down on a chair by her.

"It'll be okay." I say and she looks down.

"I was thinking maybe he came back to you. I mean, at least the ID know he was safe." She says and I try to ignore the way my heart swells at the somewhat approval.

"He's Eren, he'll be fine. He's so determined that u know he won't stop until he's done with whatever he's doing." I say and she looks out the window with a pained expression.

"That's what worries me."


	19. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's technically the next day since its past midnight, but here's the chapter I promised! I don't know how I feel about this chapter., but it's chill, so enjoy:)

It was five years before that my mom had died. It just so happened that exactly a year after, my father was shipped overseas. And there we were, four years to the day after he left, with two soldiers at our door.

I opened the door, thinking it was just Armin since he was coming over, and froze when I saw them. "Are you the son of Grisha Jaeger?" One of them said and I knew something was wrong.

"Yes, I'm him." I said and they handed me a letter.

"We are sorry to inform you that he is missing in action." The other said and my heart dropped to my heart dropped to my feet. So did the letter.

I think Hannes must have noticed something was wrong since he came to the door with a serious face. The soldiers explained everything to him and I just turned it out. My father, the last blood family I had left, was missing.

I'm not gonna lie, I had resented him for leaving us when we needed him most. At this point, Hannes was more a father than Grisha was. _He just disappeared._

I started listening when they said that he's a wanted man. He wasn't kidnapped, they believed that he left. I pushed past the two men in uniforms to my truck, appreciating the fact I left the keys in the front seat.

I shot Armin a text saying to meet me at Connie's. Mikasa was at Sasha's house that night so it was just going to be Armin and I, but the last thing I needed was a quiet night. I needed a distraction.

I got it when I pulled into Connie's driveway. He opened the door with a smile, but his face dropped when he saw my expression. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, I just really needed to get out of the house. Armin is on his way." I know this sounds rude, but it's how it worked with us. We would meet at Connie's place or Jean's and drink and probably watch a movie. Whether it was relationship problems, family problems, whatever it may be, we could have a guy's night or just a friend's night if needed, but I didn't want to get Mikasa involved.

Connie nodded and let me in. I waved to his twin siblings in the living room and walked to the basement. Connie threw me the remote and smiled.

"Your pick tonight. I'll text the other guys." He said with a smile and I nodded a thanks to him. I scrolled through the movies, looking for something scary or shitty. They can both be found in the same category: horror.

I ended up settling on Paranormal Activities. It had just come out on dvd and if was on Comcast on demand. I watched the trailer and it looked decent, but I didn't get to see it since the closest theater is a drive-in and they liked to show old movies.

I rented it and pressed pause so everyone could get there. As soon as Armin got there, he sat next to me and grabbed my hand.

"Mikasa texted me." He said and my head snapped to him.

"How..."

"Hannes." He said and I nodded. He rested his head on my shoulder. Pretty soon, Jean and Marco come downstairs with three twelve-packs of beer.

"I hope you remember it's a school night." I said and they smirked.

"Fuck that, tomorrow's skip day anyway." Jean said and Connie smiles as he walked in behind them.

"The other four are on there way." He said and I felt myself tense up. I had been a little weary of Levi since he almost kissed me, but I honestly wanted him there and it scared me a bit. Armin must have noticed something, because he squeezed my hand and nuzzled into my neck.

I was glad no one had brought up my father, but it was stuck in my mind. He left to convince us he was a hero, but he was just one of the bad guys. Maybe he was a hero. Maybe something happened. Maybe there was corruption in the military. _He could be dead for all we know._

It wasn't until I heard Armin yelp that I realized I had been squeezing him like a lifeline. I also noticed everyone had been staring at me and there were four more people in the room. _Opps._

I picked up the remote and played the movie, turning my body towards the tv. I could tell nobody was convinced I was alright since it took them awhile to turn to the tv. I noticed someone took my other hand and my head snapped up to see Levi looking at me, face impassive. He leaned in so he could whisper right next to my ear.

"You okay, Bright Eyes?" He asked and I nodded, not trusting myself to talk about it. He gave me an incredulous look, but I turned back to the movie before he could say anything else. I saw him looking at me out of the corner of my eye long after I started watching the movie. I didn't let go of his hand.

The movie was over fast and it fucking sucked but I knew I'd watch the second if they made one for a laugh. By the end of it, Armin was asleep on the pillow next to me and had let go of my hand while Levi and I remained the same.

Connie turned on the lights and got himself a beer. "I should've been drunk when I watched that." He said with a shiver of disgust.

"Was I the only one who saw the fan move before they did?" Farlan said, laying on the ground, practically on top of Jean's and Marco's feet.

"No, I saw it, but I had given up on them by then." Levi said and shook his head.

"I just wanna know where the babe went." Oluo said.

"Oh Oluo, why always the possessed ones?" Erwin said and I laughed.

"Well, he is an old man. Loves the spirits from his own generation." Jean said and Levi air high-fives him as Oluo started sputtering.

Just for laughs, we turned on the Hannah Montana movie and Armin sprung awake as Connie, Farlan, and Marco started singing along. By the end of the movie, everyone was asleep but Levi and I. I turned off the tv and sat there for a minute until Levi squeezed my hand.

"Seriously, are you okay?" He said and I find myself surprised that he remembered I was upset to begin with. He got here like four hours ago. I looked over to him and smiled weakly, but the best I could.

"I don't know." I answered honestly and smiled a sad smile.

"It's okay to be upset, Eren." He said and I looked down.

"My dad is MIA." I said quietly. He didn't react much, just a quickly adjusted change in breathing, and I was thankful for it. I didn't need any dramatic reactions and I was worried I'd get one from the others.

"He went into the army to get away from here. I hated him for that. It wasn't because he wanted to help or do good. He just wanted to leave. Forget about my mom and just go. He had adopted a daughter and just left her. He left me too. He left the life he made. I don't get how someone can just do that!" I yelled the last part before I remembered the sleeping people in the room. Luckily, Armin was the only one that moved, but didn't wake up.

"I'm so sorry." Levi said calmly and squeezed my hand. It was nice that he wasn't preaching or speaking against my dad. Somehow that just didn't seem right. Looking back, I think he only said one bad thing about him that night.

"He's an idiot for leaving someone as great as you." I was surprised how straight forward he was being and the notable lake of Mikasa in what he said. "But, I don't blame you for being upset." He said and I laid my head on his shoulder.

"I just can't believe he's gone." I said even though part of me still believed he may come back. Part of me still hoped for the good. He let go of my hand in favor of wrapping his arm around me as we laid down.

I felt so comfortable with him and if I hadn't been so lost in my mind, I would've been going crazy at the thought of laying down with the guy I was trying so hard not to want. But there I was, laying on top of him, feeling slightly more peaceful and suddenly sleepy.

I guess Levi sensed this, because he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.

"Goodnight Bright Eyes." He said and I had to ignore the sudden heat flooding my face.

"Goodnight Levi."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I surprisingly didn't get much harassment for falling asleep while cuddling with another man. Though Armin took pictures. _Figures he would be the one to do it._

I saw Armin and Marco exchange looks out of the corner of my eye and knew it was trouble. Those two were too smart for their own good. And good at reading people. _Well shit, now I'm nervous._

We all got up and eventually decided we had shit to get done and split up. Armin had to go drop lunch off to his grandpa, so I decided to come. His grandpa worked an antique shop and I liked buying some of the old records there, so we texted Mikasa to meet us there too.

Seemed that fate had it in for me though, because Isabel, Farlan, and Levi happened to be looking around at my regular record rack. "Eren!" Isabel shrieked, annoying a nearby old man, and came to hug me. Farlan was smirking to Levi who was looking at me with wide eyes.

"Hey," he said and I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. Isabel detached herself from my neck and smiled at me.

"What are you guys doing here?" She asked Armin and I and Armin smiled at her and answered.

"My grandpa works here," he said with a big smile. I could tell he liked Isabel for her sweet disposition and innocence in spite of everything.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her and Farlan walked up and slung an arm around her shoulders in a lighthearted fashion.

"Kenny wanted to get a new couch. Or I guess it's an old couch." He said and I gave him a confused look.

"Kenny is the guy who took up in." Isabel said with a smile and I found myself happy she was having a good day by how happy she seemed. Armin smiled before turning to me.

"I'm gonna drop this off at the counter then see if Mikasa is here." He said and nodded to the others before walking away, I went over to the record rack next to Levi and looked through them, standing shoulder to shoulder with him. I looked through the rack, getting bored rather quickly due to the sheer amount of disco.

I was looking for a lucky catch when Levi elbowed me gently. "You doing okay?" He asked, barely glancing up and I nodded.

"Yeah, just trying not to think about it." I said because that was true. I was scared Mikasa was gonna fuss over me or just be really down herself today and I really didn't want a reminder, but she was my sister and I needed to be there for her if she needed me.

I went to the rack on the other side of Levi and found down better music. "Dude, they have the Grease soundtrack." I said and he looked up at me.

"Are you fucking serious?" He said, but I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. I looked around to get backup to find Isabel and Farlan gone. _Oh, okay._

I elbowed Levi before pulling the record out and holding it to his face. "Fuck you, Grease is fantastic." I said andI got shushed by a nearly old women. Levi chuckled at me and I just glared at him before putting it under my arm.

He shook his head and looked down before pulling out another record. "Now, this is a fantastic album." He said and pulled out Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits. I smiled and took it out of his hands.

"I can agree with that. I didn't know you were a Sinatra fan." I said and he did his signature "tch, brat".

"I don't just like country music like all you hicks down here." He said and I elbowed him again. We both picked out a couple more albums, him ironically picking a George Strait one, before Mikasa came up behind me and slipped her arms around my waist and put her chin on my shoulder.

"Hey," she said and I smiled and half turned to her.

"Hey Mika," I said and I heard her sigh. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad until she kissed my cheek.

"I'm glad you're doing okay." She said and I knew that was all she would say about it.

"And here I thought you two were siblings." Levi said, but I could hear the amusement in his voice. I could tell Mikasa was about to bite something back, so I started showing her the albums I found.

"Why do they even have this album? Foo Fighters aren't that old." She said and I shrugged.

"That album came out fifteen years ago." Levi said, not looking up from the new rack he was looking in. Mikasa stared at him until he finally looked up. "What? They're a good band. And Dave Grohl is kind of a god." He said and Mika snorted out a laugh.

Pretty soon, Armin came back and looked around with Mika for awhile. Levi came back next to me and the four of us looked at records until Farlan and Isabel came running over.

"Hey, we need to move the couch." Farlan said and Levi turned to him.

"Did you pick out the couch without me?" He asked and Isabel smirked.

"You seemed busy." She said and wiggled her eyebrows and I found myself lost as Levi lightly blushed and glared at them.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We went over to their house after that and I was surprised when I met Kenny. "Mikasa Ackerman... I've heard that name before. What was your father's name?" He said almost instantly after shaking her hand and she looked very uncomfortable.

"Um... Steven..." She said and he smiled.

"Well I'll be damned. I think you're my niece." He said and there was an awkward silence for awhile before Mikasa suddenly laugh.

"No way, you're Uncle Kenny? I thought you were dead," she said and I was surprised to see her so lighthearted about this when I didn't even know she had an uncle.

"And I thought you were dead. Odd how that works." He said and I looked to Levi to find his face even paler than before and it worried me.

"Anyway, this is Armin and Eren." He said quickly to change the subject.

"Wait, which one of you is Eren?" He said with a shit-eating grin and suddenly, Levi was pale again.

"That would be me, sir. It's nice to meet you." I say and extend a hand to him, which he takes and shake vigorously before walking around me. It made me feel like prey being circled by a hawk before he attacks, but I was surprised by what he said.

"You were right, Levi. He does have a good ass." He said and my face heated up as everyone but Levi and I laughed.

"So we got a couch." Levi said as Isabel was still wheezing.

"Okay, well, just bring it into the living room later. I'll make dinner for now." Kenny said and Farlan laughed.

"You can't cook for shit." He said.

"Yeah, but I can boil some mean pasta." He said and Isabel smiled while Levi let out a "tch".

"Remind me to teach you to cook sometime." He said and got his bag of records off of the counter.

"Only when you bake," Kenny said in response and Levi shook his head as he left the room. Isabel grabbedy hand and brought me into what I assumed was the living room. It was big and open with a wall of windows and cream-colored walls. There was white carpet and a space where the couch was gonna go. There was an average sized tv and and a table with a stereo and a record player on it.

Mikasa came and stood next to me as Levi put on a Sinatra record. "If he weren't adopted by Kenny, I'd kill him." She said and I blushed, trying to ignore what she was implying. Isabel and Farlan started to dance a bit to the music. Armin asked Mikasa to dance too, but she said she wanted to catch up with Kenny.

I was watching Isabel and Farlan as Armin followed Mikasa and Levi walked up next to me. "They're cute." I said to him and he scowled.

"Yeah, grossly cute." He said, but he looked at them with love in his gaze. I walked over by the record player to look at the collection of records. I was surprised by the amount of country albums he actually had, not just old ones too. I picked up the new one my Lady Antebellum and turned to ask Levi about it, surprised to see Isabel and Farlan gone.

"I think they went to see Kenny." Levi said and walked next to me when the song changed.

"I love this song," I said as the Sinatra's voices rang through the air. Levi bowed in front of me, offering a hand.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked and I would've laughed if I hadn't realized he was serious. My heart was beating erratically, but I tried to keep a straight face as I took his hand.

"Sure," I said and he suddenly pulled me to him so that we were flushed together. He put a hand on my waist and held the other one up with mine while I wrapped my arm around his neck. He started leading and I remember how surprised I was when he moved us flawlessly. It was nothing compared to when he started singing though.

 

_I know I stand in line_

_Until you think you have the time_

_To spend an evening with me_

_And if we go someplace to dance,_

_I know that there's a chance_

_You won't be leaving with me_

 

He was good. Like professional level good. I was probably a dumbass for not seeing it then, but give me credit, I was a little awestruck. It wasn't even just the voice, it was how much he obviously loved singing. I found myself as transfixed on him as the day I met him. He continued to softly sing as he spun me around somehow.

 

_And afterwards we drop into_

_A quiet little place and_

_Have a drink or two_

_And then I go and spoil it all_

_By saying something stupid_

_Like "I love you"_

 

He was just so open, so purely himself. I couldn't understand it and I felt like my heart was going to explode and melt at the same time. It was overwhelming, how he was being so gentle with me as if I might just break in his arms. As if he was actually telling me this and waiting for a reaction out of me.

 

 

_I can see it in your eyes_

_That you despise the same old lies_

_You heard the night before_

_And though it's just a line to you,_

_For me it's true_

_And never seemed so right before_

 

He dipped me and it was hilarious since he was so short that I was barely leaned down. When I was un-dipped, I could help but laugh and I could tell he was holding one back too. I looked back down to him to see a soft, but crooked grin on his face and I couldn't help but think that I was the cause of it.

 

_I practice every day_

_To find some clever lines to say_

_To make the meaning come through_

_But then I think I'll wait_

_Until the evening gets late and_

_I'm alone with you_

_The time is right,_

_Your perfume fills my head,_

The stars get red and,

Oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying something stupid

Like "I love you"

 

There was a thought in my head as I danced him like this. I knew it, I just didn't want to. I was falling in love with him. And that honestly terrified me. I knew I couldn't let that happen. My heart started pounding harder and I looked down as if there was suddenly something on my feet.

Levi gave me a worried look as the song ended and we stopped dancing. "Um, Eren?" I heard a small voice behind me and I turned to see Armin smiling, but it faltered for a second when he saw my face. I smiled at him but worried that it was painfully fake. "My grandpa needs me home." He said and I knew he was lying. _Thank fuck for Armin._

We said our goodbyes and Mikasa said she'd meet me at home. When I was finally in the car alone with Armin, as I turned out of the neighborhood, he directed me to an abandoned park-and-drive.

"What's up?" Armin asked as he turned to me and sat criss-cross. I took deep breaths as if I could slow my head or heart down. It sounded like my chest was a fucking bird cage.

"I'm so confused right now." I said it quietly, but loud enough that he would hear. I felt weird, like my whole body was way too hot and I couldn't breathe.

"What are you confused about? And don't tell me "nothing". That look on your face wasn't nothing." Armin said. I didn't even know I was making a face.

"I don't know. It's just, Levi was singing and dancing with me and he looked so happy and my stomach did this weird thing where it was like I would puke." I said and he smiled.

"That's awesome!" He said and my head snapped to him.

"No it's not! It was sudden and weird and unexpected." I said and he smirked.

"Eren?"

"And I don't know why I feel this way! He just sang to me. But it was a really sweet song and god, his smile, and it just happened like ten minutes ago and I can't calm down... Shit!" I said and Armin put a hand on my shoulders.

"Eren?"

"It like I don't know what to think! My mind is just fogged and he's all I can think about. Then my heart won't stop pounding and I'm scared. I was thinking some crazy stuff when it happened and I'm just so confused." I said and he shook my shoulder.

"Eren!"

He said and it brought me out of my rant. "Now that I've got your attention," he said with a laugh, "what were you thinking?" He asked and I paused. I really didn't mean to mention that part. I turned to him and bit my lip before turning to him.

"I was thinking that I... love him." I said and his eyes widened, making me turn away. "It's stupid and not true and I'm just gonna try to forget it." I said as I looked the windshield.

"You love him?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No I don't. I don't love him. I won't love him." I said.

"How do you feel around him?" He asked and I answered nervously.

"He makes me... frustrated. And nervous, like I feel like anything I say is idiotic, but he doesn't seem to care. He makes me feel... safe, there's a really warm feeling in my chest when he's with me. He just makes me happy." I said before I realized what I'm said. I look over to Armin to see him smiling softly.

"Eren, you love him." He said with finality and my eyes widened.

"No I don't! Armin, I don't love him! It's stupid and a spur of the moment thought!" I said, but Armin looked decided.

"You're in love. Oh my god." He said and at that point I just started the car. I skipped Armin's house and just took him to my house. Mikasa walked out as I slammed the breaks in my driveway. She looked confused and Armin looked concerned but I didn't give two shits as I went to climb in my tree. _Fuck that, I don't love him. I can't love him._

I settled down and tried to collect my thoughts. _You know, why can't I love him? I mean, would it really be so bad? He wouldn't get hurt, I wouldn't let him. That's what I thought about Thomas. And Mom. And now Dad._

I brought my knees to my chest and started to cry.

_I can't love him._

_Because if I love him,_

_Everything will fall to shit._


	20. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person. I have been so bad about writing and I don't know why, so I'm really sorry. I just wanna thank you guys for putting up with my shitty random pauses, but I'm back now... *awkward runs away for boos*   
> So, this is an odd chapter and it'll make a bit more sense later. Feel free to comment stuff and enjoy!

Mikasa ended up falling asleep on my couch, so I sent Armin a text saying to come over. She needed to sleep and I could tell she was stressing herself out way too much.

She's asleep on my couch right now as Armin knocks on the door. I walk over quietly and answer said door. He's in sweatpants and his hair is down. His large glasses are covering his face and he has a bag of what I expect to be stuff for Mikasa.

"Hey." I whisper and he smiles.

"Thank you so much." He says as he walks in and hugs me.

"It's no problem, I'm just glad she stopped pacing," I say and he laughs lightly, conscious to not wake her up.

"I can imagine the two of you together could wear out a wood floor." He says and I look down. He pulls me into another hug and I lean into it. "Don't worry, Levi, he'll be okay." He says to me.

I pull away from the hug and walk into the kitchen, getting myself a coke. "Want one?" I ask him as he comes into the kitchen too and he shakes his head.

"I'm good, thanks though." He says and I nod to him. I use the bottle opener to open in and nearly drop it as my phone rings. I pull it out of my back pocket to find myself in a state of confusion and relief as I read my phone.

"It's Eren." I say to Armin and he walks over to me.

"Answer it," he says and I comply and press 'accept' before pressing the phone to my ear.

"Eren, are you okay?" I say and I hear a quiet sniffle that just breaks my heart.

"Can you... um... fuck, this is stupid." He says and I fall further into my state of confusion, but Armin smiles softly at the phone now.

"It's okay. What do you need?" I ask and I hear a sigh on the other line.

"Can you come to the dock?" He ask and I pause.

"Yeah, I can come." I say a few seconds later.

He lets out a sigh and then seems to catch himself before speaking again. "Don't think this changes anything." He says and hangs up. I look up to Armin to find him walking over to Mikasa.

"You guys can stay here until she wakes up. She obviously need the sleep." I say and Armin smiles.

"Thanks Levi. Take care of him." He says, but I know he's not hinting at anything, but genuinely saying that and I don't know why it makes me nervous.

I nod to him and grab my keys. It's eleven at night and the air is starting to cool, so I get my jacket before going outside. I get into my car, start it, shift gears, and speed off.

I pulled up to the flat by the pier and see a familiar two-toned truck. I get out of my car as quickly as possible and run halfway down the dock until I see him.

He had his legs to his chest and was weeping loudly. I walk up to him quietly, not wanting to alarm him and slip off my coat to set over his shoulders. I sit down before I wrap an arm around him. I was surprised that he didn't fight it. Just fell into me and cried.

I pulled him close as he bawled and held onto my shirt. Everything felt right even though it was all wrong. It just felt right to hold him, even if he's crying.

I wondered what had happened since it's obvious he's at his breaking point. All I can do is hold him until he realizes who he called and who's holding him and yells at me.

He curls up into me to the point he's nearly in my lap. I lean my head on his before taking out my phone with my free hand to text Armin to say he's okay and I'd take him home. What surprises me is when Eren starts talking.

"God, I'm an asshole. That's Armin or Mikasa, right?" He says with a dry laugh, tears still pouring out.

"You're not an asshole. There must be a reason that you're upset. That you wanted to be alone." I say and he turns his face into my shirt.

"And yet, here you are, holding me like you still should be." He says and I shake my head.

"I'm just here to help. I know you still hate me, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop caring." I say and he leans into me. He doesn't say anything, just continues to cry into me. He grips my shirt and pulls me as close as he can to the point it should be awkward but it's almost a normal feeling despite my dancing heartbeat.

He pushes me back so we're laying down and he's just curled up on top of me. There's something almost comfortable about this, holding him as he cries.

How many times has he done this before? When he lost Hannes? When he lost me? I try not to let my mind stay on that too long. I hold him in silence other than his sobs until he starts to talk.

"I found my dad." He says and looks up at me. That explains why he wants me here. He wants someone to not coddle him. Well, mentally coddle him. I'm already physically cuddling him. He looks down again before continuing.

"He got remarried in a different country. I got a letter from his wife. They had three kids together before he died." He says and lets out a heaving breath. "I flew out last night. He lived in some small town in Japan. He was there illegally, though. They were never married under the state since he wasn't a legal citizen. I went there, met her. She said she was sorry for my loss and that she didn't speak to me sooner. She said he had never mentioned me so she didn't know he had any kids." He says and my heart just breaks.

"I came back a few hours ago. I don't know how to tell Mika. I can't deal with that right now. She's due any day now. I can't do that to her. Why did he do that to her?" He says and I can tell he's about to cry again so I pull him close as he lets out a sob. I hate that man. I don't know how he could have done this to them.

I hold Eren for what feels like hours until the tears start to slow down, me just staring at the stars. I feel him shift on my chest before I hear his scratchy voice. "Levi?" He says and I turn my head to him. He's biting his lip like he does when he gets nervous.

"Yes?" I say and he leans up and kisses my cheek. I feel my eyes widen as he lays his head down on my chest and starts rubbing circles into my shirt, while I'm trying to calm my pounding heart. Why did he do that? He's just tired and broken, that's why he did it. That's it. _But god, I hope it's more than just that._

I notice he's starting to drift off, so I move to get up and carry him to the car, but he grabs my arm. "Can you just stay here?" He asks, eyes desperate in ways I don't really understand, but I comply.

"Of course." I say and he lays practically on top of me until, for the first time in five years, I fall asleep with the man I love in my arms.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I wake up the next morning the sound of water splashing by me. I open my eyes to the sun coming down on me and know I probably have a sunburn. But as I look down, I see that I won't have any bad tan lines since my shirt is gone and my shorts are rolled up a bit. What the hell?

I look up to see Eren climbing on the dock, soaking wet. "Hey, you woke up." He says and I would've said something back, but my voice got caught in my throat. He was standing in front of me without a shirt on and good lord was it a sight.

His abs are defined to the point that it doesn't makes sense for him to be as lean as he is and his skin is practically glowing from the sun reflecting off the water on his skin. Needless to say, he looks really fucking hot as he runs a hand through his long hair. I stand up, avoiding looking at his crotch at all costs and looked the other way, no doubt blushing.

"What's wrong?" He asks innocently, obviously oblivious to my sexual frustration. I turn around to see him only wearing tight briefs. And I mean tight. Like, I can see the outline of his dick. I look up to see him frowning at me. "Seriously?" He says and walks past me towards his truck.

"Eren, I'm sorry, I..."

"Calm down, I'm just getting clothes." He says and looks over his shoulder. "I at least owe you lunch after last night," he says, but something feels wrong.

I pick up my shirt and slide it on, cringing as the fabric scraps on my shoulders. _Dammit, I hate being so pale._ I pull my phone out of my pocket to see that it's noon now. _Wow, I don't think I've slept in that late in years._

I grab the rest of Eren's clothes and my jacket off the dock and walk over to his car and leave them on the trunk and wait by his door until he changes. When he's done, he comes around the corner and leans against the trunk.

"So, wanna go to the Wall?" He asks me and I nod. I open his car door for him and he doesn't look at me as he steps in and slams it shut. _Well he changed moods quickly._ I get in my car as he starts to pull out of the small lot and I follow him.

As soon as we get to the restaurant, Eren gets out and waits for me. As he walks with me, he murmurs something only loud enough for me to hear. "When I said nothing was gonna change, I really hope you listened." He says and I nod.

"Yeah, I know." I say and he walks ahead of me.

"Then stop staring at my ass." He says and I stop for a second before jogging to catch up with him. _What's going on with him?_ We walk inside and I'm surprised to see Annie as out host.

"Hey Lion, table for two?" He asks and her eyes widen.

"Okay, two questions. First, are you two on a date?" She asks and Eren's eyes widen and he shakes his head vigorously. I just shrug, I think his reaction explains it.

"Kay, now, more importantly, where the fuck did you go?" She asks and he looks down and swallows.

"I... um..." Annie looks to me and I shake my head and she takes the hint.

"I'll take you to your table." She says and makes room for Eren to step ahead. Once he's in front, she gestures to her back pocket where I see a phone sticking out and I nod before she shoves her uniform hat at me. _Oh yeah, people._

I nod a thanks to her then quickly shoot her a text as we get to the table. The thing I like about The Wall is that it's practically a Coney Island, but with nicer interior and a bar. It's dark, but not to the point it's weird, but cozy. It also has an outdoor area, but we're sitting in a back corner.

"The usuals for you two?" She asks and I look up at her.

"You remember my usual?" I say and she rolls her eyes.

"Because a cheeseburger is so original." She says and walks away before I can answer. I see Eren pull out his phone and I do the same as I feel mine buzz.

To Annie- Family stuff.

From Annie- Without Mikasa?

To Annie- Yeah. It's rough. He should probably tell you though.

From Annie- Got it.

I look up to Eren to see him making a rather uncomfortable face at his phone. "If you need to take a shit, take one so you don't look quiet so constipated." I say and that's probably the last thing I should've said but it just came out. He glances up at me and he gives me a small smirk.

"Really? You never grew out of it?" He says and I smile to him.

"Why ruin a good thing?" I say and he looks back down at his phone, face morphing into a sad scowl.

"I need to call Mikasa." He says and I nod.

"I'll be here if you need me." I say and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Levi, I need you to understand that literally nothing has changed. You can't stare at my ass and act like we're all buddy-buddy. You're my ex. You dumped me over the phone. I got over it and so did you. Now I owe you lunch and I keeping to that. That's it. So stop looking at me like that." He says and I don't know what just happened to change the conversation that quickly.

"How do I look at you?"

"Like you're a love sick teenager." He says as Annie comes up and puts our drinks on the table. Eren waves to her, but I'm a little to invested in this conversation.

"I do not." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"Oh yes you do, and it's bullshit. I'm so done with you acting like you care and then when you see me in my underwear, so stare like I'm a piece of ass. That's all I am to you so it would be great if you could stop trying to convince me otherwise." He says and I'm literally struck silent. I stare at him for probably a good minute before finding my voice again.

"Do you seriously think that's what I think?" I ask and he nods. Wow.

"I'm not sure whether to be offended or entertained." I say and he looks up to me.

"Can we please just not talk about this?" He asks, but I shake my head.

"I think we need to talk about this."

"We really don't..."

"But you don't get it..."

"You're not making any sense. Can't you just..."

"Just let me tell you why I'm..."

"Levi!" He yells, not really paying attention to the fact we're in a room full of people. They stare, but he doesn't seem to care as he glares at me.

"Sorry." I say and his glare stays even.

"Nothing has changed. It hasn't for me and it sure as hell hasn't for you." He says and gets up.

"I'm calling Mikasa." He mumbles as he walks out of the restaurant and I just know I fucked up. I don't know what, but I fucked up.


	21. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DONT LIKE THIS CHAPTER BUT IT HAD TO HAPPEN. SORRY. LOVE YOU ALL! ENJOY AN ANGSTY CHAPTER BECAUSE I DIDNT. At least there are no triggers except a confused Eren. Bare with me. Enjoy!

I refused to admit it. No. I certainly was not "in love" with Levi. Nope. Never. There was no way I was into that short, angry... smart, shy, really sweet...

I'm getting off topic here.

I knew I didn't love him and that was that. Which is why I didn't understand why my blood boiled when he came in with the tall, sweaty hockey guy.

I was working with Armin when I saw Levi getting pulled by the hand by the guy. Armin and I exchanged a look as he sat across from the guy and leaned forward, looking thoroughly engaged in the conversation. My chest heated up as I saw that.

There was a twinge of feelings I wasn't sure of as I saw Levi place a hand over the other guy's. Something that made me see red as I started to walk over, but Armin grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" He asked, voice filled with surprise.

"Why is he on a date here?" I asked as if Armin knew the answer and he smirked at me.

"Eren Jaeger, are you jealous?" He asked with amusement.

_Jealousy. That's what it was._

WAIT.

"What?! No!" I yelled, attracting stares from Eld and Hannes.

"Eren, it's okay, I know you love..."

"I'm not jealous. How could I be jealous? He's not my type." I interrupted and I swear I've never seen a more 'I-am-so-done-with-your-shit' face in my life.

"Are you seriously gonna try to use that? God, you're a dumbass," he said before pulling out his order book. I watched from the kitchen as Armin took their order until Eld came up and slapped my back, making me jump into some pots.

"Got a hot girl out there?" He said and looked over to where I was looking. His eyes widened and he turned to my with the biggest shit-eating grin I've every seen him wear. And that is saying something.

"You like a boy?" He said and I started sputtering. Fuck, this wasn't going well. I knew Eld wouldn't make a big deal of it, seeing that he's in the closet himself, but Hannes was right there and I thought he was already onto me and...

"Yeah, it's that Levi kid. The shorty with the accent." Hannes said and I nearly fainted. I ran across the kitchen as Hannes kept talking. "It's really cute, Levi always comes in when Eren's working. One time it was just me working and he was in and out so quickly..." I slapped my hand over his mouth, but he just laughed into it.

"How did you know I like him?" I asked before I could process what I said and he continued to laugh, prying my hands off of him.

"Eren, you've been living with me for years. I can read you like a book." He said and I guess that made sense. I had lived with him since I was probably about thirteen and I was seventeen. I scrunched my face in confusion and he laughed and mussed my hair. "It's okay, I've known for awhile. We can talk about it later." He said and I blushed at his words, but nodded as Armin came back with a sheepish smile.

"So, what's the boy like?" Eld asked Armin and I really just wanted to die in a hole, but settled for asking Armin "what's going on?" through my eyes.

He looked down and my heart sank.

"Umm... two burgers with one order of fries." He said and left the kitchen. Eld looked over to me in confusion before he saw what was probably a sour look on my face. I guess Hannes did too since he was the one that spoke up.

"What's wrong, Titan?" He asked, sounding peppy and worried at the same time.

"It's nothing," I said as the front bell rang giving me an out. I worked, serving and busing tables, while avoiding Levi. It shouldn't have been making me so upset, the idea that Levi was on a date. I didn't love him, so why was this bothering me. I wasn't in love with him. Simple. That's what I thought until I got close to their table.

"...in love?" I hear Levi say, as if he was confused.

"Yeah, like really in love. I know it's stupid..."

"No, it's really not. I actually feel the same way..." He said and I cleared the table as quickly as I could and dropped the tray in the sink before going outside and hiding behind the diner.

The diner was in front of a swamp, so the air had a damp quality to it and a musky smell, but I loved it. I slid down until I was sitting and picked up a rock from the gravel. I threw it into the water out of frustration.

_Nope._

_I most definitely was not in love._

I thought that as I started crying.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We were all meeting up at Jean's the next day to talk about spring break. Armin had found me out back, trying to compose myself and instead of saying "I told you so" like I thought he would, he just sat down and out an arm around me until I calmed down enough to go home and change before going.

I walked to the bonfire and have to hold back tears as Levi brings the tall hockey tree and some jacked blond dude. Levi was standing close to the tall guy and whispering something to him. I guess I had stopped and stared, because Armin was next to me, grabbing my wrist. "Hey, let's go." He said and I nodded and let him bring me to the campfire where I went straight to take a shot.

Fuck making plans for spring break, I had to get through the night not looking like a heartbroken idiot. _Wait, I'm not heart broken._ _He didn't have any of my heart to break._

_Or did he?_

We were all hanging out to plan out spring break. It was in two weeks and all we knew was we wanted a road trip. It was at a bonfire at Jean's house since he had the good whiskey and his parents weren't home.

So here we were, bottle remaining unopened until we figured out a plan. "What 'bout cedar point?" Sasha asked and Connie shook his head.

"The lines will be crazy long," he said and we all nodded.

"What about we go to a cabin?" Petra suggested.

"I have a vacation home in Los Angeles," Jean said.

"That sounds cool," Farlan said and Marco nodded.

"All in favor of that, say aye," Erwin said and everybody but Oluo said 'aye'.

"What are we gonna do there? Vacation is like two weeks long." He said.

"I can get us into a music fest not too far from there. We could stay here for the first week of break, spend the weekend at the fest, then drive out to Jean's place," Levi said and everybody looked to him.

"Which fest?" Annie asked and Levi looked down.

"Um, Stagecoach. It's a country fest," he said and we all turned to him.

"Isn't that like a really big fest? How can you get us in?" Mikasa asked and he still didn't look up.

"I know a guy. Trust me on this," he said and pulled out his phone. "I can make a call right now," he said and Farlan looks at him nervously.

"Okay, but it seems unlikely to get enough tickets for..." Mikasa counts us off. "Nineteen people." She said and he waved her off as he stands.

"I said to trust me." He said and walked a good distance. Everybody started talking as I listened to him speak in the phone.

"Hey... Yeah, this is him... Yup, I'll do it if you get me eighteen tickets... Perfect, just send me the details... Kay bye." He said and walked over.

"And you all have tickets," he said and sat back down.

"How the hell..."

"Seriously?" Isabel interrupted Connie and Levi nodded. "You all better count yourselves lucky," Isabel said and I had a feeling there was something but we were all missing.

I took three more shots and honest felt nothing. It was funny how many people were lightweights. Everybody but Mikasa, Jean, Annie and I was at least tipsy. We were playing truth or dare.

Pretty much what had happened before is Connie was dared to strip, which he did... quite seductively, actually, Jean and Marco made out (not on a dare), Farlan talked about his first kiss, which has lead to many other things, and Ymir admitted she stole a dildo from a grocery store. Don't know what grocery store sells dildos...

"Okay, Levi. It's your turn," Ymir said and Levi smirked. He was a goofy drunk.

"Okay, truth," he slurred.

"Hottest person here," she half asked, half commanded. She was a sharp druck. Her mind wasn't affected as much as her motor skills.

"Oh easy. Eren." He said and pointed to me. I felt my face flush, but pretended not to hear him as I took another shot. A fifth wouldn't hurt. I take the shot and feel the burning down my throat and my body gets warm, but my mind still is crazy.

 _I'm the hottest one here?_ _Fuck, why does that make me feel more than the whiskey does._ Doesn't matter, _he has a boyfriend._

Armin shoots me a confused look that I again ignore due to the fact I was pissed and just trying to get drunk. That so hard? I looked over to Levi to see him a bit confused, then I turn away before he could say anything.

Yes I was mad. For some reason, some unexplainable reason, he was a huge part of my life. I was used to him and now he had a boyfriend and it just didn't sit right with me. I think it was somewhere around my sixth shot that my mind started relaxing and I also seemed to be called right around there.

"Eren, truth or dare?" Hanji asked and I thought for a second before choosing truth. "Have you ever been in love?"

"Yes." I said and everyone turned to me.

"No way! The Lone Wolf fell in love?" Oluo said and I rolled me eyes.

"Don't call me that." I said and got up.

"Where are you going? You have to tell us who it is!" Isabel asked and I glanced at her over me shoulder.

"Was. Who it was. I already answered the question. I'm passing on asking." I said and walked down to the beach.

_Was. Past tense. As in I'm not in love with Levi currently and my boyfriend died a lonely death. Remember what happened last time? You'd just screw it up again._

I bit my lip and held back tears as I ripped my shirt and shorts off and go into the water. My boxers were long, so they cover enough. I just needed to clear my head. Which was awful hard when I heard the voice of the very person I was avoiding.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" He asked and I kept swimming out. I didn't need this from him.

"Are you ignoring me?" He asked and I just kept swimming.

"Eren, would you please just come out?" He asked and I stopped. His voice had something in it that I hadn't heard until that point. He sounded desperate. Like he needed me. And that just pissed me off all the more. I turned around and stood up since I wasn't that far into the water.

"Why? Why shouldn't I go and swim?" I asked.

"Because it's dangerous and I'm the closest person here."

"Why couldn't you just save me if a was drowning?" I asked and he paused. "That's right, you don't care enough to. Leave me alone." I said and turned around.

"Stop!" He said and, hesitantly, I did stop. "I would save you, but I'm terrified of the ocean, so don't you dare make me." He said and I saw red as I turned around and stomped up to him.

"You know what I'm terrified of? This! Exactly what happened!" I said and I could tell he was confused about what I was talking about and relieved I was out of the water.

"What are you..."

"Thought you'd bring your boyfriend to work to shove him in my face? And then bring him here? Then act all buddy-buddy with everyone like you're not driving me insane?" I said and he looked genuinely confused.

"What boyfriend?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"You know exactly what boyfriend! I can't go through something like this again!" I said and he calmed down.

"Eren..."

"Don't." I said and grabbed my clothes and moved to storm off, but he grabbed my arm.

"What the hell are you talking about? I only want to be with..."

"I get it! Go be with him! See if I give a shit." I said and tried to get my arm out of his grasp, but he seemed mad now.

"Why do you even care?" He snapped and I ripped my arm successful before turning back and saying just above a whisper.

"Because I can't have my heart broken again." I said and his eyes widened. I turned away from him and walked away, not looking back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I made a point to avoid Levi as much as possible. I would avoid him in English, in the hall, even when he came to the restaurant I would be short with him. I ignored the hurt look on his face as I did so.

Armin and Mikasa were starting to worry about me, I could tell. They were over in my room with Chinese takeout and the movie Grudge. I've seen it so many times and it's so stupid that it makes me laugh. I was rather quiet that night.

I was laying with my head in Mikasa's lap as she played with my hair. Probably the funniest death in the movie, the dude on the stairs, was about to happen and I couldn't bring myself to be amused at his impending death. I was drawing patterns in Mikasa's jeans when she suddenly pauses the movie.

"Okay, we need to talk. I feel like you both know something I don't." She said and I sighed. I wanted to tell Mikasa, but that involved talking about it and that just made it all the more real. I haven't even told Armin what I heard and he understands why I'm like this.

"It's nothing, Mika." I said and she shifted slightly.

"You've been acting weird for a few days now and Armin won't tell me why, so I'm not leaving until I find out." She said and crossed her arms defiantly. _Shit, she's not gonna give on this._

"Well... I..."

"Eren's in love." Armin said and I jolted up.

"Am not!"

"Then why are you so upset Levi was on a date?"

"I'm not upset..."

"You like a boy?!" Mikasa interrupted our argument to remind us that she didn't know I was gay.

Right.

"Um..." She was staring at me with wide eyes and a slackened jaw, shock written all over her face. "Mika... I'm gay." I said and she nodded.

"I fucking guess so. How long have you known? And how long have you known?" She asked, addressing me then Armin. I decide to cover his ass and explain the whole thing. By the time I was done, Mikasa was hugging me.

"Oh my god." Was all she said before pulling back and slapping me. "Never hide something like that from me again." She said and I nodded, then laughed as she also slapped Armin. "So... you've had a boyfriend before and you're now in love with another guy."

"Not in love." I corrected and Armin glared at me.

"So what's the problem here?" She asked and Armin and I both looked down.

"I-I think he's dating... um, that Bert guy." I said and Mikasa paused before laughing. Like, full on cackling. It was actually quite offending, so I glared at her until she noticed and sobered up.

"You mean Bertolt Hoover? The same guy that Annie just invited as her boyfriend for Spring Break?" She said and my jaw dropped.

"That makes no sense! I saw them on a date!" I said and Mika rolled her eyes.

"Well, Levi was the one to set Annie and Bert up." She said and I looked over to Armin, who was looking at the blanket thoughtfully.

"That makes a lot of sense actually." He said and looked up at me. "They were talking about love and stuff. Maybe they were talking about Annie." He said and I shook my head.

"Then why was Levi saying he loves him too?" I ask and Mikasa puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Did you ever specifically hear him say 'I love you' to Bert?" She asks and I think.

"Well, no, but he was saying he felt the same way." I said and Mika looked to Armin, who was smiling.

"Maybe he was talking about you." She suggested and I stared at incredulously.

"There's no way." I said and Armin shrugged.

"I mean, it explains a lot." He said and I shook my head.

"He's not into me that way. And who said I was into him that way?"

"You, like two minutes ago." Armin said and I paused.

_Oh. Well fuck._

"Well I never said I loved him." I said and Armin rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he was shoving it into my face. On it was a picture of Levi and I dancing in his living room. And wow, we looked like a couple if I've ever seen one.

He's smiling up to me, his eyes looking bright and I'm stopping my laugh, head thrown back a bit. We looked as in love as two people could be. I pulled it out of his hands and looked at it.

"He always looks at you like that." Armin said and I dropped it.

"Fuck." I said and Mika wrapped her arms around me. She was handling this very well and I loved her for it.

"Maybe you should talk to Jean. He had basically the same problem." She said but I rolled my eyes.

"But neither of them are out of the closet." I said and she nodded.

"True, but it couldn't hurt." She said and I looked down.

"Fine." I said with no intention of talking to him about it. Jean understood, but not really. Marco was his first love and they were okay with being a secret. If I dated Levi, it wouldn't be since he's already out.

I looked down in thought as I felt my phone ring in my pocket. I looked down to see that it was just the man we were taking about. Mikasa smiled at me and unpaused the movie.

"You go, Armin and I can finish this." She said and shooed me off the bed. I stepped into the hallway and answered my phone.

"Hey." I said and heard a sigh on the other line.

"Eren, I'm not dating him and I really want to see you." He said and I paused. _Was it worth it? Was it all worth falling apart again?_

"I don't know, Levi." I said.

"I need to know. Do you like me?" He said and I stopped.

"I have to go." I said and hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	22. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll! Here's the new chapter! I binge wrote or more so have a binge writing worthy idea, so we'll just see how many chapter I post this weekend. Anyway, enjoy!!!

Lunch was basically silent after that. I couldn't think of anything to say and Eren had obviously said what he needed to. So as soon as we were done, he walked out as quick as he could. Before he could go, I stood in front of his car so he could move. He glared at me before rolling down his window.

"What?" He bit, but I didn't care.

"I'm gonna prove you wrong." I said and walked away, not waiting to see his reaction.

Now I'm hanging with Farlan, laying down on his bed and finishing some planning for the vow renewal this week. It's nice to throw myself into work, but I'm also rather upset with myself. Not only did I fuck up with Eren, but I haven't written a single line of music since we got here.

"So is it cheesy or cute if I get Magnolias?" I ask and Farlan laughs, laying next to me on the bed.

"Naw, it's cheesy, but still cute." He says and I turn to him.

"So, yes or no to the flowers?" I ask.

"Yes, it works." He says and I nod and look at the laptop I'm working on.

"So... how's Eren?" He asks and I sigh. Farlan and I have drifted apart a bit since he realized I wanted to come back. Or rather, that I never wanted to leave in the first place. I know he feels guilty, but he shouldn't. It was my decision and I don't regret it. I just wish it could've been different.

"Still hates me and now he's mourning his dad." I say and his head snaps to me.

"Wait, they found his dad?" He asks and I mentally slap myself.

"Yeah, but don't tell anyone." I say and he nods.

"That's probably why Isabel hasn't been answering my texts all afternoon." He says and I smile. Typical. I close the laptop and turn on my back.

"So, how is business?" I ask and I feel him stiffen next to me.

"Well... um... I'm thinking about quitting." He says and suddenly I'm sitting up.

"What? Why?" I ask and he smiles sheepishly.

"Well, Isabel wants to settle down. We're having our second kid. I was thinking of opening a business and getting a degree online." He says and sits up next to me.

"But don't you want something stable?" I ask, suddenly feeling like a parent to my older brother.

"I have enough money put aside. I think it would be good to have a place to call home. Plus, Kenny isn't getting any younger and you're probably gonna have to go on tour again." He says and I freeze at that. Sometimes I wish he wasn't so practical. I think he notices my hesitation and puts an arm around me.

"You know you're always gonna be my little, big bro. I just think it's time I did something on my own. You've been nothing but good to us and we shouldn't have had to be so reliant on you." He says and I lean my head on his shoulder.

"I wouldn't have wanted it any other way." I say and I know that just with that out of the way, we're back to normal.

"Farlan?"

"Levi?"

"I don't want to go on tour again. I don't wanna do all that again without him." I say and he nods.

"I get it. Rico would hate me for saying this, but you don't have to if you don't want to." He says and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I think I still want to, but not until I have him. And at this point, I don't even know if that's possible." I say and he squeezes my shoulder before letting go and falling back.

"You know, I knew you loved him, but I didn't know it was this much. If I would've known, I would've never let you do it." He says and I laugh.

"Same here." I say and he shoots me a confused look. "I knew I loved him, I just figured I'd be able to get over him. I didn't know it was possible to not be able to get over someone. But here I am, five years later, and I'm still as smitten as Oluo was with Petra." I say and he barks out a laugh.

"True that." He says and I actually feel a lot better about this whole thing.

"I feel like I have to make amends with some people before I can get him." I say and he nods.

"Jean and Mikasa. The others don't matter. It's them that matter." He says and I make a face of disgust.

"Why Jean?" I whine and he looks confused again.

"I though you'd be more scared about Mikasa." He says and I shake my head.

"No, I think we've met mutual grounds." I say and he smiles.

"Good, she is your cousin." He says and I laugh for a second before my mind wanders to another subject.

"I can't tell if it's good or bad that Isabel is so close to Eren or not. The one time she got involved was not pretty." I say.

"I think it's good. She knows both of you better than you know yourselves. She's good with people like that. Same with that Arlert. Sweet kid, but scary as fuck." He says and I laugh.

"Ain't that the truth. But he wants me to get back together with Eren too." I say and he turns to me.

"Then you might have more luck than you think."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I decided to go to the studio and record a cover. It was the least I could do at the moment and there was a studio nearby. I don't know if I still have a record deal or not, so I might just become self-employed.

I call up Historia because I just need someone to hang out with and help me pick this out while avoiding... a certain topic to be dealt with later this week. As soon as Historia gets to my apartment, she slams the door after using my spare key.

"I can't believe her!" She says and flops next to me on the couch.

"Is this a problem for serious Levi or gay friend Levi?" I ask and she doesn't even crack a smile.

"Shit, what happened?" I ask and and grabs a pillow and curls up into it.

"Ymir doesn't want to get married." She says.

"I'm sorry, am I missing something? She's crazy about you?" I say and she groans.

"She's not breaking up with me, she just doesn't see the point in becoming married." She says and I nod. Now that sounds like Ymir.

"Why do you want to so bad?" I ask and she looks down.

"I just want to." She says and I roll my eyes.

"That's not a reason, now why is it?" I say and she laughs bitterly.

"Nothing gets past you," she says and turns to me. "I want people around here to know that yes, I do belong to a girl and I'm happy showing that to the world." She says and I smile.

"I understand. It's beautiful too, but maybe she thinks that you already have that right now." I say and she looks down.

"You know, she never had a real family. She was always switching foster houses and never felt truly at home. I just want to give her that." She says and I feel like I'm listening to some romantic movie scene.

"Maybe all she needs is you. That doesn't mean you should give up your wedding if you really want it, just understand where she comes from. Then find a compromise." I say and she smile.

"You're good at advice, you know that?" She says and I laugh.

"Thanks, brat. You good?" I ask and she lunges on me and hugs me.

"Yeah, I'm good." She says and I laugh at her and flip is so I'm pinning her down. She looks up at me and smirks. "And to think we're both gay." She says and I slap her head lightly and get off of her.

"Little shit. Now, help me." I say and she pulls out her phone.

"Okay, I have a few ideas for songs." She says and flips through it.

"How about Don't Ya?" She asks and I cringe.

"People know I'm gay not. I'm not singing about a man in jorts." I say and she laughs.

"This might take awhile if you're still thinking country songs then." She says.

"I could always sing a girls song and take it down an octave." I say and she nods before clicking something on her phone.

"Before we go to that, I have an idea, but it's not country." She says and I scoot closer as she plays the song. It's good. It's really good. And I know there's a specific reason she's choses this song. "You could kill two birds with one stone." She says and I rolled my eyes.

"I told you I really didn't want to talk about Eren." I say and she nods.

"I know, but this is your actually best interest." She says and replays the song.

"It's not a fix, but it might be good."


	23. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! You guys got me to 1k hits and it means the world to me, so thank you so much! So here's a pretty fluffy and just big chapter all together! It's sad and happy at the same time and I hope you guys like it! Enjoy!

The next day, I had the late shift due to my baseball game. It was on a Thursday, the last before spring break, so it was relatively empty. I was working with a table of teenaged girls when Levi walked in and stormed up to me.

"We need to talk." He said and grabbed my arm to drag me into the kitchen. Luckily it was late enough that those girls were the only ones left, so I turned to him and sighed.

"Give me a second. Just let me get them their bills." I said and he nodded with gritted teeth. I worked as quickly as I could. I needed to figure this out with him. The girls looked a bit confused as I rushed them a bit, but didn't comment. I walk behind the counter to see Levi.

"How did you get here? I thought Farlan got mad the last time you borrowed his car this late." I said and he glared at me.

"I got a new car, which you would've know if you hadn't been ignoring me all week. And why the hell did you hang up on me like that last night?" He asked and I looked down. I hear the door chime, but ignore it to finish the conversation.

"Levi..."

"You hung up on me after I asked you if you liked me! I just needed a no, you didn't have to twist the knife."

"Levi, it's not like that." I said quietly as he stops ranting.

"Then what is it Eren? And don't dance around the subject." He asked gently as though the answer might hurt him.

"I don't not like you." I say and turn to him. "And that's a problem for me." I say and his face falls.

"Why?" He asks, voice weak in a way I've never heard.

"I have my reasons. Can you please just respect them?" I said and turned away, not ready for the response. What surprised me was that he put a hand on my back.

"It's okay. I'm gonna wait for you." He says as I looked at him. He had a small smile on his face and he was a bit flushed.

I think he realized he had a chance.

And I realized it too.

He went on his tiptoes and kissed my cheek before turning to walk out. When he was in the door to the kitchen, he stops and turns back. "Just don't push me away." He said to me and turned around and left.

When I thought I was alone, Hannes suddenly showed up. "Well that was deep." He said and walked into his office. What the hell? I followed behind him and sat down on his desk.

"How much did you hear?" I asked and he sighed.

"Practically all of it." He said and I nodded.

"So, I like a boy." I said and he shook his head.

"No, you love this boy." He said and I shook my head too.

"Have you been talking to Armin?" I asked and he laughed.

"No, he just knows you well." He said and he sat next to me and put a hand on my knee.

"Let me tell you a story. When I was young, I fell madly in love with a women. She was kind, beautiful, gentle, and everything I never knew I wanted so badly. I was so hung up on her, but she loved someone else. I never got over her, even after she passed on, but I now have two wonderful kids, even if they're not my own, and I'm happy. After your mom died, I saw what it did to you. You closed yourself off and wouldn't let anyone see what you were thinking. Same with after Thomas."

"You knew about Thomas?" I stopped him and he laughed.

"I'm not as oblivious as your friends." He said and I had a feeling he just knew me really well. Armin didn't even figure it out.

"Anyway, you cut yourself off because you think it's your fault, even though it's not. It's your very being to feel like you should've saved them. You're too good for your own good. And now, there's a boy outside who you're falling in love with and you need to let yourself love him." He said and I just stared openly at him. Just gawking at him. He laughed and patted my back.

"I hope that helped." He said and I just threw my arms around him as I felt tears start to build up. He kept his arm on my shoulder as I started to cry.

"Are you being honest? Was it really not my fault?" I asked and he pulled me closer.

"No, it wasn't. You were so young when your mother died and you grew up much too fast. Thomas was just tragic and no one deserves that." He said and I think life's funny that way. Sometimes, you get the light you need when you need it most. Sometimes you don't even realize you're in the dark.

I curled closer to him and he rubbed my back calmingly. It wasn't long until it hit me. "Was it mom?" I asked and he let out a dry laugh.

"And here I thought you were the oblivious one." He said and I straightened up to look at him. "I loved her very much, but sometimes it doesn't work the way you want it. Sometimes it's better. Because now I have you and Mika." He said and I smiled and looked down, suddenly feeling a bit guilty. He put a hand on my shoulder and shook me a bit.

"I'm gonna tell you something that you need to take to heart. Don't deny yourself love. Go out there with open arms and go after him." He said and I knew he was right.

I knew I needed to let myself be in love with him. But I didn't know how. I was so scared. So, I decided to do something I really didn't want to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I got in my car and drove a familiar path. I hated it. I hated doing this so much. But I soon found myself at Jean's house, knocking on his door. I didn't see Marco's car, so I figured I was safe.

It was pretty late at night, like ten o'clock, so he's probably pissed. He came to the door with a scowl and his eyes widen when he opened the door.

"Jaeger?"

"I need your help." I said and he nodded before going back inside and coming out with shoes on.

"What's up?" He asked. I know Jean and I have always had our arguments, but we were friends. Despite everything, I knew he was there for me and I was there for him.

"When did you know?" I said as I started to pace his porch.

"Be a little most specific." He said and I rolled my eyes. I didn't have time for this. Well, I did, but I wanted to figure this out right then.

"With Marco. How did you know you were willing to risk it?" I asked and his face changed from annoyance to sympathy.

"Why are you asking this?" He asked and I stopped. I didn't meet his eyes as I said it.

"I'm gay, Jean." I heard him take a sharp breath and walk over to me.

"Let's go somewhere else. This might take awhile." He said and put a hand on my shoulder before walking towards my truck. I joined him in my car and we drove to the pier. I figured it be a safe place to talk alone and not be listened in on. We walked out to the end of the dock and sat down.

"So, you're gay?" He said and I laughed.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I just told you that." I said and he elbowed me.

"I though you wanted my help, asshole." He said and I smiled at the fact he was still being lighthearted. _Maybe this was a good idea._

I turned to him, one of my legs hanging over the edge while the other is tucked under me. "So, I like... this guy..."

"Cut the shit, Jaeger, you can't just not tell me who it is." He said and I bit my lip.

"Well, I like Levi." I said and pause for a reaction, but he only nodded.

"So what's the problem? He obviously likes you." He said and I blushed deeply.

"Jean, I've only had one boyfriend before..."

"Wait. You've had a boyfriend before?" He said, obviously confused.

"Yeah... I dated Thomas..." I said and looked to the water.

"Oh man, I'm sorry." He said and put a hand on my shoulder, but I turned away and faced the ocean.

"I don't know what to do. Thomas died after he came out. And that hurt so bad." I said and tears threatened to pour out.

"Who all knows you were dating?" He asked.

"Mikasa and Armin. I told her a few days ago and I kind of needed to explain to Armin why I fainted when I found him." I said with a dry laugh. "I never wanted to date another guy. I wanted to find a girl and pretend to be straight and maybe everything would be okay. But it wouldn't be. Jean, I love Levi. How sad is that?" I said as the tears actually came from my eyes.

Jean moves to sit shoulder to shoulder with me and wraps an arm around me. "It's not sad. I get it. Have you told Levi?" He asked and I shook my head.

"No. He'll get hurt or I'll get hurt and I'm scared to have my heart broken again." I said as my shoulders started to shake. "I can't do this, though. I can't just be his friend. I don't know what to do." I said and he pulled me closer.

"It's okay," he said as I started to weep. He was being surprisingly kind about this whole thing and man was I grateful. He held onto me until I calmed enough to talk again.

"I can't fall in love again, Jean. I can't do it. But, god, I want him." I said and he nodded his head, which was on top of mine. It just hurt. It hurt so bad and I wanted nothing more than to be with Levi, but it hurt enough then and he'd been nothing but good to me.

"Eren, you deserve to be happy," he said and I shook my head.

"Either way, I'm unhappy. I hide who I am or I get my heart broken." I said and turned to him.

"Who said Levi's going to break your heart?" He said and I paused at his words. _Would Levi break my heart? Would he be good for me? Good to me?_ It all seemed too good to be true.

"If he doesn't hurt me, someone hurts him. And I can't let that happen. Why is this so hard?" I said and leaned into him. I knew I was being whiny, but I was so confused. On one hand, I had my original plan, fake straight, or I could tell Levi and risk everything that follows.

If you would've asked me this before I met Levi, it'd be an easy choice, but now, pretending I'm straight means not being with the man I love. Something about that feels so unnatural to me. You be with the person you love, that's how it's supposed to go. Is a life-long love even possible anymore?

All I knew is that I wanted it and I wanted it with Levi. Because I was in love with him.

_Fuck. I was so in love with him._

And it would be worth it to be with him. I wanted to listen to Hannes, but I was scared. I wanted him to be right. I still wish he was right.

"Eren, I know this probably won't mean a lot, but I always admired how strong you've always been. You were there for all of us after Thomas even though we all knew he was closest to you and you helped Mikasa and Hannes after your mom and when your dad left. I get you're worried, but if Levi is gonna hurt you, he's not even worth it." He said and I looked up to be him shyly smile down at me.

"Thank you," I said before I tilted my head up to him and kissed his chin, leaving him blushing. It's not romantic, but I kind of dropped a lot of bombs on him so I don't blame him. He put his chin on top of my head and we sat like that until it his phone started vibrating. He broke our embrace to pull out his phone.

"Shit dude, I forgot I was meeting up with Marco," he said and got up.

"Okay, I'll drive you back to your place." I said and he nodded before biting his lip.

"Um... Eren? Is it okay if I... um... tell Marco?" He asked as we started walking back. "I wouldn't be asking if I didn't need an excuse on why I'm late, and honesty is the best policy." He added quickly and I laughed.

"Yeah. Maybe it's time people knew."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The notes in my locker kept coming. It was just someone who left me love poem. A romantic too if their words were anything to go by. To be honest, it was really sweet. But I knew I couldn't let it keep happening. So the Monday after the first note, I left a note back.

 

_I think you have the wrong person._

 

I left the note in my locker and was surprised that by the end of art, I had an answer.

 

_I'm positive you're the one._

 

I couldn't help but blush as I read it. There are so many ways that could be taken that it made me nervous.

 

_Why me?_

 

I asked him and he just left a phone number. I sat in english and thought about what to text the person. Armin noticed, because he scooted closer and looked on the screen.

"Who are you talking to?" He said and I looked away.

"Um, I don't know." I said and his smirk drops.

"What do you mean?" Marco asked.

"They just told me to text this number." I said and Armin rolled his eyes.

"How did they do it?" He asked.

"Calm your sassy ass. I've been getting notes in my locker."

"Hey Eren? What does this mean?" Levi said, looking up from his book and scooting closer. I looked down and skimmed the monolouge.

"Benedick is going to propose to Beatrice because he think she loves him so he admits he loves her." I said and he looked up with slightly wider eyes.

"Oh. Okay." He said before looking back down to read.

"So what have these notes said." Armin asked and I look down.

"Well, they're love poems." I said and Marco and Armin looked at each other and smirked.

"What?" I asked and they laughed.

"So, Levi? What do you have to say about this?" Armin asked and he looked up in innocent confusion.

"Um, sorry, I wasn't listening. I'm just really getting into this story. The fact that Benedick goes from being against love to happily falling in it, it's interesting." He said and looked down to the book. Marco's grin grew and Armin fell backwards laughing while I just stared at them, totally lost I looked back to Levi who had a smirk on his face as he read and I was just way too confused.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was the night before we were leaving. A lot of my friends went out to watch the meteor shower, but decided to stay back. I was sitting at my tree just collecting my thoughts when someone called up to me.

"You know, one of these days, you're gonna fall." A deep voice said and I looked down to see Levi with a guitar strapped to his back. My heart was pounding as I saw the crooked grin on his face.

"I'm pretty sure you're the one that sucks at climbing trees." I said and climbed to the lowest branch, hanging upside down.

"Show off." He said and I laughed and jumped all the way down.

"So, what's up?" I asked as I hit the ground and stood up, shaking the dirt off of my pants.

"Just wanted to hang out with you before we left. Plus I need your help with something." He said and pulled his guitar to his front before sitting down. I sat down next to him, criss-crossed, and leaned forward to watch his fingers.

"I didn't know you played." I said as he started strumming lightly and he looked at his hands.

"It's not really that important." He said, but his tone sounded rushed and forced.

"Well, I play too. Well, more so dabble." I said and he looked up and smiled.

"Perfect. Because I'm writing a song and I'm stuck." He said and I looked up at him in surprise.

"You write songs?" I asked and he looked away, blushing.

"Yeah, a bit. But I'm stuck on the chorus." I said as he started picking at it. He was good. He played some chords then stopped.

"So I was thinking a _d_ chord, then an _a_ chord, then a _em_ , then a _g_ , but I feel like that's a bit boring." He said. I took the guitar from him and set my fingers up.

"If you want to stay with chords like those, how about _em_ , _d_ , _g_ , _a_." I said as I played and he nodded.

"I like that. I'd have to end the song on a different note though. I hate ending songs on an a." He said and I laughed.

"So, is that what you always do in that notebook?" I asked and he looked down. I guess I nailed it.

"Don't tell anyone. It's kind of a surprise." He said and I nodded. I know how stupid it was that I still had no idea, but it was outlandish to believe that Levi was actually Levi Ackerman, so I was rather clueless at the time. I was just caught up in Levi. The one I knew. The one I loved.

I set the guitar down and did something that surprised both of us. I scooted next to Levi and set my head on his shoulder, right next to his neck. He melted into me and put his arm around me as we watched the stars fall. It was perfect. I watched as the stars fell with someone I loved.

I loved him.

And I was ready to love him.

I glanced over at him and saw him already looking at me. His eyes were different, a grey-blue that shown in the starlight. He leaned forward so that his forehead was leaning on mine and his lips were in front of mine, not touching, but close enough I could feel his breath.

"Eren?"

"Yes?"

"I'm in love with you." He said and my eyes widened.

"Levi... I..."

"Please hear me out." He said and I stopped. "I know you might not be ready for anything, but I want to tell you this. I didn't believe in love until I met you. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way, but I do. I'll wait until you're ready, but I wanted to tell you that I love you. I know it sounds crazy, I mean, I've only know you for a few months, but here I am." He said and the whole time my head was spinning. His words, his breath on my lips, everything about him was intoxicating. I wanted to lean forward and kiss him, hold him close until he knew that I loved him too. But I couldn't do it. Not yet.

So I moved my head and kissed his cheek before putting my head back on his shoulder and curling my legs so that they're over his. He tighten his hold on me and kissed the top of me head.

I was lucky that he understood me well enough now to know I wasn't turning him down. I sat there with him in a peace I hadn't felt in ages. Not just because of Levi, but because of what Hannes had said. It wasn't my fault. Maybe he's right. Nobody had ever blamed me for their deaths, but no one had ever told me it wasn't my fault. I felt like just hearing that washed my hands of it, even just enough to feel alive. But being with Levi was just the icing on the cake.

In that moment, nothing else mattered. Nothing else mattered because I was free. So I listened to his beating heart and his breath as he slipped into sleep. I glanced up to see the childlike innocence in his face and nearly fell in love again.

There was still so much I didn't know about Levi, but I wanted to. I wanted to know about his past, what made him who he is.

"I love you too." I whispered to him, but he didn't move and I was relieved that he was asleep. I'll tell him for real sometime. I moved him so that he was laying down and curled up next to him.

He, still asleep, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer and I knew something about this was just right. So I laid down and fell asleep on his chest, enjoying the way it rose and fell in rhythm with my own.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I woke up the next day still on top of Levi. He was playing with my hair as I laid on his chest. I turned my head up and he looked down at me. "Hey Bright Eyes." He said and I looked down as blood rushes to my face. _This boy did things to me I didn't even understand._

"Hey City Boy," I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Funny." He said and moved down so we were face to face. "I don't wanna go." He said, voice sounding too nervous for a spring break trip.

"It'll be fun." I said and he looked down.

"Yeah. Fun." He said and I kissed his forehead. His head darted up quickly and his face turn pink.

"Is this about the ocean?" I asked and he looked to the side. "Um, yeah." He said. "Do you mind if I ask why you're scared of it?" I asked and he looked up at me.

"Sure, but it's a bit of a long story." He said and I moved my head back on his chest.

"We have time." I said.

"No we don't, but I'll tell you in the car." He said and I nodded.

"When do we have to leave? And are you packed?" I asked.

"We leave in like ten minutes and yes, I packed." He said and I jolted up.

"Fuck, I have to get my stuff." I said and he laughed.

"Okay. You mind if I leave my car here?" He asked and the thought made me stupidly happy. That he'd park his car there like it was his home too.

"Yeah," I'll be right back." I said and ran in to get my stuff. Mikasa had spent the night at Armin's so that he would just drive her after, so only Hannes was home. I ran upstairs and grabbed my stuff before changing into a grey and black flannel, rolling the sleeves, and a pair of black shorts. After that, I went to the living room where Hannes was.

"I'm leaving for the trip." I said to him and he stood up and walked over to me.

"So, you fell asleep all alone out there?" He asked with a smirk and I looked down with a flush.

"I think you know who else was out there." I said and he smiled.

"You better have a boyfriend by the time you're back." He said and I was stuck between smiling and gulping.

"I think I might." I said and he pulled me into a hug.

"Bye Titan." He said and I hugged him back.

"Bye Hannes." I said and he let go.

"Be safe." He said and I smiled.

"I will." I said and turned to get my stuff. I waved at him from the door and went outside. Levi was standing under the tree with a cigarette in his mouth.

"You smoke?" I asked and he turned to me.

"A bit. I'm quitting, but it's gradual. I'm down to two a week." He said and I smiled.

"Not too shabby." I said and he laughed.

"Come on, we have to go." He said and turned around to walk away. Before I followed him, I leaned against the tree and looked up at the sky.

"Hey Mom. So, if you didn't know, I'm gay." I said when I knew he was far enough he couldn't hear me. I knew I was being stupid, but I needed to say this to her.

"I'm falling in love. I'm falling for a great guy. His name is Levi. He's... amazing. He's kind, honest, and I don't think he's gonna hurt me. I feel safe with him." I said and looked down. "I think you'd like him. I wish you were here and it hurts everyday." I said and I thought of Hannes and something he said.

"But I think it's time I tried living again." I hear a honk behind me and turn to see Levi with a cigarette in his mouth, leaning on the car and honking the horn.

"Armin texted me. The others just left and we need to meet them at the grocery store." He yelled over to me and I nodded before looking up and smiling to the sky one last time.

"That's him. I love you so much and I'll see you someday. Bye Mom." I said and ran over to where Levi was and got in the car.

He stomped out his cigarette before following suit, buckling next to me. "Ready?" He asked and I started the car.

"Yeah, I think I am."


	24. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *turns around in chair* Oh hi! I didn't see you there... Yeah, I'm sorry.what started at writers block and no motivation turned into a potential third story and many more chapters in this one. My problem? I couldn't write this chapter. Am I fully happy with this chapter? Not entirely, but you guys need something and I'm stoked for the next chapter. Idk how much I I'm gonna post, but it will be MUCH more frequently since I haven't posted in a month. Again, I'm so so sorry. So I hope you kind of like this chapter and get as mad at Levi as he is with himself. Enjoy!

The more I think about, the more I know it can bite me in the ass. Jean always hated me, so this is gonna be tough. Mikasa and I were on good terms at the time, her actually RSVPing to the vow renewal which is today.

Jean, on the other hand, had a complex relationship with Eren. They had a love-hate relationship that was a strange amount of understanding between the them.

I'm organizing everything when Isabel comes up to me. "What's going on?" She asks as I set a table.

"Go put something nice on. It's a surprise." I say and glance at her to see her concerned face.

"What did you do?" She asks and I laugh.

"It wasn't me, it was Farlan. Just trust me." I say and she still looks confused, but nods and walks away. Although it probably wasn't smart to do this in Kenny's backyard while Isabel and Farlan were looking for a house. Isabel turns around one more time and looks nervous as she does so.

"And... um... why is she here?" She says and look over to where she's gesturing.

Have you ever done something stupid? Like, really stupid? Want to never think of it again stupid? Make you want to just off a cliff?

That's how I feel about about her. Who is "her"? Her name is Tina. And she was my cover. We only "dated" for a month or so and we had a contract, since I was actually gay, about secrecy. Basically I had to stay in the closet and she had to keep me in the closet.

It was most platonic until I made an idiot out of myself and slept with her. It wasn't good and I was so drunk and I'm fairly certain I moaned Eren's name. News spread of it pretty quickly and it wasn't hard to convince others that I was straight.

I never thought it'd bite me in the ass until right now as she walks up to me. "Levi." She says shortly and my jaw clenches.

"Tina." I say and she smiles with fake sincerity.

"It's been forever. How have you been?" She says and my eyes narrow.

"I'll be better when I know why you're here." I say and her smile turns sinister and it's a bit creepy.

"Did you really think you could get away with coming out? You signed a contact that..."

"That only covered while we dated. As far as I'm concerned, we are no longer dating." I say and she smiles.

"Oh, you're right! So, where's that Eren boy of yours?" She asks and my chest tightens.

"Leave him out of this." I say and as if on cue, I see his truck pull up. I fix my glare back in her, but she seems to have noticed my wandering eye.

"That's him? Cutie with the ass?" She says as he gets out of the car and goes to get something out of the trunk.

"Leave it alone." I say, but her smirk doesn't fall as he walks up to me and her with a caterers tray and a glare and I nearly die.

"Where do you want this?" He asks and she steps up.

"So you're Eren." She says and his eyes widen.

"Um, yeah, that's me. Aren't you Tina Olsen?" He says and I think I really am dying.

"Aren't you the guy that stole my boyfriend from me." She says and Eren's eyes widen.

"Wow, um, I didn't mean to?" He says obliviously and turns to me with a curious look.

"She's my... ex-girlfriend." I say and his eyes widen again.

"Girlfriend? I thought it was just a cover." He says and she shakes her head.

"Let me tell you, there were times where I had no idea he was gay." She hints suggestively and you can see his anger rise. He closes his eyes and takes a breath.

"I knew it." He says and starts to walk away. Shooting a glare at Tina, I grab his arm.

"It was just a cover. She knows it too and she's just trying to mess with me." I said and I heard him scoff.

"If she was just a cover, then she wouldn't have a reason to mess with you." He said and dammit, he was right. He takes a breath and tries to pull away.

"I'm so done with this." He says and turns away and I now know what death feels like. I keep hold of him and turn him around and he rolls his eyes.

"I'm being serious! I had to get a cover because..."

"Because you don't want people to know you're gay. I know what a cover is, Levi, but you generally don't have one after you've already had a boyfriend." He says and I nod.

"I know, but..."

"Whatever." He says and tears his arm from me. I watch as he sets the tray down and walks towards the truck.

"I told you not to mess with me." She says from behind me and it's everything in me not to turn around and slap her.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask and she turns away from me.

"I have my reasons."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The vow renewal went flawlessly. Isabel was beaming, Farlan was a nervous wreak, and it was just over all a good time but I was a bit preoccupied. I walk up to Eren and stand next to him, watching Isabel and Farlan dance.

"I'm sorry." I say to him and his jaw clenched to the point I can see a vein in his neck.

"Me too." He says and starts to walk away, but I grab his arm.

"Eren..."

"Don't make a scene." He bites at me and I don't blame him.

"Then talk to me." I say and he looks over to Isabel smiling with her husband and turns to me.

"Fine." He says calmly and leads me to a less crowded field. It's big and beautiful, greens and browns and colors of wildflowers painting it. It's probably my favorite part of Kenny's house. I turn to Eren to see him not even looking at me. "Talk." He says shortly, sounding sick of the conversation already.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. It was stupid and a cover and I only slept with her once and..."

"I'm sorry?!" He turns to me and yells. Did he not know that?

"I only slept with her once." I say quietly and he steps towards me angrily.

"You had sex with her! And you're trying to tell me you're gay? Because gay guys don't have sex with girls!" He yells and I sigh.

"I know. I was drunk and she came onto me and..."

"I don't want to hear the details of your sex life." He says and a thought comes to my mind.

"You dated Reiner." I say and his jaw drops.

"Yes. Yes I did. But that is so fucking different."

"How?"

"He was a boy! And I didn't have sex with him!" He yells and I pause.

"You haven't had sex since..." I say and he looks down.

"I told you I don't have sex with people unless I really love them." He says a lot softer than before. There's something beyond his voice, deep in the accent that stabs me as I realize the meaning of his words.

He's never had sex with anyone but me.

And I fucked some girl when I was drunk.

"I never lied to you. I made sure I was ready for everything I did. Something you never learned to do. I made love to you and you left me. Not even for a good reason, but because you had to think about yourself. You act like you deserve to get me back, but you don't. What you did was unforgivable." He says sadly.

"It's not like it meant anything." I say and his laughs bitterly.

"That's the worst part." He says and turns to walk away and I can't bring myself to go after him. I want to, but what can I say? I'm a gay man who slept with a girl. It doesn't even make sense.

He suddenly turns around and marches up to me before slapping me. "And fuck you for lying to me! Fuck you for doing this to me!" He says as I see tears rolling down his cheeks as he turns again and I watch him walk away and wonder how many times I can see that before I break too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might find out a bit more about Tina but she's mostly here because I need an obstacle. I'll give her a bit of development, don't you worry.


	25. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii. So, I thought I'd inform you all that most of the past arc has been written and it'll come into the present arc once we get that far, but that's at LEAST 10 chapters away. 
> 
> So, quick warning, Levi is a bit more OOC than normal but I wanted him to be cute and slightly clingy. Idk, I just like it that way.
> 
> Anyway, hi there! I feel like this story hit a lull with my terribleness, but I promise it's about to get better. I'm sorry it's been so awful up until this point. I don't even like how I opened this chapter much. I like everything else, but it just feels to abrupt, so sorry about that. I'm babbling now... So, I'm gonna shut myself up. Enjoy!

It hit me about halfway through the car ride that day that Levi had told me he loved me. It must have been pretty obvious I have just had an epiphany because I heard Levi's voice next to me.

"You okay?" He asked and my head darted to him. It was crazy that the moment I realized it was also the moment he decided to look fucking perfect.

His hair was out of his face by some sorcery I don't know and the sun was at the point where it was shining at just the right angle bringing out all his features. Especially his eyes. They were beautiful. They were shining and bright and suddenly got really wide.

"Eren, slow down!" He yelled and I looked forward just in time to slam on the breaks, unaware there was a standstill on the freeway. I stopped the car a few inches away from the car in front of me.

I looked back to Levi to see his eyes wide and looking forward, his chest puffing uncontrollably as he hyperventilated. I put a hand on his knee and he jumped. "Are you okay?" I asked, emphasizing the "you" and he let out a short, panic sounding laugh.

"Yeah. I'm good." He said and looked down, but I'm not a dumb ass. That often. So I grabbed his arm and tugged it a little so he moved closer and I put an arm around him.

It was a bit like the last time where we nearly hit that tree, but not quite as bad. He calmed down enough to just nuzzle into my arm. "I'm sorry." He breathed out and I pulled him closer.

"It's fine. Just breathe." I said and he nodded. His panic attacks weren't quite as bad as Mikasa's, so I knew what to do. He looked up to me and took a deep breath.

"I should probably explain." He said quietly and leaned his head on my chest. There must have been a major accident since the cars weren't moving, so I slipped my arms around him and he started talking.

"When I crashed the car I stole in New York, I was running from the guy that killed my mom." He said and looked down as I tired not to react. I knew enough to know reacting a lot would just make him upset, so I was quiet as he continued.

"She was a single mom, so I was on the street for a few years. I met Farlan and Isabel are we stuck together. We eventually got arrested by a cop named Kenny. He was... a friend of my mothers, so the best option was to be fostered by him. The adoption itself was more recent. It was when I was seventeen." He said. He nuzzled closer to me before continuing.

"When we were on the street, we had to struggle just to survive without getting into the crime ring, but when I got arrested, it was because I got into a fight trying to protect Isabel.

"Isabel and Farlan ran and I fought him off until the guy pulled a knife, so I took his car. Apparently he had hunted me down for some reason that I never found out since he went to jail. When the cop car crashed into me, I was flung out the windshield. I landed in the water." He said and I realized that he nearly died of two things that day. It made me sad for him. He'd been through too much for an eighteen year-old.

I pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head, trying to comfort him with words I couldn't find. "I've been bad with cars since then, but I almost drowned in the ocean, so it cause a much greater fear." He said with a laugh, actually trying to lighten the mood, but I knew he wasn't really okay.

"I'm sorry." I said and he shrugged and nuzzled closer to me.

"It is what it is." He said and I pulled him closer. It wasn't until a few minutes of him calming down that I realized he was literally in my lap. I guess he didn't really care because he just put his head on my shoulder and kissed my cheek and I was brought back to one of the reasons he had a panic attack.

I almost hit the car in front of me because I was distracted. Because he loved me.

Love was a funny thing to me, how you just suddenly feel drawn to a person and they just make everything feel okay.

You become drawn to them not by their appearance or even by their personality, but by their very being.

And I didn't understand how he could possibly feel that way for me, but I knew I felt that way about him and I really hoped he was being serious.

But I couldn't help but doubt it.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We stopped at a motel midway. It was cheap but hygienic, so why not? We all needed to sleep and it was better than a rest stop. The next day, we drove out the rest of the way out to California. We set up camp and went to sleep and the next day, we started going to concerts.

We had seen Kid Rock already that day and were going to Kenny Chesney when Levi suddenly stopped us. "Hey, I have to go, but, um..." He looked around nervously and the glanced back to us. "Meet me at Stage 2 at 6:30," he said and turned.

"How close to the stage," Mikasa asked and he barely looked back.

"Close," is all he said as he was off. We made our way to Stage 1 to watch Kenny Chesney play. He was good, even though I only knew a few of his songs.

Before I knew it, we were walking to Stage 2 looking for Levi. Isabel comes up to me and grabs my arm. "Come on! We need to get close!" She said and I was confused.

"Shouldn't we look for Levi?" I said and she smiled wildly.

"Just trust me," she said and pulled me up to the front bar. Everyone followed and we stood in front of the stage.

"Who's even preformin'?" Sasha asked and Armin smirked.

"I think I know." He said as he watched Isabel practically jump for joy as the announcer started to speak.

"Please give a round of applause for Levi Ackerman!" The announcer said and my jaw dropped as I saw who the faceless singer was.

"Evening California," said Levi.

 _Our_ Levi.

He was standing there in _my_ black flannel, holding his guitar. Isabel squealed and pulled on my arm as he smiled down to us and winked.

"Um, why is Levi up there. Isn't it supposed to be Levi Ack.... HOLY SHIT!" Connie said and I couldn't have agreed more.

"Thank you all for coming to my first live performance. Many of you have heard me but never seen me and seen me but never heard me, so... hi." He said and extended his hands awkwardly. He was smirking like he was holding back a laugh and I wanted to slap that smug look of his face.

"What the hell?" Mikasa said next to me and I just nodded, unsure of what else to do.

"So, I thought that as my first crowd ever, I'd treat you to a new song," he said as I started putting two and two together. The singer-songwriter that writes songs about his sister. I looked to Isabel to see her grinning.

"This song is about the person who help me write it named Eren." He said and looked to me and my eyes widened as I processed what he said.

He strummed the guitar around his neck and starts playing a string of chords I heard a few days back.

 

_I never saw a way to love somebody with all your heart,_

_I never saw a reason to give your heart away._

_But something about you was different from the start to me._

 

It was him. He was the one leaving notes in my locker. They were song lyrics too. To a song that he wrote for me. I couldn't process it, and I know my jaw was probably dropped but I couldn't tell. I was back to how I was when I met him, just entranced, watching as he smiled and sang to me.

 

_You've got me singing love songs and dancing in the rain,_

_You came around and changed everything,_

_With those bright eyes, you're driving me insane_

 

 _He's singing for me._ I couldn't stop thinking that as he played the song with such a strong stage presence. It was odd for such an awkward person to be so powerful and yet graceful while performing, but I was watching the living proof.

 

_Baby, I've been counting stars, waiting for the one to change my mind,_

_Baby, I've been counting stars, waiting for you._

 

I wrote that. I wrote the chords of that song with him. It was all so surreal and my mind was everywhere, but I knew that I would never forget that moment.

Because I realized he really loved me.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He finished up the song not too long after that and we met up with him outside after the concert.

"What the hell just happened?" Jean said to Levi as he walked up to us.

"You guys never wondered why I never told you my last name?" He said with a smirk that was new to everyone.

"You were great," Armin said with a smile and Levi blushed. He fucking _blushed_. It was so cute and god, was he driving me crazy. From his pink cheeks to his blue eyes to my flannel hanging from his frame, it made me want to just run up to him and kiss him and hug him and never let him go.

"Thanks Mushroom. I think that was the most nerve racking thing I've ever done and I can't wait to do it again." He said looking down.

"So, you're gonna proclaim your love to Eren again?" Hanji asked and Erwin elbowed her. Then it was my turn to blush as everyone turned to me for a reaction. Levi looked up at me and bit his lip nervously, despite how confident he had seemed before.

"That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me," I said and he visibly relaxed. I walked up to him and kissed his cheek and his pink cheeks brightened.

I slipped my hand into his and we all walked to our tents, everyone raving about the show and me stealing glances at Levi's small smile and pink blush.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

We decided to go for a walk to get away from everyone who had yet to stop teasing us. I was surprised no one reacted to the fact that I was very much showing my very homosexual feelings from Levi, but I couldn't have been more grateful.

We had found a quiet area nearby and sat down, watching the stars. "You see that one next to the Big Dipper?" I asked and didn't really wait for a reaction.

"Well that's the Ursa Minor, but people just call it the Little Dipper. And over there is Hercules." I said and stared.

"You really love this, don't you" he asked and I nodded, still looking up.

"They're just these balls of gas, but they're so beautiful, you would think they're more than they are. It's something out of nothing, I guess." I said and paused. The stars were crazy bright that night, making it light out despite it being so late.

It was calm, yet I felt anything but calm. My heart was pounding due to all the events in the past few days. But right then, in that moment, despite how my head was spinning, it was just so right. "It's just so beautiful," I said and he put his hand on my leg, mixed together with his.

I looked over to see him staring at me. "Yeah, it is." He said and I blushed and looked down. Yes, it was cheesy, but I loved it. He was cheesy and made stupid jokes and cared despite how his face didn't change often and he was just so Levi.

He touched the bottom of my chin and brought my face up to meet his before leaning in slowly until our mouths almost touched, but I pulled back. "I'm sorry," he said and I shook my head.

"No, it not you. God, trust me, it's not you," I said and fell backwards, staring at the constellations above us. "Thomas got killed because he came out. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't wanna get hurt." I said and he laid down next to me.

"Eren, I don't care what others do. I wanna be with you. I'll make sure no one hurts you." He said and I turned to him.

"What if you hurt me? I don't know what I'd do if my heart broke again." I said and he brought his hand up to my hair.

"I promise, I would never want to break your heart." He said softly.

"It's weird. When we moved here, I had my mind set. I would never fall in love, but here I am. You've changed everything." He said and smiled a crooked smile that did things to me.

"I told myself I'd find a girl and fake straight." I said and he smiled that adorable grin before it lessened to a shy smile.

"So, do you trust me?" He asked.

"Yeah. I do." I said back to him. He leaned forward and I knew what was happening. He was trying to kiss me.

Not in the manner you kiss someone to have sex, but rather fall in love. I knew if I leaned forward and met his lip, that'd be it. I wouldn't be able to let go. I'd love him fully and openly. I'd come out of the closet and risk it all.

I knew if I kissed him I'd be completely in love with him.

And so I did.

It was gentle and soft. Slow, as if nothing needed to be rushed. His hand played with my hair as I scooted closer him. He tasted sweet, which I found adorable for such a serious, reserved person.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and tilted my head to deepen the kiss. It didn't speed up, just brought us closer. We pulled back and he leaned his forehead on mine.

"I love you," he said to me. Everything in me was screaming to say it back, but I couldn't. As soon as I did that, admitted it, he could so easily break me. I trusted him, but I needed to be safe, just for a little while. So, instead of saying it, I leaned forward and kissed him.

_Don't screw this up, Jaeger._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I was walking back with Levi, holding hands when we got ambushed by our friend. Some looked surprised, a few pissed, and the few that knew looked apologetic.

I kept hold of Levi's hand as Historia stepped forward. "So, you're gay?" She asked quietly as if we still needed to hide out in California, but I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, I am." I said and she smiled while others looked confused.

"Why the hell didn't you tell us?"

"We should've known!"

"When did you know?"

"Are you coming out?"

"Why all of the sudden?"

I interrupted the ambush of questions by turning to Levi and kissing him lightly. Now that shut them up. I know I had a big, stupid smile on my face and I could feel that Levi did too.

I broke the kiss and turned back to my friends, staring in awe. "I didn't have a reason to risk it. I do now." I said and glanced at Levi who is grinning up at me, cheeks a dark pink. I kept him close as we made our way past our friends and went to our tent.

As soon as we were alone, he grabbed my hair and pulled me down into a kiss. It was faster than the last one, but not too crazy. He treaded both of his hands in my hair and I grabbed his waist and pulled him close.

After what seemed like seconds but was probably more like a couple of minutes, he pulled back and smiled. "You're so sweet." He said and I smirked.

"Literally or figuratively?" I said and he laughed a bit and I don't think I'd ever seen Levi that open with his emotions as he was that night.

"Both." He said and bit his lip and wow, he was so perfect. I let go of him and went to lay down and was surprised when Levi came to lay down not only next to me but practically on top of me.

He was way more affectionate than I ever thought he would be. He curled up next to me and sighed a bit. "Today has been perfect." He said to me and I smiled.

"Yeah, it kind of was." I said and he laughed.

"I thought I was on a high after my show, but now I'm past cloud nine. It's like cloud eighteen." He said and I laughed, but got it. He was on adrenaline right then, which was probably why he was okay with being so open and cuddly, but fuck if I didn't love it.

He rolled closer to me so that he was half laying on me, hand on my chest and head on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed his forehead and he sighed happily and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight. I love you." He said as his eyes flutter shut and I found myself amazed at just how much happier and relaxed he seemed. He fell asleep almost instantly, but that wasn't surprising.

A lot had happened that day. We kissed, I came out to our friends, and we all found out Levi was country star. I don't blame him for being tired. So I kissed his forehead and pulled him close.

"I love you too." I said although I knew he couldn't hear me. That's actually why I said it. I needed to say it to him, even if he was sleeping. I wanted him to know my feelings, but I was still too scared.


	26. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you e had to wait so long to get such a short chapter, but it's here. A lot of the past from now on is moving the story up until a certain point when the present is longer than the past. We might even get to a point where the past just becomes present in Eren's POV, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes.
> 
> MAMA HANJI FTW! PUTTING LEVI IN HIS PLACE!!! I live for their brotp. It's so cute that Hanji is able to translate Levi. Hanji knowssss.
> 
> Anyway, sorry this chapter is so short. I love you all and I'll post really soon if not today. Enjoy:)

I hadn't been able to talk to Eren after that, him avoiding me. Of course I really don't blame him, but I just need to explain myself.

Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock? My fucking one night stand from like two years ago. The hard place? Hanji slapping me in the face in my own apartment.

"Are you an idiot?" She yells at me and I wince at the sheer volume of it.

"Yes. Haven't we already figured that out?" I say and she groans.

"Literally, of all the things you could've done, that is the stupidest." She says and I nod.

"I just didn't think I'd be able to do this. Come back and all." I say and her anger slips.

"Technically you still shouldn't be able to have come out, but you did." She says and I look down.

"I know. I'm here, aren't I?" I say and sit down on my couch.

"Why did you even decide to? Not that I'm against it. If anything, I'm thrilled, but why now?" She asks and I look out the window. "

It's kind of pointless." I say and I see her frown in my side vision.

"How?" She asks and I close my eyes. I really don't want to talk about this. I just want to go to the studio and do something actually productive. But I know Hanji and I know she won't let up. I also know I can trust her fully.

"You want to know why I had sex with her?" I ask and turn to her. "That night I was crying to her about Eren. We were drinking and she was flirting with me and it all just came back full force. I wanted to come out. I wanted to come back but I had been repressing it for so long and it just exploded.

So she grabbed me and kissed me. She pulled away from me and told me that I should have sex with her to try to forget him. So I did. Was it selfish? Yes. But I didn't think I could ever come out. I never got over him and I hate that." I say and her face falls.

"Oh hun." She says and I stand up and take a breath, feeling dangerously close to crying. But I can't. I don't deserve to cry. It's my mistake and I'm paying the consequences.

"I don't know how I even got him to trust me in the first place. I don't know where to start again." I say and she lays down.

"Well, why don't you tell him that?" She asks as I get myself some coffee and I sigh.

"That requires talking and I don't think I'm gonna get that far any time soon." I say and walk over to her.

"Plus Tina is still in town and I have no idea what the fuck she wants." I say as I sit down next to Hanji's head.

"Doesn't she have a movie to make or something?" She groans and I shrug.

"I don't know. I really don't even know why she's doing this, but it's the last thing I need right now." I say and she shifts.

"Well, it's probably good that Eren found out though. If you waited until you were on good terms, he would've been way more pissed." She says and I guess she's right. Just put everything out there now so he knows it.

I pick up my phone and go to my room, leaving Hanji on the couch and write out a list of things I fucked up with him.

 

 

-Broke up with him over the phone

-Denied loving him

-Had sex with a women

 

I pause and look up at the list and try to figure out what I'm missing. I go out of my room again to find Hanji getting coffee and I go to my bookshelf. I look for the a book written by A. Arlert.

"Maybe I should go back to this." I murmur to myself, but Hanji hears and walks over to me. She looks over my shoulder and smiles to me.

"Probably one of my favorite books." She says with a smile and turns to walk away.

"And it's a good idea to learn how to stand each other since you're gonna be spending a lot of time together." She says and my head darts to her.

"What do you mean?" I ask and she grins manically.

a"Eren isn't just one of Erwin's groomsman, he's you're co-best-man." She says and my jaw drops.

"As of when?" I ask and she continues to smile as she walks around innocently.

"As of ever since we decided to make you two partners in this." She says and I groan.

"I can't believe this." I say, but honestly, it's not that hard to believe.

"It wasn't just for you. Eren needs to get laid so badly." She says and I facepalm.

"He doesn't do that. He wouldn't sleep with me." I say and she giggles.

"You're the only person he had slept with."

"Yeah, but I don't want to just have sex with him. I want to be with him." I say and she smiles.

"Then tell him that. Just tell him everything. You guys went through so much. I think he'll understand." She says and I know I walked into her skillfully set up trap. The bitch.

"I don't think it would." I say and she shrugs.

"Whatever you say. You do still have to work with him though." She says and I go to sit down.

"I know. Maybe I'll try just seeing what I did wrong and trying to fix it." I say and she scoots closer.

"Start when you guys were actually getting together then. You had to have said something that made him agree to come out." She says and I nod and flip through the book.

_Well, here goes nothing._


	27. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I think this is the fluffiest thing I have ever written. To all those who've read my other fic, you know that's saying a lot. I love this chapter and I guess you could say it's calm before the storm, but not really. Nothing tooooooooo bad happens next past chapter. Anyway, enough ranting. Enjoy!

To say Levi and I were happy together was an understatement. There were few times a day when we weren't holding hands or kissing or just touching each other. It was like that barrier had been broken and we could touch each other all we wanted.

It wasn't even that that made us so happy together. It was the certainty. It was knowing I would wake up with him next to me. It was him saying he loved me and knowing he really meant it.

It seemed to make two other gay couples much more comfortable because Jean was holding Marco's hand and Ymir had her arm around Historia. I was just glad everyone was comfortable, even if I was the only one coming out.

I was definitely still nervous about coming out, but I knew it was worth it. I wanted to be with Levi publicly. I didn't want us to be a secret.

After the festival, we headed to Jean's cabin. It was huge. Like, it belonged on those big house TV shows. It has just enough beds for all of us to room. In couples. So, Levi and I ended up sharing a room.

I didn't think much of it until once we got to our room and we both needed to shower. "Um... you can go first." I said and he shook his head.

"No, you can go first." He said and I didn't realize how awkward it would be until then.

"I can wait." I said and he nodded.

"If you're sure." He said hesitantly and grabbed some of his stuff. It wasn't until I heard the shower turn on that I realized Levi was naked and wet in there. The thought of it made my pants uncomfortably tight.

I tried to will my dick down for probably a good ten minutes and I didn't realize how bad the tent was until I heard the door open. "Fuck." Levi said and I looked up to see him staring at my very erect dick. I bit my lip as I looked at him, hair wetted down and big baggy sweater hanging off his frame.

I sat up and watched as Levi made his way over. He crawled on top of me with a seductive smile and leaned forward until our lips were almost touching. "Getting hard off of me taking a shower? Not so innocent after all, Bright Eyes." He said and I shivered as he pressed his lips on mine at the same time he grinded down on me.

His mouth worked fast, his tongue finding his way in and I moaned at the mixed pleasure. On one particularly good grind, I pushed him back a bit. "Stop." I said and he immediately leaned off of me.

"Can we take this slower?" I asked and his eyes widened slightly.

"Oh yeah, okay." He said and got off of me, looking slightly dejected and I leaned over and kissed him much lighter.

"It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I want to wait." I said and he looked confused.

"I haven't really heard of that." He said and I had to remember that we come from very different lives.

"Well, I'm still a virgin." I said and his eyes widened.

"You're kidding." He said and I looked down.

"Um, no. I just want it to mean something, you know?" I said nervously pulling at my green and black flannel and he put his hand on my cheek.

"It's not a bad thing. It's actually adorable. I just haven't met many people who still thought that way." He said and I smiled a bit.

"Well, I do. I want my first time to be making love with someone." I said and he smiled and it was my turn to be confused.

"What?" I asked and he laughed.

"You're just kind of amazing." He said and leaned forward to kiss me. I frowned at his answer and pulled back.

"Not really. It's just I've seen what it does to people." I said and his face turns grim.

"I never thought of it like that." He said, but I knew he knew what I meant. Something in that moment made me tell him something I haven't told anyone else.

"It was after my mom got raped. It was as if something had been stolen from her. She wasn't really present ever, almost as is she was mourning. I found her after it happened. She had hung herself." I said and Levi's eyes widened.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." He said and I gulped.

"It's okay. She just felt such a great sense of loss over it, she took her own life. I guess that's why I've never slept with anyone. Even Thomas." I said and he gave me a mild smile.

"That's actually really beautiful." He said and my face started to heat up.

"Um, thanks." I said and looked down. He took my hand and sighed.

"I wish I had more to offer in the virginity department, but I lost that awhile ago." He said and I glanced to see him looking rather sad.

"Levi, I'm not upset that you're not a virgin. I get why you chose what you did, I just chose differently. As long as you don't push those views on me, I'm perfectly happy." I said and he smiled to me.

"I love you." He said and I wondered how he could just say it like that. He's so open to loving me despite being rather cynical. I just didn't get it.

"Why do you love me?" I asked and his smile faltered.

"You really don't see how great you are, do you?" He said and I looked down, but he put a hand on my cheek.

"You're just a good person. And I know that doesn't sound like much at all, but it's actually what makes you so special. I fell in love with a boy who puts others before himself in a selfish world." He said and I couldn't meet his eye.

"I'm just scared one day you'll see me for the monster I am." I said.

"I can see that from how determined you are, in a sense, you are a monster, but you only use it for the most wholesome intentions. You're like a just monster, if that makes sense." He said to me and despite the fact he admitted what I had feared, he made it seem almost beautiful. Pure. Good. So many things I wouldn't have dreamed of being before.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. "By the way." I said and he stared into my eyes as I said it.

I love you...

"...Too." That was all I said and I don't think he got it. He looked rather confused as I leaned in to kiss him, but he kissed me back, so I guess he was okay with not knowing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"You're gonna get over this." I said as I stood in the water in my swimsuit. I wanted to help Levi get over his fear and he seemed like he wanted to as well, until he got out here.

"I think I'm fine over here." He said and Armin laughed. It was just Levi, Armin, Mika, Isabel, and I while the others went out to get groceries for our stay. It was only the second day, so we still had awhile.

"Come on." I said as I walked up to him, standing by the edge of the dry and wet sand. I walked up to him and took both of his hands in mine.

"You're gonna be fine. We won't go any further than your hip." I said to him softly and he breathed a deep breath.

"You'll be there the whole time?" He asked and I nodded. I took a step back and waited until he did the same. We stood there for a second as the tide ran over his feet. He closed his eyes and took a breath before stepping forward again.

He repeated this as we got further and further and we got to about his hip before he opened his eyes and looked down. Instead of freaking out, he smiled and looked up at me.

"You did good." I said and he looked down and blushed and I stepped towards him and kissed his forehead. Then he grabbed my arm and shoved me into the water as he kicked my feet out under me. I got up and wiped the saltwater out of my eyes before opening them to see Levi's cheeky grin.

I wasn't cruel enough to dunk him in the water, but I knew payback was in order. I dropped my shoulder and knocked it into Levi's stomach, wrapping my arms around him and picking him up.

I held him over my shoulder and carried him out of the water as he beat at my back. "What the hell! Let me down!" He laughed and as soon as we got to the sand, I set him down on his back. By this point, the other three were dying of laughter as I sat down on his stomach. "You're a little shit." Levi said and I smirked.

"You're the one that dunked me underwater and I'm pretty sure you're much shorter than me." I said and his smile fell.

"Oh you're gonna get it now." He said and flipped us so that he was sitting on me and pinned my arms above my head. I tried to get out from under him and was interrupted by Mika.

"Guys, don't have sex on a beach." She said with a smirk and I noticed how weird this probably looked since we were both shirtless.

Levi's eyes widened and he got off of me, sitting down as I sat up. "No homo." He said and I smiled.

"Very homo." I said and leaned forward and kissed him while the others groaned.

"Stop being cute with Big Brother! It's gross!" Isabel said and Levi laughed into the kiss. He pulled back and wrapped an arm around my waist as he turned to them.

"Well get used to it because that's not changing anytime soon." He said and it made my chest warm up as I set a hand on his shoulder and kissed his cheek. Armin got up and patted Mikasa's hair.

"I'm getting soda from the corner store. Anyone want any?" He asked and I got up.

"I'll come." I said and leaned to kiss Levi's forehead.

"I'll take a sprite." Mika said and Isabel squeaked.

"Me too!" She said as I stood up straight.

"Nothing for me." Levi said and I nodded and waved. Armin and I walked to the house to get our wallets but he stopped before leaving the house.

"What's up?" I asked and he smiled.

"I didn't want to say this in front of everyone else, but I'm really happy for you." He said and looked up at me. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a quick hug.

"Thanks Ar." I said and he smiled as I pulled back.

"No problem." He said as we started walking out.

"So, how should I come out?" I asked and he looked down.

"I don't think you have to worry about that." He said and my eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?" I asked and he twirled a strand of his hair.

"I think I saw Reiner texting Michael earlier today." He said and I looked down.

"I don't know what to think of Reiner. He's really cool, but he seems to be really close with Michael. It just seems odd to me." I said and he nodded.

"Just be cautious around him. Plus when we go back." He said and I nodded. But I didn't have to worry about that at that moment. I had the rest of the week of freedom, and I intended to enjoy it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

About midway through the week, we all went downtown to walk around and get lost. It wasn't hard in a town like Los Angeles. Connie, Sasha, Levi, and I ended up going to an old music store.

The walls were lined with guitars, both electric and acoustic, and there were drums everywhere. They had racks of sheet music and records and a corner of the store was dedicated to wind instruments.

Near the from were a few pianos and amplifiers place hazardously around the store for testing. I went to the back of the store to the wall of acoustic guitars and looked at them.

They ranged from blue to red to brown, but the one I really liked was a sleek, black fender with a wood face of the neck. The face itself is just black, down to its pickguard. I took it off the rack and just stared at it, not wanting to ruin it.

"That's a good one." A worker came up to me and said.

"Yeah it is." I said and she smiled.

"You can test play it if you want." She said and I looked up at her.

"That'd be great! Thank you." I said and she smiled.

"Let me get you a pick." She said as I found a bench to sit on. She brought one over and went back to the counter as Levi came over and sat next to me. I played random chords until Levi spoke up.

"Sing a song." He said and I looked up quickly.

"Um, It's okay. We don't need to do that." I said and he shook his head.

"You've heard me sing." He said matter-of-factly and I bit my lip.

"You're a professional. It's a lot different." I said and he smiled.

"I'll sing with you." He said and grumbled.

"Can't you just sing?"

"No, sing a song with me."

"Nope."

"Come on. I wrote a song for you. Don't you think you could at least sing with me?" He said and I groaned.

"Fine." I said as Sasha eased herself down on the bench next to us. I thought it through as I played meaningless tabs until I came to a conclusion.

I started playing the slow melody of the song and Levi smiled brightly as he recognized the song. I played the intro twice until it was obvious he wasn't gonna take the lead, so I did.

 

_I don't know you_

_But I want you_

_All the more for that_

 

He joined in for harmony of the next part as he brought one leg onto the bench to turn to me.

 

_Words fall through me_

_And always fool me_

_And I can't react_

_And games that never amount_

_To more than they're meant_

_Will play themselves out_

 

I started swaying for the chorus as I got lost in the song, brushing shoulders with Levi.

 

_Take this sinking boat and point it home_

_We've still got time_

_Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice_

_You'll make it now_

 

I looked over to Levi to see his smile drop a bit as we both sang the next part.

 

 

_Falling slowly,_

_Eyes that know me_

_And I can't go back_

_Moods that take me_

_And erase me_

_And I'm painted black_

 

He sings the next part before I start and it made my heart beat faster as he scooted closer.

 

_You have suffered enough_

_And warred with yourself_

_It's time that you won_

 

We finish the song and I lean in and kiss his lips before he can say anything. His hand comes up to cup my cheek as he kisses back slowly.

I don't realize there's anyone else around us until someone taps my shoulder. But even though Levi and I break our kiss, I still didn't look away from him. He smiled a bit and his eyes were bright and he leaned his forehead on mine.

Connie took the guitar out of my lap, effectively making me look up to his smirk. "Mikasa texted and we're meeting for lunch." He said and I blushed, realizing how fucking love struck we probably just looked, but I looked back to Levi to see him smiling with a slight blush too.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up as Connie put the guitar away. On our way out, I went to give the pick back, but the women just lifted her hands up. "You keep that. Consider it a gift to the happy couple." She said and I probably looked like a tomato as Sasha started cackling.

Levi pulled me out of the store and we walked to a café around the corner. We got there and sat down with everyone before Sasha spoke up.

"Guys, guess what I recorded?" She said and Connie winked at us and I hid my face in my hands. _They're gonna have way too much fun with this._

It played until the end and I looked up when I suddenly heard numerous people clapping at the end. I looked over to Levi to see him as confused as I was. "Who was clapping?" I asked and Connie's eyebrow furrowed and he let out a short laugh.

"Like five people came over to watch you guys. Did you not notice?" He said and I blushed even more when I realized that I hadn't at all.

"You guys are so cute!" Historia squealed and I hid my face again.

"Stop." I groaned and all of them laughed.

"Who knew Jaeger was such a romantic?" Oluo said and Jean laughed.

"I'm not surprised. He always did seem like he wanted my dick." He said and I lifted one hand to flick him off.

"I don't do equine dick." I said and the table laughed.

"Did you really not realize I was recording you?" Sasha said as I looked up.

"I didn't." Levi said and I nodded.

"You guys are the typical music couple." Ymir said and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling lightly. In fact, everyone was smiling.

"It was so bad that the lady who ran the shop asked how recently married they were." Connie said and my head darted to him.

"She did not." I said and he laughed.

"Congratulations, you got married three weeks ago." He said and I hid my face again.

"You did not." I groaned and the whole table started laughing as my hands fell, revealing a very red face. "Ya'll go fuck yoursel.. Mmff." I was interrupted by Levi putting his left hand on my neck and bringing me down to kiss him.

The table started cheering, but I ignored them as I kissed Levi, putting my hands on his shoulders and pulling him closer, finding myself thankful for the bench seat. He was smiling against me and biting my lip when he abruptly pulled back to my confusion and frustration.

He had a shit-eating grin on his face as he looked at my face. "Look at you, my blushing bride." He said and I pushed him away, pretending to be mad while holding back a laugh and more blood to my cheeks.

"We're getting a divorce." I say, biting my cheeks to keep my composure. Everyone was dying of laughter by this point and I was all too close to joining.

"I'm sorry." He said, puffing out his lip in a pout and it was everything in me not to kiss him in that moment. I turned away from him and he put his chin on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I love you." He continues and some people stop laughing as they realize what he said, but I just smiled and turned my head to him.

"Fine, you're forgiven." I said and he smiled and kissed my cheek.

"Levi's whipped!" Farlan yelled and I laughed at the glare Levi sent him as the rest of the table caught up with us. Marco started to play the video again and I groaned.

"Okay, you can stop now." I said and he shook his head.

"You two sound good together. I didn't know you could sing." He said to me and I know my blush was getting worse.

"It's nothing." I said and everyone made their own disagreeing sound.

"Don't sell yourself short. You're really talented." Petra said and I shook my head.

"Thanks." I said unbelievingly and Levi leaned his head on my shoulder and that alone had me have trouble breathing.

"Is no one gonna mention the fact that Levi just said he loved Eren?" Reiner said and Levi shrugged.

"I sang him a fucking love song. I think you're a bit late to this party." He said and I laughed. Mikasa looked at me questioningly and I got up from the table.

"Who wants food?" I said and I got everybody's order as she got up.

"I'll come with you." She said and I nodded as we walked inside. "You haven't told him you love him yet, have you?" She asked and I sighed and shook my head.

"You should tell him. I'm pretty sure everybody else is catching on and the poor guy is obviously smitten." She said and I didn't think I could blush more in one day.

"I'm just not ready yet." I said and she put her hand on my shoulder as the line moved.

"I get it." She said with a smile and looked down. "I'm gonna tell Armin I love him." She said and I pulled her into a hug.

"That's great, Mika!" I said and she smiled against my shoulder.

"And, um, I think I'm gonna have sex with him." She said and I pulled back but kept my hands on her shoulders.

"Seriously?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah. I'm ready." She said and I smiled at her as my hands dropped, knowing how big of a step it was for her.

"I'm happy for you and I'm glad it's someone who can appreciate it. And I can kick his ass if need be." I said and she laughed, knowing that Armin wouldn't do that and that would be the only circumstance I'd ever hit him.

The line continued to move as I glanced back at the table to see Levi and Isabel staring at us. Levi immediately looked away and started blushing and Isabel started cackling and I couldn't help but smile. "I'm in love with that boy." I say and turned to Mikasa.

"I know. I could tell from the video." She said and I elbowed her, watching Levi glance back over to see me full on staring. He still looked away.

I turned to Mikasa to see her smieking at me and I elbowed her again. "Let's just get them some food."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The last day, we decided to lay around all day and have a bonfire that night. Hanji, Erwin, Petra, Oluo, Levi and I decided to watch a movie.

I probably would've remembered what movie it was if Levi hadn't been on the same couch as me. Well, it wasn't just that. It was that he was laying behind me with his leg draped over me.

I was fine for a little bit until he started nipping where my shoulder meets my neck. He was kissing it with vigor, making it hard to pay attention to the movie.

I booted him back and turned back to him. "There are other people here." I said quietly and he just smirked.

"I'll stay quiet if you stay quiet." He whispered back to me and before I could respond, he bit at the junction where my neck met my jaw and I bit my lip to keep back a moan. He licked over it and I reached back to thread my hand in his hair, pulling him closer.

He nipped and kissed at it and there's no doubt he was leaving a mark, but I couldn't care less. He knew just what to do to drive me crazy and I was half hard by that point. He moved up to my ear and bit the lobe, but I couldn't take it anymore by then.

I turned my head and brought his lips to mine. We had kissed a lot that week, but this was only the second time we had made out. His tongue traced my bottom lip and I shuttered as I opened my mouth, letting him in.

I think we would've gone a bit further if it weren't for Hanji's shriek. "Their making out!" She yelled and Levi and I broke apart. We had a strand of spit connecting us and I dearly hope I didn't look as bad as Levi, face red and hair sticking up, but I don't doubt I was the same.

I looked over to Hanji to see her smiling like a kid in a candy shop while Erwin was just smirking at us. "I'm... um... gonna take a shower." I said, moving up get up when I realized just how hard I was. I picked up the blanket with me and Levi flinched. I looked down at him to see him trying to hide a very noticeable boner.

Oluo groaned in annoyance as Petra, Hanji, and Erwin all started laughing. I leaned down and pecked Levi's forehead before roughly grabbing his crotch and running.

He groaned loudly before I heard footsteps following me. "What the hell?"

"Payback!" I yelled as I made it to our room and locked the door before he could get in.

"Let me in, Eren!" He said as he banged on the door.

"Not until I take a cold shower." I said and he groaned.

"It's my room too." He said and I opened the door a bit and pecked out.

"Want to take a cold shower with me?" I said and he looked confused.

"You seriously think cold water will get it down when I see you naked?" He said and I smirked.

"It's either that or swim trunks." I said and he seemed to be weighing his options.

"Swim trunks." He said and I gave him a curious look. "What? You want to go slow and there's no way it's gonna sag if I see your dick. Sorry." He said and I opened the door a bit more and pecked his lips.

"You're so good to me." I said and I opened the door all the way.

"You're lucky I love you." He said as he grabbed my hips and looked up at me affectionately.

"I know." I said and kissed him lightly before breaking away to get my swim trunks. "I'll change in the bathroom and you change here." I said and he nodded. I went to the bathroom and changed as quickly and carefully as possible.

With my green trunks on, I turned on the shower to a medium coldness so my balls didn't freeze off. I stepped inside right as the door opened and Levi came inside. He stepped in the shower too and closed the curtain before turning to me and leaning up, but I shook my head.

"Water first." I said and he pouted before turning to me and shrieking a bit.

"Fuck, that's cold." He said and I laughed. I switched our places and let the water hit me. It was actually a bit painful, but it calmed my dick down, so it did its job. I turned the heat on just a little bit and turned back around to see Levi grab the shampoo.

"Lean down." He said and I had to hold back a laugh. He squirted some in his hand and lathered it in my hair, massaging my scalp at the same time. He suddenly laughed and I opened my eyes, finding myself thankful no soap got near them.

"What?" I said and he bit his lip.

"You have a really big hickey." He said and my hand slapped over that spot as he bursted out laughing.

"You're an asshole."

"Only the best." He said and leaned up to kiss a flustered me.

"I hate you so much." I said and he went on his tiptoes and leaned against me.

"You do not. You like me. You like me a lot." He said and leaned my forehead on his.

"Maybe." I said and smiled and he kissed me again, longer this time.

We finished showering and went back to the living room where _everyone_ was waiting with shit-eating grins. "Fuck."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The bonfire started not too long after that and after about an hours of teasing, Levi and I decided to go for a walk. We walked along the shore (with my closest to the water of course) and he held me close, hand in hand.

"I really don't want to go back." Levi said and I nodded.

"Me neither. I feel like it's gonna make everything harder." I said and I knew he knew what I meant by that. It was inevitable that people wouldn't accept up for being together and I hoped it wouldn't strain our relationship.

"I don't want to deal with everyone knowing who I am." He said and I nodded.

"You never did tell me about all that." I said and he turned his head to me.

"What do you want to know?" He asked.

"When did you first learn to play guitar?" I said and he smiled reminiscently.

"Back when I lived on the streets, I used to sing lullabies to Isabel. She started noticing me singing all the time and her and Farlan saved up to get me a guitar for my Birthmas." He said and I turned to him.

"Birthmas?"I asked and he laughed.

"Sorry. My birthday is on Christmas, so Isabel gave it a name. Anyway, once I was actually decent at it, I started busking for money. As long as you were in a tourist attraction and didn't look like complete shit, people would pay a lot. So I guess I had some pretty good motivators; Isabel and Farlan and pay." He said and turned to me.

"What else?" He asked and I looked up at him.

"What about this whole recording stuff? How did this start?" I asked.

"Well, when Kenny took me in and I continued playing guitar and singing. When he realized how much I loved it, he got me a manager named Rico. She got me in studios and we recorded a bunch of stuff and sent it to a New York station. It eventually spread and I became popular. It went pretty well for me not being on an official label." He said and looked at me.

"Everybody wanted to know who I was and it got hard to hide it. Plus, Kenny wanted to settle down in the country. I eventually knew I had to tell people who I was and I figured the music festival was the best way to do it." He said and I smiled and blushed, remembering his performance.

"So do you think you'll find a label soon?" I asked and he sighed.

"I hope so. I can only do so much without one." He said and I nodded. "What's really gonna suck is going back to school now that it's out. I wonder if the news even got out." He said and I thought about it. We were in the sticks, but Levi was getting pretty big nationwide, so it was probably pretty big news.

"That's weird to think about. I'm dating a famous guy." I said and he laughed.

"Some lady thinks we're married." He said and I laughed.

"That was really weird. We're so not married." I said and I barely heard him murmur "yet". I stopped in shock for a second and he did too, squeezing my hand.

"You okay?" He said, pretending he hadn't said that and I took a moment to look down at him.

The moon was bright that night and it was shining of his face, making him look young and happy. Because that's what we were. I had never felt this way before about anyone. Not even Thomas. This exceeded that. It wasn't any one trait about him, it was just _him_.

I smiled at him and started leaning down to him. "Amazing." I said as I kissed him and I wasn't talking about myself.


	28. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. I don't know how many of you read my other fic, but my phone was broken for awhile and then I just had writers block. I have so much past written and like nothing for present. I'm really sorry. So I'll post a past chapter today too since this one is so short! I can't apologize enough, I feel awful, but updates will definitely be more often now! So, enjoy!

I closed the book after reading it. Hanji had fallen asleep by that point and was curled up to my side. I would mind for a lot of people, but not my dear friend Shitty Glasses. 

Don't ask me why, but I have a soft spot for her. Or maybe I'm just soft. After reading that book, that seems highly likely.

To say I had been hopelessly in love is the understatement of the century. I can also see why Eren is so against the idea that I wasn't using him. It was such a transition when we broke up. We were so happy and I just kind of broke it.

I know I need to talk to Armin. He'll know what to do.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Here I am, back at the fucking hipster coffee shop as Armin sits down across from me. I'm left without a choice right now. I need him and he's all to willing to help. Luckily, he understands. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs.

"So, Eren told me everything and you slept with a real bitch." He says and I throw my hands in front of me exasperatedly.

"Thank you!" I say and he laughs.

"That doesn't make you totally out of the wrong here. I mean, I kind of get where you're coming from, but Eren is pissed." He says and I nod.

"I noticed. Do you know how hard that boys slaps?" I say and he nods.

"It's not fun to be on the other end of that." He says and I hum in agreement.

"Well, I have one idea and you're gonna hate it. But it's important." He says and I sigh.

"It can't be any worse than where I am with Eren right now." I say and he shakes his head.

"You need to talk to Reiner about their relationship." He says and I know I'm probably glaring at him right now.

"Why would I do that?" I ask and he sighs.

"Because no one know why they broke up and I think it might be a bit important." He says and I nod.

"Why didn't he tell you?" I ask and he shrugs.

"He likes to keep to himself. It was hard enough to get him to admit he liked you the first time. It took him thinking you were dating Bert." He says and I frown at the memory of when that went down.

"Okay. I'll do it."


	29. Past

The first day back at school, something seemed off almost immediately. What I found really odd was that everyone kept staring at me.

Not like a passing glance. No, this was like a movie moment where you seem to walk towards something that's supposed to tear you apart.

That was my locker. It was spray painted saying "fag" in rainbow colors.

You see, this was supposed to be offending, but it wasn't. In fact, it was relieving. I started laughing as I opened my locker. I probably looked crazy, but I couldn't care. What made it even funnier is when Levi came up and leaned on the locker next to me.

People were staring at him, the whole situation just screaming "what the hell is going on". He looked worried, but I just laughed and leaned forward to kiss him. It was nice to openly kiss my boyfriend.

My boyfriend. Now that was weird to say.

He smiled into the kiss, but I kept it short due to the gasps around us. I grabbed my stuff for art and closed me locker before turning to him. He grabbed my hand and he walked me to class. "You okay?" He asked and I nodded.

"Actually, I'm great." I said and stopped in front of the art room. "What about you, Mr. Ackerman? Any weird reactions?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"It's really fucking weird, but I'm fine as long as you are," he said and I smiled and looked down shyly.

"I better get to class. Bye Levi," I said and went to leave, but he kept hold of my hand and pulled me in for a kiss.

It wasn't a short one like before. This was a longer one, us kind of making out in the hallway, but not as aggressively. It was soft and sweet and we were both smiling stupidly into the kiss.

He pulled back and shot me that crooked grin that takes my breath away and let go of my hand. "Later, Bright Eyes." He said and turned away, walking down the hall.

I watched him leave, trying to collect myself before walking into the art room where Isabel was waiting for me. I swear I almost tripped from the dizzying kiss I had had with Levi, but I couldn't bring myself to care as I sat down at the table.

"Well don't you look happy." Isabel said with a smile that I didn't just match, but doubled.

"I was so worried I'd get hazed as soon as I walked into school, but everything's perfect. I can handle being made fun of. I have been for years, but fuck, now I have the most amazing person... wow, I'm rambling." I said and Isabel smiled.

"It's cute, don't worry." She said and I looked down at my oil pastel forest drawing.

"I guess I just never thought I'd be so happy with someone so openly. I didn't think I'd ever come out." I said and she nodded.

"I get it. You and my brother have something special. Weird as hell, but special." She said and I laughed, but felt a blush make its way onto my face.

It was going better than I thought it would. Nobody would come near me except my friends, but it was okay. I don't really like people all that much anyway and it's not like we were the only gay couple in Trost. Just the only open gay couple.

Throughout the day, various people came up to me and told me they support me and Levi and I couldn't have been more happy that not everyone was against us. What surprised me though was when I was in English class.

We were getting back our assignment on act 2 of Much Ado and I was laying my head on Levi's lap when I got my paper back. She smiled at us and winked when she gave us our papers and I noticed a longer note than normal.

  _Good work!_

_-Congratulations on coming out! I                 need to speak to you after class._

The note said and I didn't know whether to be nervous or happy. I didn't think any teachers would acknowledge it, but it did seem to be a big deal. So after class, I kissed Levi goodbye and went to talk to Mrs. Parker.

"Hey Eren." She said after all her student had left.

"Hey. What did you want to talk about?" I asked and she motioned for me to sit down.

"Well, I have two things actually. First off, I'm really happy for you. Not many people have the balls to do what you did." She said and I was surprised by her more crude way of speaking.

I knew she liked me, but she was talking to me as if I was a friend. She was young though, so I wasn't really that surprised.

"Thank you." I said shyly and she laughed.

"Don't be so timid. I just wanted to make sure you're not getting too hard of a time." She said and I shook my head.

"It isn't as bad as I expected. The only real thing that's happened what the spray paint this morning. I assume you saw that." I said and she groaned.

"People can be so immature. If you ever need anyone to talk to about this, you can talk to me. I fully understand what you're going through." She said and I must have been confused, because she sighed and elaborated. "I came out as a lesbian at a catholic college." She said and my eyes widened.

"That must've been hard." I said and she nodded.

"It's funny how the people who you think and the nicest and holiest are the first to bitch you out. Something like this lets you know who your real friends are and I'm glad that you have so many close ones." She said and I smiled.

"Thank you. So, what else did you want to talk about?" I asked and she frowned.

"Well, as you know, you're my second best student next to Armin. And since he is gonna be dealing with being valedictorian soon... shit, don't tell him that." She said and I smiled.

"I won't. He'll be thrilled though." I said and it was true. He deserved it.

"Well, since he's about to start dealing with that, I need your help. One of my students has been struggling a lot lately. He's not in this class, but my non-honors class is reading the same book right now and you're my best Shakespeare student." She said, not smiling during any of it and it worried me.

"Who is it?" I asked and she sighed.

"Do you know Reiner Braun?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Hey Reiner." I said and he obviously looked uncomfortable. We had talked a bit during the trip and he was fine. But we were back in the real world and his kind didn't like me, so he was a bit tense.

"Hey Eren," he said and sat down next to me. "How is... everything." He said and I shrugged.

"It's good. What about you?" I asked and he tensed.

"Well..."

"If it isn't the school fag!" Michael yelled as he walked over and I rolled my eyes. What I found odd is that Reiner didn't look up at all. He sat with a sad look on his face as Michael came up to us.

"Fuck off Michael." I said and he barked out a laugh.

"Look, you even scared poor Reiner over here. He thinks you're gonna make him gay now." He said and Reiner's face turned angry.

"Please leave. He's just helping me." He said and I was left in confusion as Michael's eyes widened and then narrowed.

"Whatever. Have fun with the faggot." He said and walked off. I turned to Reiner to see his face sad again as he stared off at Michael.

"You okay?" I said and he look at me as if he forgot I was there.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said and I smiled awkwardly.

"Sorry that you have to work with me." I said and he shook his head.

"It's fine. Michael can just be a dick sometimes." He said and I raised an eyebrow.

"Only sometimes?" I said and he laughed weakly.

"He can be really nice sometimes. He was just raised to hate homosexuality." He said and I shook my head.

"That's not my main problem with him." I said and it was Reiner's turn to be confused.

"What do you mean?" He said and I paused.

"You don't know, do you?" I said and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Know what?" He said and I gulped. I didn't want to be the one to tell him, but I didn't have a choice.

"You know he raped Isabel, right?" I asked and his face paled.

He didn't know.

"He wouldn't do that, would he?" He said, not really to me, but to the air in front of him. He got up and grabbed his backpack.

"Sorry, can we meet tomorrow at the same time?" He asked and I nodded and that was all he needed before he was jogging out of the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi came into the diner that night while I was working alone and I was relieved. I needed to get my mind off of Michael and Reiner. It just gave me a bad feeling.

He walked up to the counter and sits in his normal spot. "Hey Bright Eyes." He said and I smiled.

"Hey City Boy. How was your day?" I asked as I get a coffee cup and started to pour him a cup.

"Weird. I had some girls hit on me. Girls. Are people just idiots or what?" He said and I laughed.

"They just want to get with a celebrity as hot as you." I said and he scoffed.

"You see, this is why I made sure you liked me before you found out." He said as I brought him his coffee.

"It's not like it changes anything really. We just have to be a little careful in public til you get that record deal." I said and he smirked.

"Aren't we technically in private now?" He said and leaned over the counter so that our faces were right in front of each other.

"I mean, no one else is here, so I guess it counts." I said and closed the distance so his lips were on mine. I loved the way his lips feel. They were soft in an odd sort of way that I never want to change.

I pulled back so we weren't kissing, but close to. I threaded one of my hands through his hair and smiled. "You know, I never thought I'd be able do that without worrying someone would walk in. But it's so relieving just to be open. To be with you." I said and he grinned, cheeks turning a light pink.

"Keep saying stuff like that and I won't be leaving here without you." He said, but there was a lightness to his voice that made me know that he wasn't hinting anything.

"I get off soon. Want to come to my house?" I asked and he nodded.

"That sounds nice." He said and he stayed until I got to clock out. Just being with him made me forget what I was worried about before. And it was a good thing too, because I was sure I didn't want to be involved in it.

Whatever _it_ was.


	30. Eren's Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I figured I've kept you guys waiting far too long and present accident moving too fast right now, and so I decided to make a couple present Eren POV chapters! So yes, this is the first one. I thought it would help to get his mindset. Levi's past one will be left a mystery for a little while longer, but will be revealed later. 
> 
> I'll be posting more often because the flow of present chapters just want happening, so here you go! Enjoy:)
> 
> Song: Amnesia- 5 Seconds of Summer.
> 
> Go listen to that shit while you read this. It makes it so much more real. (I only wrote the second verse)

I guess I never really saw how monotone my days have gotten. I wake up, go to work, visit Armin or something like that, get home, fall asleep. It's been like this since a little after I broke up with Reiner. Life just fell into a routine.

I didn't even mind it. It was just life.

My friends are all kinda suffocating right now though. Ever since... he came back, they've been worried about me. And I guess I don't really blame them since it's affected me to much.

I know Levi was my one great love. Shit like that doesn't happen twice, but that doesn't mean anything. Not with what he did.

If I'm being honest here, I do wish I could go back to him with open arms. I wish I could do that again. Love him again. But it's one thing after another. It's that he left, that he lied, and fuck, did he honestly have to fuck her? Did he need it that badly?

It hurts more than it should.

There are just too many things that make me know I have to stay away from him. I actually had a bit of hope until the whole girlfriend thing happened. But I'm done now.

I hate it. I hate how he just comes around and suddenly everything isn't okay. My monotone life isn't okay. I want to have someone in it who loves me. Someone who desires me and I desire them too. 

But life isn't that easy and I'm all too aware of that. I'm done pretending like being happy life. Because I'm not happy. I'm just content. There's a certain numbness to being content though that I just don't feel anymore.

It actually painful when I see him. He's the same, but so different. He's not the confident guy I knew. He's as confused as I am and it honestly makes me sad. Despite everything, I want the best for him. 

And I'm not the best for him.

He needs a girl that the media will love and he can fake straight with. Or be straight. I don't even know his sexuality anymore. Something he was so sure about is now a question.

And maybe that's what hurts the most: not knowing what was the truth or a lie. Ever touch and kiss and word... I fell in love with someone I guess I didn't really know. And that kills me.

I guess that's why I'm a mess. Because I remember everything. Everything I think he forgot. And it hurts like nothing has ever hurt before.

So maybe that's why I cry almost every time I see him. Why I can't stand to be alone with him without blowing up. I just... I don't know.

Armin has come to visit me a bit. I don't trust him lately though. I saw how he hugged Levi and talked excitedly with him when he first saw him. And I know it wasn't him being polite. I think he's trying something and I'm actually pretty mad at him for it. I know he wants the best for me but that's not it.

I don't want to fall in love. I don't want that uncertainty. I just want everything to be okay. I want to be happy by myself. But that's shit that'll never happen.

I find myself at the pier, still hidden away from everyone else. There's a serenity to it that's currently missing in me. I sit alone with my guitar as I stare into the ocean.

Maybe I'm just better off this way. 

I start to play the tabs to a song running through my head since he came home... I mean, since he came back to Trost.

 

_The picture where you held me_

_They're still living in my phone_

_I'll admit I like to see them,_

_I'll admit I feel alone_

_And all my friends keep asking_

_Why I'm not around_

_It hurts to know you're happy,_

_Yeah, it hurts that you moved on_

_It's hard to hear your name when_

_I haven't seen you in so long_

_It's like we never happened,_

_Was it just a lie?_

_If what we had was real,_

_How could you be fine?_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

 

I feel myself start to cry as I sinb the chorus and I hate it. I hate I can't control it. I hate that it hurts. I hate how true the next few lines are.

 

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_

_I remember the teardrops running down my face_

_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_

_Like every single wish we ever made_

_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_

_And forget about the stupid little things_

_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_

_And the memories I never can escape_

_'Cause I'm not fine at all_

I finish and part of me actually wishes Levi heard that. That he knew what he put me through. He said he had to think of himself, but if he wants me back, he can't just think about himself and I don't know if he's done much other than that. 

It's sad to think that he used to be so selfless and now it's like the opposite. Did I really know Levi? Was it all a lie?

But then I think of Isabel and I know that part of it was true. He loves her and Farlan more than life and I can still see that that's true. And his love for Isabel is one of the reason I loved him. I don't know...

No. I do know. I can't let him hurt me like that again. He can't just break my heart and leave me to pick up the pieces. 

It's sad how true that song really is.

Because I'm not fine at all. 


	31. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRUST ME I HAVE A PLAN I'M SORRY GUYS

It was just a normal day and I was... sitting outside at lunch with Levi in a more... private area.

Behind the bleachers.

We were making out behind the bleachers.

Sue me.

So I was sitting there, making out with him when I suddenly felt an intense pain in my stomach. I broke the kiss to look up only to be kicked in the face.

In a haze, I saw people in masks from horror movies and it was like a horror movie when I realized what was happening. We were getting hazed.

I turned to Levi to see him getting beat up too, obviously caught off guard. I was hoisted up by my arms and they turned me to face Levi. I flailed and kicked them, but they only beat me up more. I know I had to be screaming or something, but I couldn't focus on anything other than trying to get to Levi.

Suddenly though, as if it was slow motion, I saw someone tackle the guy beating Levi up. He took out three guys easily due to his size and I realized there's two of them. Both massive and blonde. Or maybe my mind was just fuzzy.

I was sure I wasn't seeing double when one of the came up and punched the guy next to me and I recognized him as Reiner. It was almost funny how fast the guy next to me fell when suddenly, Reiner full on tackled the guy next to me and ripped of his mask to reveal that it was Michael Johns.

_Of fucking course._

I fell in the process and watched what happened after. And I kind of wished I hadn't. "What the fuck are you doing?!" Reiner yelled and Michael rolled his eyes.

"What does it look like?" He said as if it was obvious and I had to resist the urge to get into it.

"You said you were done with this after..."

"Shut the fuck up!" Michael interrupted and I was taken aback by the scene unfolding. Reiner looked surprised, but held his ground.

"You're a real asshole, you know that? Picking on people just because they're different?" He said and Michael looked unfazed.

"You're just defending them because you're just like them." Michael said and Reiner's eyes narrowed. Then he got up and walked towards me, not looking back when he said "you're not worth it, Michael." Reiner picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.

I watched behind as Michael looked down and I suddenly got it.

He was gay.

He force himself to do all of this stuff because he was scared of who he was. He raped girls so that he could try and like girls, he beat up other gay people to repress his feelings. He was hiding. And I don't know what I felt more of: hate or pity.

Reiner carried me away and I heard him sniffle a bit and wondered what I could do since I couldn't see his face. He took me over to the football field where Bert, Erwin, Levi, and Farlan were and set me down. He tried to walk away, but I grabbed his hand. "Thank you." I said and he let out a shaky breath before walking away.

I turned to Bert who looked down with a look of anger on his face. "He loved him, didn't he?" I ask and Bert nodded and I felt my heart break for Reiner. And I know Michael wasn't only beating us up because we were gay. It was because Reiner saw how horrible he really is. And although I knew it was the right thing, it didn't make it any less sad.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The thing about have a truck is that when the drive-in opens, everyone sneaks in in your trunk. I was one of three trucks of ours sneaking people in. I had Historia and Ymir in the truck and they kepushing bumping so I was really nervous what they're doing.

_I think Hanji is there too._

_Yeah, I should be nervous._

Levi and I didn't have any major injuries after the fight. Bert had been hanging with us more, but Reiner was never anywhere to be seen. The drive in was the first time we got him to hang out with us after the incident.

We didn't know what movie was showing that weekend, but it ended up being and old musical. The Sound of Music. Not gonna lie, the little gay boy in me lit up as I saw that.

"Holy shit, you like the Sound of Music?" Levi teased me and I rolled my eyes.

"Fuck off, Julie Andrews is perfect." I said and payed for the three people not in the trunk. Levi leaned over and kissed my cheek as I started to drive forward.

"You're so cute." Levi said and Armin, sitting in the far seat, faux gagged.

"Leave your cuddling for when I'm gone." Armin said and Levi let out a dry laugh.

"Not gonna lie, I kind of want to mess with him." Levi whispered in my ear and I nodded as I pulled up to an open spot. Levi climbed on me to straddle me and as soon as I parked the car, started aggressively kissing me. His tongue was practically shoved in my mouth and I heard Armin fiddle with the door.

"Guys, seriously, let me out." He said and sounded so fucking done with our shit.

"Fine, whatever." Levi said after he broke the kiss and climbed off of me. I unlocked the door for Armin and he stuck his tongue out at me before leaving the car.

"Have fun fucking, you two." He said before slamming the door and winking, leaving me very flustered as Levi leaned into me.

"Don't worry, we don't have to do anything." He said and I laughed.

"Good, cause I'd be that idiot that honks the horn." I said as I slipped my arm around him. The movie was showing trailers before it and Levi was practically laying on me, head on my shoulder and legs up on the seat. I'm suddenly very happy for my bench seat.

Isabel and Farlan are sitting on the hood of my car, but I can't find myself to care as I look down at Levi. He was looking up to me with a soft look on his face. He was smiling sweetly and his eyes were a pale blue. We laid like this until the movie started playing. I'm my gonna lie, this is my favorite movie.

There were scenes where Levi and I would actually sing like the gay men we are and some we would just watch quietly.

During intermission, we were walking to the concession stand together when we got approached by two teenaged girls I had never seen before.

"Are you Levi Ackerman?" They asked and his eyes narrowed in confusion.

"Yes..." He answered and they squealed.

"Would you sign my arm?" One of them asked and I think that's when I realized that a was dating a celebrity. He smiled shyly and signed it, signature sloppy and unpracticed.

When I thought they were leaving, one of them kissed his cheek before running away, leaving him blushing and me fuming. He turned to me to probably see a very pissed off face.

"Hey, it's just some random girl." He said and I sighed before I grabbed his hand.

"If you say so." I say, still feeling a bit weird about it. Maybe they didn't know that it was a boy that he had written that song with, but he held my hand tight and I tried to forget about it.

It was a one time thing, right?

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

I was wrong. It wasn't a one time thing. It was actually really frustrating by the end of the night. I could tell Levi wasn't too happy about it, but he was being very polite to everyone.

I dropped everyone off before taking Levi home. When I did, he leaned in to kiss me, but I leaned away. This is a conversation we need to have.

"You okay?" He asked and I looked away from him.

"Is this gonna be a regular thing? Girls coming onto you all the time?" I asked and he huffed.

"I hope not." He said and I looked down, but he grabbed my hand.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not looking for anyone and certainly not anyone with a vagina." He said and as he moved so we were leaned against each other, my free hand on his chest, but there was a thought still bothering me.

"Is it okay for you to be out? I mean, you're still trying to find a record deal and..." He shut me up by kissing me quickly.

"I don't care. If I'm gonna make it, it'll be my way. No label can make me go back in the closet." He said and I still felt uncertain about it.

"What if you get assaulted again?" I asked with a frown and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Then it'll be okay and I'll hopefully be able to fight back." He said and I shook my head.

"What if you get hurt? I don't want you getting hurt because of me. Maybe we should just..."

"I don't care if I get hurt, Eren. I want to be with you." He said and I frowned.

"But what if it's not us? What if it's Mikasa? Or Isabel?" I said and he looked down.

One thing that I respected about Levi is that him being with me in no way meant his family was any less important. That's why I was okay with his answer.

"We'd have to do something. I don't know what we'd do, but they're priority." He said and I nodded, but my mind was still consumed with that thought.

If people's hate did become dangerous, we would've had to break up. It only made it worse that Levi was a celebrity in a genre that was still traditional in its roots. But we had then, and Levi was smiling his beautiful smile and my hand was still on his chest, so I trailed it up and wrapped it around my neck.

"What if it ends your career?" I asked and he smiled.

"I'm young, I can go to school and get a new one. As much as I love music, I need to be myself. And I'm myself when I'm with you." He said and I smiled and blushed.

"I just got you. I'm not losing you for something that stupid." He said and I couldn't help the melting of my heart. His words meant more to me that I ever thought words could.

But since then, I've learned something.

Words are just words.


	32. Eren's Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the last Eren present POV for awhile! I think this one is a bit important for what's gonna come. I think the present arc is gonna really move along. I'll post the past chapter within the next few days! So, enjoy:)

I woke up the next day with crusty eyes and a horse above my head. "What the fuck do you want?" I snap. I love Jean, but not enough that I want to wake up to his face. He scowls at me and stands up straight.

"I need to talk to you about Levi." He says and then I'm on my feet.

"I am so fucking done talking about Levi and he needs to get the fuck out of Trost." The words burn to say, but I know it's what needs to happen. He needs to be gone.

"Eren, I'm serious. You need to talk about this." He says and I get up and walk past him to my bathroom, not caring I'm in only my underwear.

"It's not just Levi. It's Reiner." He says and I stop. There are a few things that only Jean really knows about me. I love Mika and Armin more than life and I've told Armin everything. Expect this.

Reiner knows because it was right after the breakup. He figured it out. I called Jean to see if I could stay with him for a couple of nights during the whole thing.

I really hope Levi doesn't know. 

I'm brought out of my thoughts by a knock on the door and I've only been awake for five minutes and I'm already tired of everything. 

"You better tell me everything when I get back." I say and he nods. I go to the door and yank it open. "What?" I practically hiss until I see who's at me door.

Tina Olsen.

I slam the door.

I walk back to Jean in my room as she pounds on the door. "You gonna get that?" He asks and I shake my head. 

"That's a whole other load of shit that I don't want to even think about." I say and my front door opens. I stand there for a moment in shock before I hear her voice.

"Eren? We need to talk." She says and that's enough to have me storming down the stares, glaring daggers at her. 

"Do you fucking think you can just walk into my house and summon me like you're my mother? Fuck you. Get the fuck out." I say and she shakes her head.

"No, we need to have this conversation and..." 

"We don't need to do jack shit. No kindly get the fuck out of my house and get the fuck out of my life." I say and she flinches. I know I'm being harsh but do you fucking blame me? 

"Eren, I'm being serious here. You need to hear this." She says and I roll my eyes. 

"That's bullshit!You're using me for something and I'm not some fuck pawn! Now get out of my house before I call the cops." I say and she pauses before turning and leaving. Good.

I turn to go back up the stairs to see Jean gaping at me. "Why the fuck did you just yell at her like she killed your cat?" He asks and I storm past him.

"I'm not talking about this. Does Levi know?" I ask and he hesitates before nodding. Fuck.

"This is bad. This is really bad." I say and Jean shakes his head. 

"It doesn't change anything. It was years ago." He says and I sigh. 

"What was years ago?" A voice says and fucking hell.

"I told you to get out of my house!" I yell at Tina and she rolls her eyes.

"I don't really give a shit, you're gonna hear what I have to say." She says and I groan. 

"I literally woke up ten minutes ago, can I please get some fucking caffeine in me before I have to think this hard?" I say and they both stop.

"I think I'm gonna leave you to this. Call me when you're done if you need to talk." Jean says and I nod.

"Thanks dude." I say and he sends me a worried smile and a head nod. Then I'm left alone with Tina.

"How about I buy you a coffee?" She says and I shake my head.

"I'm so done with you right now. Why is this so important?" I ask and she sighs.

"Because I kind of fucked up." She says and I nod.

"You could say that again." I say and her eyes narrow.

"And I want to help you." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Why?"

"Because I really fucked you an Levi over."

"No, you fucked _me_ over. You just fucked Levi."

"Would you act your age?" She yells and I stop and glare at her.

"Why are you trying to help me?" I ask, articulating ever syllable. She sighs and looks down.

"Because I didn't realize what I did would hurt you this much and I want to explain myself." She says  and looks up at me, mask off. No more confident superstar; just a girl who looks truly sorry. And she's not an actress.

"Can I get dressed?" I ask and it seems that this is the first time she notices I'm in my boxers. She shamelessly checks me out.

"I can see why Levi is so interested." She says and I sigh. _Exactly. It's not me. It's just my body._

"I'll meet you downstairs." I say and she finally gets out of my room. I grab a blue and grey flannel and throw it on and a pair of black shorts. 

I go downstairs and see her looking at a photo on my mantle. "Who're they?" She asks as I walk over to her and see it's a picture of Mikasa, Armin, and I after their wedding.

"My sister and my best friend." I say and her smile grows.

"That's adorable." She says and I smile despite myself. That was actually an awful day for me all and all, but they were so happy that it makes it almost okay.

There's a pain in my chest as I think back to that day. I turn away and grab my keys. "There's a small café downtown thar make good coffee and it's not overpriced. Let's go there." I say and she follows behind me.

I get in my car and pull out. She follows me in her car as I go downtown, but she seems adamant so I guess it's worth finding out. Even if I can't stand her.

I get there relatively quickly and park behind the building. I don't wait for her before using the back entrance and getting myself a coffee. Then I go out front and find a table, tapping my foot nervously while she gets hers.

She eventually comes out and sits across from me. "So?" I ask rather rudely, but she doesn't seem affected.

"It's about that night." She says and I groan.

"Literally the last thing I want to hear about is the night you two had sex." I say and she sighs.

"It's not that. It's before then. I talked to Levi about his old boyfriend, you, and..."

"I'm stopping you right there." I interrupt, not caring how rude it is. Because although I should be more pissed at Levi, I'm still mad at her too.

"You knew he was gay and tried to seduce him to make yourself more famous and that's really sick. It's so, so awful that you would try and get someone to fuck you when you're not what they're attracted to. I don't know what possessed Levi or if he really is straight, but I do know that you had to know he was gay. Am I right?" I ask and she slowly nods.

"I was only trying to help him. I was out of line." She says and I regain my composure.

"How would having sex with him help? Plus you used it to hold him to a contract, which is illegal." I say and she sighs.

"I was helping him get over you." She says and I nearly stop breathing. She has to be kidding.

"Get over me? That's bullshit. it was like three years after we broke up." I say and she smiles sadly.

"And he was still in love with you." She says and I just stand up and walk away. I ignore as she calls after me because this is fucking pointless and she's just spitting out shit.

_But wait._

_Why would that help her?_

I don't know when I stopped walking or when she caught up to me, but she's next to me again.

"Please listen. I need to clear my conscience here." She says and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "He loved you. He was drunk and crying and he almost came back here then for you." She says and yeah, I really can't breathe right now.

"That doesn't make any sense." I say more to myself than her.

"Don't pretend like it doesn't. You know it does. Think about it." She says and I shake my head as I move away from her.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." I say and she tries talking to me again, but I practically run away. From what? I'm not exactly sure but I'm running and I don't plan on stopping. Or at least I didn't. I get a call on my phone from Armin and answer immediately.

"What's up?"

"Petra and Mikasa _both_ went into labor." 

_You're fucking kidding me._


	33. Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YA'll ARE READY FOR THE FLUFFFFFF. I seriously loved writing this chapter way too much. I hope ya'll enjoy it:)
> 
> Btw, that's a rendered monologue from the same play as earlier. I'm a geek, sorry.

Prom. I had always hated the idea of prom. Getting all dressed up for a night that basically means nothing except the whole upper class losing their virginity. But for some reason, Levi seemed excited.

He wasn't obvious with it, it was just the soft smile on his face when Sasha worried about finding a dress that would fit or Historia talking about how the committee was doing.

It was actually quite endearing, but god I didn't want to go. It was stupid and extremely expensive and rather pointless, but I knew I needed to do it for Levi.

So naturally, I went to the guys.

Levi was recording one Saturday, so I got them all together and clapped my hands together. "Okay, guys, the day has come. I need your help." I said and they all cheered.

They had been waiting for the day when they could help me with a relationship. I'd helped all of them at some point and now it was their turn to help me embarrass myself.

"What do you need help with? You two seem fine." Oluo said and I nodded.

"We are. We're great, actually. But, I think Levi wants to go to prom and I don't know how to ask him." I said and they all nodded.

"Well, you should do something big." Farlan said and Erwin nodded.

"But not too crazy. He already blushes like a little girl around you." Jean said and I couldn't help but flush at that.

"So, where should I do it?" I asked and Armin nearly hopped out of his seat.

"English class. Definitely english." He said and shot him a confused look. "What? I want to see it." He said and I laughed.

"Wait, I have an idea." Marco said and I turned to him as he started telling us the idea. The other guys didn't really know what to think of it, but Armin was laughing and wheezing out a "yes, please do it".

The worst part: I did it.

So I went to english class the next day with Armin and Marco behind me holding a shitty sign. I walked up to Levi, who looked confused beyond description, and knelt on one knee, taking his hand.

"They say the gentleman is fair; 'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving me; by my troth, it is no addition to his wit, nor no great argument of his folly, for I will be horribly in love with him. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me, because I have railed so long against love," I stood up and took his other hand in mine, "but for some reason, you love me anyway." I said normally and he's grinning and blushing a vivid pink.

"Levi, wilt thee wend to prom with me?" I said out loud what the sign said and Levi fucking giggled before going on his tip toes and lightly kissing my lips.

"I would love to." He said and half the class cheered and half just stared in uncomfortable shock but fuck them. My teacher laughed and I turned to her.

"You're definitely getting extra credit for that." She said and I laughed before turning back to Levi. He was staring up at me and god was he adorable. His silver-blue eyes shining as he took his hands from mine and wrapped them around my neck.

"You're so cute." He said quietly and I joined in his blushing.

"I just wanted to do something special for you." I said and he kissed me again.

"Well that was really sweet of you." He said and I smiled. He was blushing worse than I'd ever seen and he was freely wearing a grin and I'm fifty percent sure people took pictures just because of that. We sat down in our usual area and the smile wouldn't fade from his face and I loved it.

I couldn't have been happier with Levi. I had been trying so hard to tell him that I love him and it just wasn't working. I guess it just needed to be a good moment. I didn't want to force it.

But the time just hadn't come. So, three weeks later, when I still hadn't told him, I was getting antsy. I could tell he seemed to be a bit hurt by it, despite how great he was trying to be. And do you blame him? I had known he loved me for over a month by then and I couldn't get the balls to tell him.

But it almost slipped out when I saw him at my door on prom night. He was dressed in a black suit jacket and pants and a white shirt with a red skinny tie. His hair was barely pushed back and he just looked amazing.

It made me second guess not getting a jacket and opting for a black vest with my blue bow tie. But nothing made him look better than that soft, crooked grin on his face.

"Woah..." He said and I smiled as a groan broke me from my trance.

"Don't act so lovestruck, it's getting gross." Farlan said, but he was smiling as Levi clicked his tongue.

"Look who's fucking talking." He said, not looking away from me.

"You look amazing." I said as Isabel and Farlan made their way past us. His cheeks turned pink as I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

Hannes nearly started crying as we all took our pictures. He told us how proud of us he was and told us to be safe. Then we met up with everyone else and went to prom.

Historia went with Marco and Ymir went with Jean par normal, but something seemed off. I had started to notice that Historia had been acting odd. Like, really odd. She either was in a daze or angry. And it's not a pretty picture to see her angry.

But it finally all came together on prom night. I finally understood it. Because Levi and I were the only open non-heterosexuals there. I couldn't have been happier about being there with Levi.

Reiner or Erwin stayed within a fifteen meter radius at all times to make sure we stayed safe. We weren't overly provocative, in fact we didn't even really dance much differently than we had in his living room, but people still looked disgusted.

And I realized that's why Historia was pissed.

It didn't help when someone actually threw a cup at me. "What the fuck was that for?" She yelled at a girl a year younger than us named Hitch and she just rolled her eyes. Yeah, I didn't like Hitch.

Erwin sat back and watched with Hanji, knowing it was covered. Levi grabbed her wrist to keep her in place.

"I got it." He said and I grabbed his shoulder.

"It's not worth it. Let's just have a calm night." I say and they both smiled at me. That's when a teacher walked up to us.

"So, I'm gonna have to ask you two to leave." The women said and that had me on my feet.

"And why is that?" I asked and she gulped.

"You've been causing a disturbance." She said and Levi stood up too.

"We haven't done anything." He said and she sighed.

"I know, but your presence is causing a disturbance among some of the students and it would be safer for everyone if you just left." She said and my jaw dropped.

"Excuse me?" Levi hissed at her as Historia walked up to her.

"Ma'am, can they stay until after they announce prom queen? They're my friends and I want them to be here." She said with a sickeningly sweet smile and the teacher stared at her in disbelief as if it was impossible for her to hang out with us.

"Yeah, I guess that's okay." She said and walked away and Historia turned to us with a grimace.

"Thanks for that." I said and she smirked a bit.

"Don't thank me yet." She said and smiled up at Levi with a devious look in her eye.

"I got voted prom queen." She said, but there seemed to be something I was missing because Levi seemed to smile way too much about that.

"You're not seriously thinking..." He said and she nodded. He started laughing as the rumble of the music came to a stop and microphone static took over.

"Hello everybody! It's time to announce your Prom King and Queen!" The same teacher said. Figures she would do it this early just to get us out. We all walked to the edge of the stage to see Historia. It was pretty obvious she was gonna win. I knew she was before she told us.

"This year's Prom King is... Michael Johns!" She said and I grabbed Levi's arm to make sure he didn't try anything. He didn't do anything as Historia made it closer to the stage. Michael looked like the pompous ass he is as he walked up to the stand. He got crowned and I nearly gagged.

"Now, the moment you've all been waiting for, this year's Prom Queen is... Historia Reiss!" She announces and the audience went crazy. Ymir was next to me, right by the slightly elevated stage just smiling at her with so much love. Historia was crowned with a sweet smile, but I didn't miss the glimpse of distain in her eyes.

"Now it's time for the King and Queen to have their..." Historia scoffed loudly at that and took off her crown.

"Fuck that." She said, just loud enough for the microphone to catch as she walked to the edge of the stage and put the crown on Ymir's head.

Then Historia leaned forward and kissed her.

The entire crowd gasped when that happened. I turned over to Jean and Marco to see Jean grab Marco's face and do the same. There was more gasping at that.

And I just laughed. I don't think anything could've made me more pleased in that moment. They were finally open and that made me so happy.

I turned to Levi to see him watching Historia with a small smile on his face. Then he turn back to me and shrugged before grabbing my face and bringing me down to him for his lips to meet mine.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer with a smile, making him laugh against my lips. I set him down quickly as Historia tapped my shoulder.

"We're about to get in big trouble if we don't leave." She said and I grabbed Levi's hand and ran towards the door, but not before Historia ran up to Michael and stole his crown, calling him a douchebag.

We ran outside as quickly as possible and got in our cars. We all knew where to go. Jean's parents were out of town. The six of us met up at his house and as soon as we got out of the cars, we all started laughing.

"Holy shit, did all four of you really just come out?" I asked and they nodded.

"About fucking time too." Jean said and Marco smiled and pecked his cheek.

"And it's all thank to you two." Historia said and my eyes widened. Jean nodded at that and the other two just smiled. They would've been fine with coming out, so that Jean and Historia would say that actually meant something.

"Why?" Levi beat me to asking and Historia laughed.

"You two are just so confident and happy and being open has only made you both happier." She said and Jean sighed.

"And that night you talked to me about Levi, I realized you were right. I realized that it's either hide who I am or risk getting hurt. I think Marco is planning on staying with me, so I think it really is worth it." He said and Marco smiled.

"Of course I'm staying with you. I love you." He said to Jean and kissed his lightly. I noticed other headlights coming in our direction and got a bit nervous until I saw Armin's car. Followed by Erwin's and many others.

Eventually, our whole group had come. Mikasa and Armin got out of the car and ran over to me, throwing themselves on me.

"Did they seriously kick you guys out?" Armin asked and I nod.

"Well, they asked us to leave and we weren't gonna push it." I said.

"They're gonna get it." Mikasa said and I look up to see all the others gathered around.

"Why did you guys all come here?" Historia asked and Petra stepped up.

"Because why would we stay when they did that to you?" She says and Historia just threw her arms around her and I couldn't stop the tears coming to my eyes. I turned to Levi to see his worried face as he looked up and wiped my cheek.

"Why are you crying?" He asked and I smiled.

"I'm so happy right now." I said and he grinned up at me and pulled my head down so we were touching foreheads.

"Me too." He said. Not even half an hour later, we as turned on Jean's twinkle lightship the porch and blared some music, making our own little prom in his backyard. Historia and Ymir wore their crowns as the danced and Jean and Marco had disappeared over to the water for a more private area.

Levi and I were slow dancing in the crowd and he held me close. He leaned on me as we swayed to the music and I don't think I had ever been more content in my life. Levi tilted his head up and whispered in my ear.

"You're really amazing, you know that?" He said and I felt my face heat up.

"Why is that?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Look around. You helped them be theirselves. You inspired them." He said and I pulled back enough so we were face to face.

"Well, you inspired me." I said and his smile dropped a bit, not in a bad way though. In a way that shows just how seriously happy he truly was as he leaned up and kissed me. He was as happy as I was. He pulled away and sighed.

"I don't think this night could get any better." He said and it was true. Everything was perfect.

Well, almost perfect.

"Levi?" I said. I can do it. If they can come out, then I can say it. He looks up at me with those blue eyes that make my heart skip a couple beats, lit up by the twinkle lights, and it was just right. When I finally said it, it just flowed out naturally.

"I'm in love with you." I said and he stopped dancing for a second. His mouth opened a bit and his eyes widened notably. What surprised me most though, as the tears building up at the corners of his eyes.

"I was wrong. This night just got better." He said and I smiled as an exasperated grin took over his face. I wrapped both my arms around his waist as his found my neck and he pulled me down to him.

"I love you too. I love you so much. Fuck." He said as he wiped his face on his arm to dry his tears and I laughed and pulled him closer.

"I've been scared to say it, but I finally feel safe enough to. You really do love me, don't you?" I asked and he breathed out a laugh.

"That's what I've been telling you and I've meant every word of it. Eren Jaeger, I'm in love with you." He said and tears broke through my eyes.

"Fuck, now I'm crying too." I said and he chuckled.

"Feel my pain, you asshole. I can't believe I started crying when you told me you loved me. I was hoping I'd look half decent." He said and I full on laughed at that.

"You're always beautiful." I say and his cheeks turn an adorable pink I wish they would always be. I picked him up and he laughed as he leaned down kissed me.

It wasn't sexy or anything. His legs didn't wrap around my waist and he didn't add tongue or anything. It was an innocent, yet passionate kiss and pretty soon, the others around us started cheering.

It surprised me so much I dropped him. I managed to catch him bridal style and he just leaned back and laughed. I didn't care about the other watching. I held him like that as he smiled up to me.

"I love you." He said to me and I grinned to him.

"Too." I said and his eyes widened. I knew he remembered me saying that to him. New tears started to leak from his eyes as he used his arms, still wrapped around my shoulders, to pull me in and he kissed me again.

Looking back, despite everything, I can honestly say that was one of the best nights of my life.


	34. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.
> 
> I don't know how to explain this. It's been far too long since I've posted and I don't know who to apologize to you guys. I'm going to try really hard to keep updating more over break because and in HAS because I'm focusing on this fic after HAS. I've been so awful and I'm sorry and I hope this progress helps a bit. I know it's short, but I think you'll be pleased with the development. Thank you for you're patiences and enjoy.

I rushed to the hospital as fast as I could. One of my closest friends and my cousin are going into labor and my mind was still all over the place. What Reiner said to me was an eye opener to say the least. Isabel had told me I should've been better with the breakup, but I didn't think anything of it. I mean, look at him. He's perfect. He could've had anyone, and yet... I run smack into somebody who catches my arm as I start to fall. The person helps me to my feet and I finally look to see its Eren. His mouth opens slightly as he notices it’s me and his grip on me almost seems to tighten.

_He really is perfect._

"Hey." I say and he glances away and I finally get it. Why he always seems so conflicted around me. Because he's hurt. More hurt than I ever thought before.

"Let's go see them." He says, not letting go of my arm and pulling me through the hospital. He probably knows where he's going better than I do. It's a bit worrying when he says hi to almost every doctor we pass, but he gets us to a waiting room and I see everyone is there. Oluo is biting his nails and Armin is pacing. As soon as Eren sees Armin, he drops my arm and crosses over to him, pulling him into his arms and I find myself missing his touch. God, I'm soft. I walk over to Historia who smirks at me as I sit down.

"Looks what the Jaeger dragged in." She says and if I were actually focused on her, I would've scolded her horrible joke, but I couldn't focus on anything but the beautiful man in front of me. He looked hopelessly flustered as he looked around, teeth tugging on his lip. He grabs Armin’s arm and he pulls him out of the room and I bury my face in my hands, needing to hide my face from the room. There are so many emotions running through me that I have no idea what to even think. After all this time I might still have a chance. A small one, but it’s something. The fact he actually almost came back for me is shocking alone. Armin comes into the room and I notice a lack of Eren. He sits next to me and leans back.

“You need to talk to him. Neither of them are supposed to give birth for a few hours, so this needs to happen.” He whispers so only I can hear in the loud room and smiles as he squeezes my arm. I nods and stand up, but as soon as I walk into the hallway, an arm is pulling me towards a more quiet wait area. When we stop, Eren drops my arm but keeps walking, pacing like Armin was.

“Why didn’t you just do it?” He asks angrily and my eyebrows furrow. “What do you…” “I mean, I would’ve still been mad, but not five years worth of mad! Dammit Levi, I tried to get over you for five fucking years of my life!” He yells and I freeze in place, wondering what to say even though I know he’s not done. He’s Eren. He needs to explode before he can level out.

“The worst part is that I don’t even know why! You never told me! You just ended it! And after all of this, you come back! After all of this, you were never even over me yet you said nothing while I thought I was crazy for the same thing! That’s fucking bullshit!” He says and sits down on the couch, finally done, but I can’t move, let alone talk. His breath starts to even out and it’s probably a good minute before he says anything. "Levi?" He asks quietly, voice lost, looking for direction I don’t know if I can give him.

"Yeah?" I force myself to rasp. He glances back at me and sighs before looking towards the ground.

"Did you really almost come after me?" He asks and my heart stops. How could he know about that unless...

"I see you talked to Tina." I say and he nods.

"If she was telling the truth, then it was very enlightening." He says, tone edging between scared and excited.

"Well, I don't know what else she said," I start and look out the window. I hear a noise and look back down to see Eren more turned to me, knee on the couch and staring intently up at me, analyzing me. I don't know why, but that helps me clear my head. "But she wasn't lying. I almost came back a few years ago. Rumor has it you almost came to see me too." I say and he nods, cheeks turning pink.

"You weren't easy to get over." He says, standing up and walking to the other side of the room, looking out he window.

"But you're over me?" I ask and wait for what feels like hours before he shrugs.

"What does it even mean to get over someone? If it's to accept they're gone, I got over you. If it's not to have any feelings..." He says and heaves a breath before continuing. "I definitely have feelings for you. I have sadness, lots of anger, disappointment, but I also have good feelings for you too." He says and turns towards me. "I find it adorable that you play with the kids so well. I find it admirable that you were willing to give up everything for you music. I find it even more amazing you gave that up because you claim to still be in love. I just don't know if love is still an option for me." He says and two things stick out to me. I start with the harder one.

"What do you mean "if love is still an option"?" I ask and he surprises me by laughing bitterly.

"How could it be? I'm so different now. You might be the same, but I've changed! I run a business, saw all of our friends get married alone, saw Hannes die." He says and pauses, breath getting shaky as he turns away. “I’m not the same. I’ve been through too much to give myself completely to someone, and isn’t that what love is?” He says and I shake my head.

“Love isn’t quite that pretty. It’s ugly and messy and a lot of work. It can be sudden or over a long time. You can’t put a label on it. You just know. A wise man once told me ‘You have to work your ass off for a chance at it working and hope that maybe it's worth it.’” I say and he looks at me in shock for a second before allowing himself a reminiscent smile.

“’Do you think it's worth it?’” He asks and I smile too at the memory.

“Yes. I really do.” I say and I really see the bright eyed boy I feel in love with and I can see without a doubt that there’s still something, whether it be current or just the flicker of a memory. His smile falters after a couple of second and he turns away.

“A lot has changed since then.” He says and I sigh.

“I know.” I say and he turns to me with a curious eyebrow raised. I walk around the couch and sit next to him.

“So, why can’t we try at something?” I ask and he buried his face in his hands.

“Because, don’t you get it? You don’t love me, Levi. You love who I was.” He says and looks at me. “Even if we start all over and you got to know me and I fell for you all over again, you would realize you don’t love me back. And then you’d leave. Just like last time.” He says and gets up before I can say anything else.

“I know you want this to work, but it can’t and we both know it. You moved on for a reason. Maybe if you didn’t leave, things would’ve been different, but you didn’t, Levi. You ran away.” He says and starts walking away, but before he can, I’m on my feet and running to grab his arm. I turn him towards me and before he can say anything, I press my lips to his. I try to coax his lips into moving too, but after a moment, I realize it isn’t going to work. Especially as I feel hot tears fall from his face to my cheeks. I pull away and move my hand to his face to wipe his tears and he lets me do that. He leans into me as he cries silently as I say something that seems to shatter his resolve.

"I'm done running." I say and his eyes widen before he leans down and crushes his lips desperately on mine. His arms wrap around my waist and I pull his face closer as his lips move slowly on mine, despite the initial harshness of the kiss. No, it’s not rushed or hard, but still emotional and pure. It takes my breath away as he pulls back. It takes me a second to regain control enough to even open my eyes, and when I do, I find myself falling in love all over with the bright eyes looking back at me. His eyes fall in conflicting emotion.

“I’m so confused.” He says honestly and I shamelessly go on my tiptoes to kiss his forehead.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I say and he nods. I have no idea where we stand since his emotional range in the past ten minutes has been wider than mine in probably my whole life, but I feel as though something shifted and I can’t tell if it’s good or not.

“We should go back.” He says in a raspy voice that has me closing my eyes and sighing. He’s not happy right now. I can tell.

“What now?” I ask as his arms drop and he frowns.

“I don’t know.” He says and breaks from my hold, walking towards the window again. “This isn’t going to work. It won’t. I know it won’t and…”

“Who are you to say that?” I ask and he turns to me in surprise.

“Eren, you still have feelings for me. Me. Not the me you knew back then. And I know I still feel something for you. Can’t you trust me?” I ask and he closes his eyes.

“I don’t know if I’d ever use the word ‘trust’ for you.” He says honestly, but I still fight.

“There’s a reason I came back, Eren. What do I gain from coming back and begging you to take me back if I just plan on leaving again?” I question and he pauses before answering.

“I never thought of it that way.” He says and sits down again. “You just left. No warning. In fact, it was when I thought we were at our happiest. What happened? Why did you have to leave?” He asks with a vulnerable shake to his voice. I move and I sit down next to him, not meeting his eyes.

“It wasn’t my say. I wanted to find another label, believe me, but it wasn’t about me.” I say. I can’t explain the full reason. Part of me hates to even think I could blame her, but she is the reason. But Eren’s eyes are understanding as he nods. He doesn’t say anything else about it as he lays his head on my shoulders and sighs.

“We’re in a big mess, aren’t we.” He says and I’d be lying if I said I could breathe at the moment as I wrap an arm around him. I nod in agreement.

“So, can we be friends? Just wait to see if we even should be more again?” He says and turns his head so we can see each other’s faces. “Because I don’t know if we should be together again or even be in love again, but…” He starts, but he trails off and closes his eyes and I know what he’s going to say before he even says it, “I need you. Even if we never amount to anything more than friends, I don’t care.” He says and I lean down to kiss him again, but he shifts away. “But kissing probably isn’t a good idea.” He admits with a small laugh.

“You’re… um… still really good at that.” He says as he shakes his head and turns away a bit. “This is weird. I’m sorry.” He apologizes, but I just shrug.

“It’s okay. Let’s do it.” I agree and he turns back to me.

“Really?” He asks with innocent curiosity and I nod.

“I only want to do what you’re comfortable with. We can take it slow. But I promise you, no matter how much you try to push me away, I’m still going to love you.” I say and his eyes widen a bit and he gets up and starts walking away. I get up to follow him, but he stops at the doorway. He doesn't turn towards me before talking. 

"That night, when we had our first fight, did you mean it?" He asks and without hesitation, I knowingly answer.

"I meant it and I still do." I respond and his shoulders heave. 

"I did too." Is all he says before he walks out, leaving the conversation and me alone in the room and I collapse on the couch as everything hits me. The fact I have butterflies and my heart is beating at a dangerous pace and oh my god, he kissed me. I smile as I have a revelation that has me nearly jumping for joy. 

I actually have I chance.

I know I have to earn a spot in his life, but it's worth it. I want to be there for him. With him, if he'll have me. I can be friends with him if that's all he wants.

And for now, we're friends.

But my burning lips and stuttering heart tells me so much more.

 

 

 

 


	35. Past

Our first fight was... a strange night. It was graduation night and we had our senior all night party. I was celebrating with Armin after his flawless speech. As all good unsupervised events, someone ended up spiking the punch bowl. That was where it all went down hill.

Levi wasn't all that sober, but he was still decently in control of himself. We were doing well, but were avoiding some talks that needed to be had. He was frustrated that I was still being hesitant with saying I love you. I just thought it meant more the less you say it. I was also annoyed that he always had girls all over him. I knew that he couldn't help it, but he also did little to discourage it.

I was the designated driver along with Armin, so we were watching people. Armin noticed I was distracted by a girl laughing and twirling her hair next to Levi who was smiling in a way that made my stomach boil. "Maybe you should check on Reiner." He said as he stepped in front of me and I nodded, leaving to do just that.

Reiner hadn't been doing well that night, after catching Michael hooking up with someone, so just as I reached him, he grabbed me and took me outside to talk. I noticed how drunk he was and thought nothing of it. _He's just heartbroken._

"I just don't know why I have feelings for him, but I do!" He slurred and I nodded.

"I know, but it'll get better." I told him and he rolled his eyes.

"What do you know about getting your heart broken? You're in a perfect relationship and are happily in love." He said and I looked down, trying to ignore how my stomach twisted at the first part.

"Yeah, what do I know about heartbreak after finding my first boyfriend dead at the side of the highway." I bit and his eyes widened.

"Oh my god..."

"Sorry, it's a touchy subject." I said. That's not a subject that ever gets easier. Something changes when you see that, especially when that's not your first dead body. "Anyways, you deserve better, Reiner." I told him, changing the subject and he frowned.

"But who's could actually have feelings for me?" He asked and I chuckled.

"Reiner, you're a great guy! You're funny and nice and someone is going to love..." What happened next is something I hadn't expected.

Reiner kissed me.

I just sat there with my eyes wide open. I didn't know what to do. It took me a couple of seconds to gather my senses enough to shove him off of me. It was like a cold water effect because he looked at me with wide eyes.

"Oh my god... I'm so sorry."

"You better be fucking sorry." A voice said from behind us and I turn around to see Levi standing there with the most livid look on his face I'd ever seen.

"Levi..."

"Shut up." He snapped at me and turned around, walking away. I got up and grabbed his arm quickly and turned him towards me. 

"It's not like that."

"Isn't it?" He asked and looked over my shoulder to where Reiner was. Or so I thought as I looked back to see him gone. 

"It isn't like that. He was drunk and he kissed me. You saw me push him away!" I counter and he rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, after like a minute. I don't like being lied to, Eren." He snaps and my eyebrows furrow.

"What's that supposed to mean? You saw it! I didn't kiss him back. I pushed him off of me. What else was I supposed to do?" 

"Not make other people. fall for you." He snapped and I froze. 

"Excuse me?" I practically growled and he crossed his arms.

"Maybr if you acted like you actually loved me, we wouldn't be in this mess." He said quietly, but my response was far from quiet.

"Well maybe if you just fucking came out of the closet, I wouldn't have to watch girls throw themselves at you!" I yelled, knowing we were far enough that no one could hear me. He stopped at that and stared at me for a second. "Levi, every time we go out together, I have to watch as you basically encourage girls. And I have done nothing but support you. I love you and only you and he knows that, he was just being stupid." I said to him and he looked down. 

"I'm sor..."

"I know." I said and turned to walk back to the building. I only got about two steps in before he grabbed my hand.

"Wait." He said and I turned towards him. His other hand wrapped behind my neck and he sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way. I just... I'm scared of what happens when I do come out. I mean, I'm not exactly in the closet, but if I make it official, there's a good chance that I'm gonna lose a lot of chances." He told me and I nodded.

"I understand. Just... I don't know. Don't try to please them so much. I get that they're your fans, but I really don't want to wake up one day and question if you're even gay. I already question if you love me enough." I admitted and his eyes widened.

"Eren, yes I love you. I'm sorry I've made you doubt it at all, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't doubt how you feel for me." He told me.

"How about we make a deal." I suggested and he raised eyebrow.

"What kind of deal?" He asks and I slowly start to sit down, bringing him with me.

"Let's sit here and just lay it all out. Feeling, fears, everything." I said and he nodded.

"I'm scared I'm not gonna get a record deal."

"I'm scared I'm never gonna leave this town. Like, I want to live here and grow old here, but I want to experience the world first." I said and he smiled.

"I started liking you the first night we hung out." 

"I thought you were the most beautiful thing I ever saw and all you did was glare at me." He laughed at that one.

"I can see us together years from now. We'll have a home here, but we'll get to come with me on tours. I..." He paused and looked down. "I think you're the one." He said and looked up at me probably just in time to see the wide smile that crossed me face.

"I think you're the one, too." I admitted and he pulled me so I was basically straddling his lap. He leaned my head down to rest on his and just stared at me for a second before I asked what was on my mind.

"This is gonna work, isn't it?" I asked and he grinned.

"I think it is." He said and kissed me. His lips had a faint vodka taste, but I knew by then he was sober. We eventually went back inside hand-in-hand and for some reason, it felt more like a engagement celebration than a graduation celebration, because it felt like at that moment, we were going to make it last forever. We were endless.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think! I'm tracking this on tumblr as:
> 
> #fic: what happened
> 
> My URL:
> 
> http://lavalampwriting.tumblr.com


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